Faith, Life and Cancer

Who or what is the Holy Spirit?

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Sun, 08 Jun 2025 16:18:21 GMT

Pentecost Reflections

Have you ever felt the presence of something — or someone — unseen, but deeply real? A peace that made no sense in the middle of chaos? A moment of insight or clarity that seemed to come from outside yourself?

Christians call that the work of the Holy Spirit.

But who — or what — is the Holy Spirit?

Growing up, I found the idea quite confusing. I’d heard talk of the “Holy Ghost” and imagined a kind of divine Casper in a sheet. But the Holy Spirit is no Halloween figure. He is the third person of the Trinity — not a force or feeling, but a person. Invisible, yes. Mysterious, yes. But powerfully real.

From the very beginning of the Bible, we see the Spirit at work — "hovering over the waters" at creation (Genesis 1:2). In the Old Testament, the Spirit was given for specific tasks: to empower judges, prophets, and leaders. But with Jesus, everything changed.

When Jesus was baptised, the Spirit descended on him like a dove and remained (John 1:32). And before Jesus died, he made a promise to his followers: that the Father would send an Advocate — the Holy Spirit — to guide, comfort, and strengthen them (John 14:26).

That promise was fulfilled in dramatic style on the day of Pentecost. Picture it: a group of frightened disciples, locked away — when suddenly a violent wind fills the house, tongues of fire appear, and they begin to speak in other languages, declaring the wonders of God (Acts 2:1–4). It’s an extraordinary moment in history — but Pentecost is not just an event to remember. It’s a daily reality for anyone who follows Christ.

The word Jesus used for the Holy Spirit — parakletos — means “one who comes alongside.” A companion. A guide. A defender. A comforter. The Spirit whispers truth into our hearts, helps us make decisions, brings peace in times of fear, and reminds us who we truly are — beloved children of God.

Sometimes he acts powerfully — through healing, prophecy, even speaking in tongues. But often, his presence is quieter: a gentle nudge, a line of scripture that leaps off the page, a sense of calm that makes no logical sense.

I’ve known that calm — when I was told my cancer was advanced, and my prognosis was grim. In that moment, a deep peace settled over me, one I can only explain as supernatural. Others have told me of similar experiences: peace in grief, strength in fear, clarity in confusion. That’s the Spirit, too.

The Spirit also empowers us to speak — not always on platforms or pulpits, but in everyday conversations, where a timely word or act of love can change someone’s life. God loves to work through ordinary people — just look at Peter, the fearful fisherman who, filled with the Spirit, addressed a crowd and saw 3,000 people come to faith that day (Acts 2:14–41).

So how do we receive more of the Holy Spirit?

We ask.

The Church’s ancient prayer is still as powerful today: Come, Holy Spirit, come .

If you’ve never prayed that before, maybe now’s the time to try.

And then — simply wait. Be still. And let the mystery unfold..

Kate Nicholas is an award-winning author and speaker. Find out more about her books and events at www.katenicholas.co.uk

What if the cross had been empty?

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Sat, 30 Mar 2024 16:02:39 GMT

Holy week reflections.

I don’t know about you but I always find the experience of Holy Week so intense. It’s such a pivotal point in the history of mankind, when our destiny could have taken a very different route. Which is why on Good Friday as I prayed my way through the three hours that Christ spent on the cross, I found myself pondering some really big questions.

For example, when exactly did Jesus know that he was the son of God. Did he always know from the moment of his birth, or was it only as the young adolescent who went missing only to be found in his father’s temple? And what was it really like when he prayed? When he obeyed the command to ‘be still and know that I am God’ (Psalm 46:10), did he do so in full awareness that was indeed the great I AM? And as God incarnate, who was there at the beginning of creation, the initiation of space and time as we know it, did he remember of the beginning, even at a subconscious level?

What about the incarnation? Did God create humans in such a way that our feeble frames could one day carry His glory? Did God create not only exactly the right conditions for life on earth, but also the exact conditions to enable his entry into the world he created. And if human eyes are a window on the soul, what did those who encountered him see when they looked into his eyes? Did they see depths beyond our imagining? And what did it feel like when he walked upon the water? Did his feet connect with something solid, or is it the experience beyond our understanding?

I wish I could ask Jesus, when did you know you would die such a terrible death? And as a someone who was fully human, how did you live with that knowledge, the kind that would tear apart the minds of most of us? And, as you are part of the Trinity, three persons of one substance, did God the Father and the Holy Spirit also see and feel what you felt? Did they also feel the agonising pain when your flesh was torn from your back and the nails driven through your hands and feet? And when you were in the midst of pain, did you still feel your divinity or only your humanity? Was this why you cried out “My father, my father, why have you forsaken me? “(Matt: 27:46).

And where did you go when you died? You told the robber who was crucified alongside you that today he would be with you in Paradise, so what did you experience in the period between your dreadful death and the glories of your resurrection? When humans die they often seem to meet those they have loved who have passed over, and I know that when my mother died, she also saw you? So who was there to meet you at the moment of your death? Or, as humans hadn’t yet been granted your resurrection life, did you just descend to the terrifying nothingness that existed before the beginning?

Most of all though, I wonder what if you hadn’t been crucified? What if you had succumbed to the temptation to turn away from the proffered cup? What if you had allowed the very human fear of such a painful death to turn you from your destiny? And even if you hadn’t rejected such a terrible end, what if Pilates’s wife, with her dreams of your innocence, had managed to convince her husband to halt the execution and let you go? What if the cross had been empty?

It's such a terrible thought – a world where your crucifixion had not taken place, a world where we would live out our mortal spans and then be forever separated from God; our eternity forfeit. Which is why as we towards Easter, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I cannot imagine the pain you suffered, and that you would suffer for us in this way is extraordinary. When I look around at the glories of your creation, when I consider the works of your hands, the moon and stars that you have made, I like the Psalmist can only stand in awe and ask with profound gratitude “What is humanity that you are mindful of them?” (Psalm 8) and say “Thank you Lord from the bottom of my heart and soul. Thank you”.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Visit Kate’s website www.katenicholas.co.uk to find out more about her books, TV show and online courses.

Photo by CRISTIANO DE ASSUNÇÃO on Unsplash

Describing The Ineffable

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Sat, 10 Feb 2024 16:48:18 GMT

How do you describe an experience of the divine which goes beyond words — the ineffable God who reaches into the very depths of our soul? This was the conundrum that I was faced with when writing my latest book To The Ocean Floor: a second cancer journey and gateway to a profound connection with God.

In 2021, after seven glorious years in remission from stage IV breast cancer, a routine mammogram revealed that the cancer had returned with vengeance. Not long after starting chemotherapy I became desperately ill with sepsis. Exhausted by the sheer effort of staying afloat, I felt myself descending into the depths of consciousness, and there in the stillness and silence, I experienced a profound encounter with God. In the silent depths, all striving ceased as I surrendered to his love and rested in his presence. And I recognised perhaps for the first time the truth of the mystery that ‘in Him, we live and move and have our being’ (Acts 17:28).

As I recovered, I was left with a powerful yearning for that connection and as I sought to recapture the intensity of what I call my ‘ocean floor’ experience I discovered a contemplative practice that dates back to the very dawn of Christianity – to the Apostle Paul, Desert Fathers and Celtic Christians —which enabled me to once again go to the depths; to simply be still and know that he is God (Psalm 46:10)

I realised that what my ‘ocean floor’ experience and these traditions pointed towards was the need to let go of the need to rationalise, and to simply dwell with him in wordless wonder, embracing the full mystery of God. And as learnt this lesson something incredible happened (you’ll have to read the book to find out more!)

Paradoxically To The Ocean Floor is a book about an apophatic experience of God; one that defies description – a quite a challenge for a writer! But as I wrote, words tumbled out of me unbidden and organised themselves in unfamiliar patterns on the page; that prose began to meld with poetry, the form rising and falling as I described different states of consciousness.

My ‘ocean floor’ experience was a great gift, which gave me hope in the face of overwhelming odds, and I am so grateful that I have survived to tell the tale. But the question of how we express the transcendent is one that any Christian who wants to talk with others about the grounds of their faith needs to think about: because faith itself defies rationalisation and the lived reality of dwelling in Christ and He in us is one that is very hard to convey.

Perhaps to describe the fullness of our faith experience, perhaps we have to let go of distinctions between genres and let words find their own way. To describe the ineffable, maybe we need to engage with the abstract (in the way that visual artists such as Mark Rothko have done). And to convey the full mystery of God, perhaps we need to just have the humility to let the Spirit have His way.

Kate Nicholas is a Christian author, broadcaster and speaker; her latest book To The Ocean Floor; a second cancer journey and a gateway to a profound connection with God is available at bookstores and online. Find out more about her books, TV show and events at www.katenicholas.co.uk

Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash

Christmas wishes and reflections

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 12:04:23 GMT

I am having a rather unusual Christmas, wrapped up in bed in north Bucks nursing a bad seasonal lurgy while my husband and kids eat Christmas lunch with my sister and her family in London. It isn't how I would choose to spend Christmas but, ironically, I feel more blessed this year than many others.

This morning I was woken by my two grown up kids (who still get a stocking each year) and later tonight they will return full of turkey, sprouts and Christmas cheer, but as the door closed behind them this morning, and the house went quiet, my mind turned to all those for whom the absence of family on his holy day will be total. For whom there’s no-one who will call to wish them a merry Christmas (all those they have loved having died or forgotten them); the silence broken only by only the sound of the TV; the loneliness wrapping around them like a shroud.

Usually as, we say grace before our festive lunch, we pray as a family for those who are alone at Christmas but in the busyness of the day, I rarely have the chance to really reflect on what this means. Today, however, once again illness, has given me the space to truly reflect and, as I hold those who are alone today in my heart, I wonder how did society come to this?

How did we allow this lack of love? This cannot be how God designed us to live and it must break his heart to see all those alone on this day that most symbolises the love of family; that of that Jesus’s earthly one but most of all the love of our heavenly Father who devised a way to ensure that we are all part of His heavenly family.

So today as I have been granted this space, I will be praying earnestly that all who believe that they are forsaken will be visited by the reassurance that they DO have a family. That they will know in the deepest core of their being that they are part of the greatest loving family of all, and that they are never, ever truly alone.

This is the greatest Christmas gift all.

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas filled with love.

Kate

If you would like to do more to help those who are alone on this day (as well as the other 364 days of the year) please have a look at Age UK’s Hardest Day appeal link �� https://bit.ly/46OyM4J

The Beauty of Autumn

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Fri, 24 Nov 2023 16:31:02 GMT

Making the most of the seasons of our lives

Having turned sixty this year, I am now beginning to face up to the fact that the spring of my youth well and truly gone and that I am graduating from the summer season of middle age into what might be called the ‘autumn’ of my life. The passing of the seasons is a reality that not many of us relish, but I am slowly coming to realise that there is great beauty in the autumn of our lives.

Spring has always been my favourite season; primrose blossoms bursting from freshly greened earth, reminding us of the renewal and, even resurrection, of life. But I am also increasingly appreciating the exquisite beauty of autumn; the gilded rays of a low hanging sun on a furrowed field; a rain of coppered leaves, tossed by the breeze and the crisp chill in the air which presages the coming of winter. There’s such poignancy in the beauty of an autumnal afternoon

Wandering the fields above my house, I can sense the winter drawing in; the unfurling of summer turning inwards to the warmth of the hearth, and realise that there’s little point in fighting this passing of time (any more than it’s worth battling the process of aging). To do so, would be the equivalent of stubbornly shivering my way around our local lanes in shorts and t-shirt, instead of wrapping up against the cold.

Instead I find that there’s comfort in accepting the inevitable; in going with the flow and appreciating the natural rhythms of life. It was God who gave Solomon the wisdom to recognise that:

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die (Ecc. 3: 1-2)

If only we were all able to accept this; to be fully present in the moment, being joyful in the present, rather than fearful of the future.

I don’t know what the future may hold ——none of us do. Thank the Lord, my cancer has once again been banished, but I don’t take this glorious remission for granted. As Jesus pointed out ‘who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?’ (Luke 12:25) Instead he told us that he had come to that we might live life in all its fullness (John 10:10). And a full life is one that embraces all of its seasons and the rich tapestry of existence we have been granted.

So as I progress through the autumn of my life, I’m going to make sure I enjoy every moment; jumping puddles, kicking leaves, and gathering conkers while I may.

Kate Nicholas is an author, broadcaster and preacher. Here new book To The Ocean Floor; a second cancer journey and a profound connection with God is now out. Find out more at her website www.katenicholas.co.uk

Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash

To The Ocean Floor

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 13:26:14 GMT

A second cancer journey and a gateway to a profound encounter with God

After a couple of months of radio silence, I am delighted to tell you that my latest book To the Ocean Floor is about to hit the bookshops. This new book tells the story of my second cancer and how it became a gateway to a profound encounter and connection with God.

When I was first diagnosed with advanced breast cancer nine years ago, I was given a scripture from Psalm 118:17 ‘I will not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord,’ — a commission that led to the publication of my memoir Sea Changed which tells my unconventional story of faith and healing. I have since gone on to write two more books with my publisher Authentic, to speak about my story all over the world and present the TV series Living a Transformed Life with TBN.

During these seven glorious years of remission, I began to get used to the idea that I was going to live. But in 2021, in the midst of the pandemic, a routine mammogram revealed that the cancer had returned with a vengeance. Within weeks of starting chemotherapy I became desperately ill, and on one of the toughest days of that journey, I sank beneath the waves of consciousness where I had a profound mystical encounter with God.

As I recovered, I was left with a powerful yearning for that connection and as I sought to recapture the intensity of what I call my ‘ocean floor’ experience. I began to explore a contemplative practice that dates back to the dawn of Christianity which points towards a more intuitive connection with God – the kind of connection that I had experienced in the depths. And in this new book, I recount my exploration of a meditative tradition that goes all the way back to Apostle Paul, Desert Fathers, Celtic Christians and Medieval mystics; a tradition that has been been developed by modern monastic spiritual masters such as Bede Griffiths and John Main. I write about the joy and challenges of nurturing an intuitive connection with God and signpost some resources that readers can use to explore various contemplative traditions.

I haven’t written a great deal in this blog about my ‘ocean floor’ experience partly because I wasn’t sure how to put into words what God had shown me. Since my first diagnosis, I have written a great deal about meeting God in the challenges of life, so from the outset of this second cancer journey I began to record the physical details of my cancer journey. But then God took me deeper and I had to find the language to describe an experience that goes beyond our everyday reality. Paradoxically To the Ocean Floor is a book about an experience of God that beyond words, and as I sought to convey the profundity of this encounter, I found that the Spirit took over and words began to arrange themselves I unexpected ways; prose morphing into poetry. It has certainly been my greatest challenge as a writer as well as a patient.

There’s no doubt about it, the road I travelled was not easy and it brought the very borders of death. But it has also been a time of profound discovery; an inner journey into the mystery of God and what reviewer called ‘the richness to the be found at the border of life’s journey’. My hope and prayer now are that this book will inspire and encourage you to also be still, to wonder and to know at the deepest core of your being that He is God.

If you would like to find out more about my journey join me on Zoom at 7.00 p.m. on 19 ^th October when I will be talking with author and journalist Claire Musters about my story. Register at https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/716017897807?aff=oddtdtcreator

You can also pre-order my book at www.katenicholas.co.uk

The Hidden Beauty of Creation

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 19:52:10 GMT

I recently spent a wonderful afternoon roaming around the geology section of the Natural History Museum in London. If you haven’t been to this museum, I really recommend a trip to this extraordinary venue. I particularly love the escalator which ascends to the upper floors through a sculpture of the earth, taking visitors up through the mantle and the core until you emerge on the other side of the planet among the cases of colourful rocks and minerals. I’m always ridiculously excited as I ride the escalator up through the centre of the earth, imagining a journey from our home in North Buckinghamshire through the earth’s core which would bring us out somewhere near my in-laws in Canberra, Australia.

My obsession with geology is a source of much amusement for my husband and kids. Whenever we go on holiday I wander around with pockets lined with plastic bags so that I can pick up any interesting rocks and examine them later. At home I have a carefully catalogued collection that I have built up over the years.

I first became interested in rocks and minerals when I was about 10 years old. Our local butcher ran a small but active geological society and I would attend monthly lectures on the various Eras, periods and epochs of geological time. I would also join the members (most of whom were retired) on rock hunting trips and one of the highlights of my young life was the time I found a substantial specimen of amethyst in a local quarry.

In fact, my life might have followed a very different course if a sadistic science teacher at my secondary school hadn’t scared me into focusing on the arts. I have never regret the choice I made as I have been blessed by such a wonderful life, but I do sometimes wonder where I would be now if I had gone to university to study geology instead of art.

I think what fascinates me most about geology is that it is the study of the hidden beauty of the earth. The exhibits in the Natural History Museum are so staggeringly beautiful, that the art works of the National Gallery seem to pale in comparison. For centuries artists have plundered the earth for pigments in an attempt to recreate the beauty of God’s creation but nothing quite lives up to the sheer brilliance of a diamond, the banded beauty of agate or the colour depth of minerals like aquamarine and malachite.

Whenever, I look on the extraordinary crystalline detail and brilliant colours of these hidden treasures, I feel compelled to praise Him saying.

When I consider your earth,
the work of your fingers,
the emerald, amethyst and ruby,
which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them? ^[ ^c ^] (Paraphrase of Psalm 8: 3-4).

What amazes me most is that this staggering beauty is hidden deep within the earth, created long before the advent of humans with the ability to appreciate it. Our creator’s imagination dreamt up this righteous display of textured colour millions of years before anyone was around to disturb the earth and discover these treasures. And the extraordinary care taken is evidence of God's love of even the most basic elements of his creation.

‘Consider the iridescent beauty of labradorite and chalcopyrite buried deep within the earth, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin; yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these’ (paraphrase of Matthew 6:28-29).

This is why I have such a love affair with rocks because for me the study of geology reveals not only the beauty of creation but the extraordinary mind of the Creator. And while I amuse my family by wandering the countryside gathering mineral samples, what I am really doing is praising the Lord.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and rockhound! Visit Kate’s website www.katenicholas.co.uk to find out more about her books, TV show, online courses and blog Faith, Life and Cancer .

Thank You For the Music

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Sun, 28 May 2023 19:21:49 GMT

I have just had an experience that almost defies description. When asked to explain what exactly Abba Voyage is like, Bjorn Ulvaeus said that you just have to see it. I would agree.

This weekend, thanks to my darling sister who bought tickets for my 60 ^th birthday, I experienced nostalgia, wonder and joy as I watched the singers that I so loved in my teenage years perform as they did in the 1970s, their youthfulness recreated by technology. The sensation was surreal and my mouth literally hung open for the first part of the concert (although this word hardly conveys the full impact of Abba’s immersive high-tech venture).

Surrounded by the sounds that helped to define my childhood, I was transported back in time by the fab fours’ uncanny avatars, who strutted so convincingly across the stage, casting shadows that belied their physicality. It was if the Swedish band had been frozen in time at some point in the 1970s and then reanimated.

As the familiar songs washed over me, a memory rose to the surface of my mind; I am 12 years old playing at being Abba with my next-door neighbour (being blond she was Agnetha and I was Ana-Frida), dancing around her bedroom, singing into hairbrushes masquerading as microphones. At the same time, I feel as if I have I have been catapulted into the latter part of the 21st century; what I am seeing is the future of entertainment, but most of all what I feel is sheer joy as I sing along at the top of my voice to the familiar pop hits. The music makes me feel so vibrantly alive after all my battles with cancer and as the band belt out the words to their worldwide hit Thank You For the Music, I find myself pondering the question from the lyrics ‘Without a song or a dance, what are we?’

What are we indeed? Our ability to create music is perhaps one of the greatest gifts that God has given us. Music makes a direct appeal to our soul that transcends words. The work of everyone from our greatest classical composers to pop artists like Abba gives voice to the deepest longings of our hearts — which is why music is so important to our Creator.

Music is woven throughout the Bible; from Miriam’s triumphal song by the Red Sea to David’s uninhibited musical accompaniment of the ark into Jerusalem; from Mary’s ‘Magnificat’ to the hymns of heaven in Revelation. David used music to soothe Saul’s madness and the disciples sang at the Last Supper before Jesus went to his death. 1 Chronicles 15:16 and 23:5 record that more than one in ten Levites in temple service were musicians and the Psalms exhort us to ‘Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre’ (Psalm 33:2) and to ‘make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp’ (Psalm 92:1-3).

