Imperfect Parenting and the Perfect Parent

On this Mothering Sunday, I have been reflecting on parenting and just how much we will do for our children. If we have children of own – even if they have grown up, moved away from home and now have their own children – we would hope that we would still love them dearly.

From their earliest days that we hope that as parents we can ensure our children get the right nutrition and education; that we can teach them the difference between right and wrong and guide them on the right path so that they can be all they can be. These are the things that make up good parenting. And if even if we don’t have children, it’s good to reflect on all that our own parents have done for us over the years, including the love and care they have provided when we were children, as well as the sacrifices that they may have made in order to give us the best opportunities in life.

But I wonder how far our parents, and we as parents, would really be willing to go for our children; what sacrifices would we really be willing to make? I am not just talking about going without the luxuries of life like holidays or a new car in order to pay for things like education, the latest gadget or designer fashion. How much would we really be willing to give up for our children?

I remember so clearly when my eldest child was born. Before that moment I thought I knew what love was. But as I held her in my arms , I was overwhelmed by an emotion that was deeper and stronger than anything I had experience in my life to date. I remember feeling rather like a lioness protecting her young. I felt that I would be willing to do anything to protect this precious bundle of humanity. And for the first time I began to get just an inkling of how God might feel actually about me.

I believed that there was nothing that she could do to stop me loving her, and I realised with slight shock that if anyone ever threated to hurt her, like a lioness, my instinct might take over and I might even take extreme measures. The thought was a bit unsettling, but it was an indication of the depth of that love that I was experiencing for the first time.

Sadly, however this kind of experience is not universal. Some mothers for example, suffer from post-natal depression and are robbed of this kind of intense bonding. And some parents, for reasons sometimes beyond their control, fail to provide love and protection for their children.

One of the saddest aspects about the COVID-19 pandemic has been the way in which it has affected children in damaged and damaging homes. Locked down, and socially isolated, a frightening number of children have suffered neglect, emotional and even physical abuse. The NSPCC and Childline have received record levels of calls to their helplines as incredibly stressed parents and carers sadly took out their frustrations on their children. And other children who were already at risk found themselves unable to escape and to access help from outside the family home.

While COVID-19 may have brought things to a head for many families, this lack of care and even cruelty is unfortunately not a new phenomenon. And sometimes people just repeat patterns of dysfunction and harm that they have experienced at the hands of their parents.

I am sure we all want to be the best parent possible and would like to think that we would do anything for our children, and that our parents or carers would have done anything for us. In the past, I have even thought that, if necessary, I would willingly give my life in place that of my child. I can’t imagine a circumstance in which that could happen because we are very blessed to live in a largely peaceful and secure society, and it is unlikely that I would ever be faced with such a choice.

But through my work with World Vision I have witnessed enormous courage and sacrifice on the part of parents in some toughest places in the world. One of the most obvious examples of this sacrifice being the many times that I have seen mothers and fathers go without food in order to feed their children – sometimes at the cost of their own heath and even lives.

In the comparatively affluent nation that I live in, this seems like a very distant reality. But as a mother I like to think that I would be willing to give up my life for my child if it ever came that. But if I’m brutally honest, I cannot say that I know without doubt that I would – I can’t be utterly sure that my basic survival instinct wouldn’t kick in. I think about Peter who told Jesus that he would follow him even into death, but when faced with the possibility of being arrested and crucified alongside his Lord, backed away as his survival instinct kicked in. I would like to think that I would be willing to make any sacrifice for my children, but I’m a flawed and imperfect human being, and as such I can never be sure of this.

It’s our harsh reality. As human beings we are always going to be flawed and that applied to parenthood as much as any other part of our lives. But in his letter to the Romans the Apostle Paul shows us that this is not he totality of our reality. ‘For while we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. Indeed, rarely will anyone die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die. But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.’ (Romans 5:6-8)

As mothers, fathers and care givers, we can try our very best, but we are never going to be perfect parents. But the wonderful reality is that no matter what our own experience; whether we despite their best intensions our parents could’ve done a better job of bringing it up, whether we have, at times, felt that we have not done enough for our children – we all have another greater parent who is perfect.

In God, we have a parent who loves us so completely and utterly they are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, so that we might live life in all its fullness. For ‘while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.’ (v. 6)

Paul recognises our weaknesses and our inability to always live up to the very best version of ourselves, saying ‘Indeed rarely will anyone die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die.’ (v. 7) But Paul shows us how God the perfect parent proves his love for us in that ‘while we were still sinners Christ died for us.’ (v8)

We are all sinners. As children we misbehave in a way that can often aggravate our parents, and as parents we don’t always deal with these situations well. But God the perfect parent not only forgives us our sins and our failings, but he is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf, giving of himself in the form of Jesus Christ.

Jesus was not only God’s child – his only begotten son, Jesus was God incarnate. And despite our all failings and wilful disobedience, he was willing to take all the sins and suffering of the world upon himself, and to give up his life, so that we, his children, might our lives to the very full. He willingly suffered the most terrible death on the cross, offering up his own life, for ours, so that we are set free to live out the span of our lives, as children and as adults, learning to care for others, as he cares for us.

And finally at our lives end, we are gathered into his loving arms. As through this great parental act of loving sacrifice he justifies us by his blood, saves us and reconciles once and for all to our perfect and eternal parent.

Kate Nicholas is a best-selling Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her latest book Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story with God’s Narrative is now available in Christian bookstores, and online at Eden.co.uk, Aslan Christian Books, Waterstones and Amazon Worldwide. You can also find out more about Kate’s writing, broadcasting, courses and events at www.katenicholas.co.uk

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