Closing Doors and God's Timing
Have you ever noticed how God seems to close certain doors on you, forcing you to change direction or to wait on his timing? It is a phenomenon that I have encountered once again this week, as a closing door forces me to change my plans yet again.
Later this month I had expected to go through my second mastectomy surgery; a recommended procedure given that I have now had managed to have stage four breast cancer, three different combinations of HER2 and HR positive/negative tumours, across two breasts. I’ve only gone one life so despite nearly shuffling off the mortal coil last time I went under the knife, I have been steeling myself to have this second surgery.
I have, however, been struggling with the timing. As a family we agreed that, given that I nearly died due to post-surgical complications following my first mastectomy, it would be best to let our youngest get through her A ‘Level exams before risking any further upset. At the same time, we also didn’t want her first term at university to be dogged by fears about my health. Which meant we had only a small window of opportunity between her exams and announcements of results.
However, we also needed to time the surgery at the right point on my treatment cycle, to ensure that my white cell count – and ability to deal with infection – was at its most robust. Once I combined this with my required heart scans and other routine tests, the picture became so convoluted that I actually put together a Gantt chart in an attempt to find the optimum timing!
But while I was busy making plans, God obviously had other ideas – as, over the Platinum Jubilee weekend, my immune system once again broke down with the inevitable trip to the Accident and Emergency Unit. And not surprisingly when I met with my surgeon earlier this week – armed with my spreadsheet – she immediately said that, given what happened last time and the state of my immune system, that there was no way that said surgery was going ahead as planned.
I probably should have seen this coming. Over the past couple of months, the complexity of my Gantt chart seems to grown with an ever increasing number of hurdles springing up in my path. In the past I might have recognised the signs, but in my desire to rid my body of every potential cancer cell, I had simply over ridden any lurking suspicion that I was being sent a message, until the point that this particular door simply slammed in my face. And I was once again taught the truth that ‘Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails’ (Proverbs 19:21).
Who knows what would have happened if the surgery had gone ahead as planned - it is perfectly possible that my body would not have been strong enough to deal with this second surgery at this stage. And, while I have only a partial and short term view of my future, God sees the entirety of my life timeline and in his wisdom stopped me in my tracks.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. You just have to be alert to the signs, and open minded enough to ‘ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.’ Because if you submit to the Lord ‘in all your ways’, he promises that ‘he will make your paths straight.’ (Proverbs 3-5).
My surgery is now likely to happen towards the end of year, giving me time to finish my cancer treatment and for my immune system to fully recover. And now that I have stopped pushing my own agenda, I can see the eminent wisdom of this decision. And I know that when he judges that the time is right, he will open the door for me to step through.
Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.
Her latest book, Soul’s Scribe (launched in 2021) draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years’ of reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.
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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash