'Why are you smiling?'

The other day I bumped into an acquaintance who I hadn’t seen for a while. We exchanged the usual very British exchanges, and then I told her that I once again had cancer. She looked upset and slightly puzzled and asked ‘Then why are you smiling?’

Her question has since prompted a lot of thought. At the time, I was slightly flummoxed and just said ‘because it is such a beautiful day.’ But of course the reasons go far deeper.

She isn’t the first person to comment on my positive demeanour. Some people no doubt think that I am a Pollyanna, in denial about the seriousness of my situation, but I can assure you that having been through stage IV cancer previously, I am very well aware of the implications of a cancer diagnosis. And as those of you who have been following by blog are aware, my chemotherapy treatment has been no picnic!

The only reason that I can give for my ‘sunny’ outlook is simply – faith.

‘Faith’ is a word that Christians tend to sprinkle about fairly liberally but what do we actually mean by it? I think that the most profound explanation is offered by the Apostle Paul when he says ‘Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1).

At the beginning of this journey, I was given a passage from the book of Jeremiah, ‘“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”’ (29:11) It is a passage that I’m clinging onto on this journey, but hope it’s not enough.

Hope it’s a wonderful thing, but hope alone requires evidence of fulfilment. Faith, on the other hand, is the belief and confidence that our hopes will be fulfilled even when we are not sure of the when and the how.

We are called to walk ‘by faith not by sight’ (2 Cor. 5:7); to trust in God even when the evidence of that hope is not yet available; To trust that he has the situation in hand, that he will do what is best for us – even if that may not be exactly what we would have anticipated or expected.

As humans, we live in linear or chronological time and, as such, our view is limited; we are not able to see over the horizon of the next day. But God exists outside of time and space and he sees the entirely of our lives.

For him all the events of our lives are woven together like threads in a beautiful tapestry. Pain is woven with together joy, mourning with celebration, fear with hope.

Like a weaver at a loom we can only see the parts of the tapestry already complete. Only can see how the different colours will combine together to create the full picture. ‘He is the God who calls into existence those things that do not yet exist.’ (Rom. 4:7)

So why am I smiling? Because I trust God the Divine Weaver and, for today, that is enough.

And my prayer is that next time I am asked why I am smiling that I will be more ‘prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have have.’ (1 Peter 3:15)

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author and broadcaster. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Her books including the recently released Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story with God’s Narrative are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk, kooroong.com, Amazon worldwide.

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