Rebellious Hope 

I was so sad to hear the news that the effervescent Dame Deborah James (DBE) has finally succumbed to bowel cancer at the age of 40.

James who worked as a deputy head teacher up until her diagnosis, shot to fame as she died in public over a five year period. She wrote a column for The Sun , co-hosted the BBC Radio Live podcast You, Me and The Big C alongside fellow cancer patients Lauren Mahon and Rachael Bland.

She also wrote a blog called Bowel Babe in which she talked with disarming openness about her treatment and the prospect of death and a book entitled F*** You Cancer: How to Face the Big C, Live Your Life and Still Be Yourself.

Throughout James was determined not be seen as a victim. Instead she talked about ‘still living while dying’ and about her ‘rebellious hope’ and became a social media phenomenon, posting joyful videos of herself dressed to the nines during treatment and dancing in chemo suites.

It was this rebellious hope that seemed to capture the imagination and curiosity of the nation; with many wondering how this young woman, who had so much to live for, managed to maintain her extraordinary positivity as she faced her own mortality.

In the tributes that followed her death she was described as a force of nature and, as many commented, she was positive right up until the end of her life. James was a shining beacon for many cancer sufferers, and I know that I am one of the many to have been inspired by her humour and irrepressible joie de vivre. I hope that as and when my time comes that I can go with the same grace.

One of the things I’m often asked is how I stay so positive through my cancer journey. My answer is simple, my faith is the foundation of my rebellious hope. I have hope in a future that extends beyond my mortal span, but also the knowledge that no matter how hard the journey during my time on earth, I do not walk alone.

I don’t know the source of James’s rebellious hope. I didn’t know her personally although I really wish I’d the chance to meet her. I believe that she did have faith (brought up in the Church of England, she later converted to Catholicism) but during her cancer journey rarely discussed her beliefs.

However in one interview with The Express she talked about the anger she felt towards God since she was diagnosed with cancer. She spoke of the anger she felt when she thought about the heartbreak that her death would bring to her family, and her struggle to understand why God would do that to husband and children. So as part of her legacy, I think it’s important to recognise that alongside her rebellious hope, James also felt angry – and that this is okay, even if that anger is directed towards God.

The Bible is full of people’s angst about what God is up to. The prophet Jeremiah, for example, was so frustrated with God, having got nowhere after years of delivering his pronouncements, that he railed at him “O Lord, you deceived me, and I was deceived!” (Jeremiah 20:7). And Psalms passages such as “How long, O Lord? Wilt thou forget me for ever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all the day?” (Psalm 13:1-2) are expressions of deep frustration,

The reality is that God wants us to have an honest relationship with him and he big enough to handle our anger no matter how furious. Anger is also natural part of the grief cycle and it’s important to recognise that our faith can co-exist alongside our anger and even rebellious hope. Let’s face when we direct our anger towards a deity, this is in itself evidence of a kind of hope which in todays’ society is pretty rebellious.

A lot has been said about the legacy left by this extraordinary woman; her openness has undoubtedly raised awareness of bowel cancer, her demeanour has inspired many and there’s also the £6 million plus in donations that she has raised for Cancer Research UK.

However, to say that James will be remember for her positivity is perhaps not giving her enough credit, as I think her legacy is far deeper. Through her extraordinary openness and vulnerability she was able to normalise the full spectrum of emotions that one experiences when facing up death, and to help people to see that you do not need to be in denial to have rebellious hope.

As she said in her final message ‘Find a life worth enjoying; take risks; love deeply; have no regrets; and always, always have rebellious hope. And finally check your poo – it could just save your life.’

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith, Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

For more information on Bowel Cancer visit https://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/

You can also donate to her Bowel Babe Fund for Cancer Research UK at https://justgiving.com/campaign/BowelbabeFund