Not everyone, of course, can play a music instrument, but we can all sing. And the Bible encourages us to give voice to our awe and wonder at the greatest of God ‘singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart’ (Ephesians 5:19). I’m not suggesting that Abba write hymns of praise (and there are some forms of secular music which celebrate those things that displease God) but the Swedish songbirds produced do convey something of the joy of simply being alive. And even if we don’t realise it as we sing we are giving voice to a most essential part of our being; a part of us that recognises the mystery and joy of being alive. And for Christians, the music that bubbles up in our soul is always directed to our creator.

So I will continue to sing along with the other Abba fans, ‘Thank you for the music’ and ‘ will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live’ ( Psalm 104:33 ) .

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Visit Kate’s website www.katenicholas.co.uk to find out more about her books, TV show, online courses and blog Faith, Life and Cancer.

Image: I fully respect Abba’s request not to take or post images of the extraordinary performance, and this image is my photo of the wonderful printed programme accompanies the concert.

The Meaning of the Moment

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Sun, 07 May 2023 17:59:35 GMT

Have you bought or saved anything to commemorate the Coronation of King Charles III? I must admit my family have been a bit bah humbug about the whole thing. My husband is Australian and has a rather ambivalent attitude towards the monarchy and this seems to have infected the family. However, I have been determined to join in with the celebrations - including a picturesque tea party on our village green – not because I am an ardent monarchist but because I want to participate in some way with an event that is part of our collective history. I didn’t go as far as to buy a coronation mug or those commemorative plates that some people display on their walls, but I confess I did squirrel away a copy of the day’s newspaper and a flag from our coronation street party – all of which my husband and kids think is hilarious.

I do have a bit of a magpie tendency and over the years have amassed a collection of items that relate to some of the most significant moments in my lifetime; newspapers published on notable dates, such as the death of Princess Diana and the terrible day of 9/11, a programme from the Tutankhamun exhibition when it first visited the UK and other more recent documents such as the advice pamphlet sent out by the government at the beginning of Covid. However, I find it very hard to work out what might be worth saving for future generations and what is truly ephemeral.

I have always loved museum exhibitions and reconstructions that gather items from a particular period to conjure up an impression of that time: 1950s kitchens recreated complete with vintage food cans, Tupperware and Pyrex dishes; wartime ephemera such as ration books, posters and Ministry for Food leaflets and toys from my childhood. None of these are the kind of things that most of us think of keeping for posterity (even with my magpie brain I can’t imagine keeping the kind of things that I currently have in my cupboards for future generations).

The problem is that most of the time, we live on autopilot on a day-to-day basis and fail to recognise the significance of the moments we are living through, or that one day our celebrations and challenges will form the stuff of school curricula and history texts. Major events, such as the coronation of a king, stand out in our minds, but it is often only with hindsight that we can recognise the true significance of the times. In the same way, it often hard to recognise the way that God is at work in our lives as we make our way through the world. It’s often only when we look back that we are able to recognise the kairos moments of our existence.

Aristotle once said that memory is the scribe of the soul – one of those ideas that I collected and eventually turned into the title of my latest book Soul’s Scribe. I wrote this book because I believe that God wants us to develop a greater awareness of the significance of our life and times; and for us to be able to recognise how he is guiding the trajectory of our own personal and collective history.

We can, however, only develop that awareness by first looking back, tracing the meaning of our own history and recognising that the seemingly random occurrences of our lives are actually part of a bigger pattern – His plan. And then, having looked back, we are then able to look forward with a new awareness; to see our lives as an adventure, full of purpose and meaning.

This is why I looked back and eventually wrote my memoir Sea Changed , and I wrote Soul’s Scribe to help you to do as I have done and to look back over your life and to see where God has been at work, and in doing so to gain a greater awareness as you live forwards of the meaning of the moment that you are living through.

Man of Sorrows: Good Friday Reflections

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Fri, 07 Apr 2023 07:03:17 GMT

How do you imagine Jesus? If you grew up in the West it is likely that your image of Christ will be one of a European male with white skin, blue eyes and long flowing hair and beard. This is the image that has been propagated in the West since the 6 ^th century, appearing in religious paintings and reproductions up until the present day. But of course, this is not what Jesus actually looked like.

A few years ago, I was invited to engage in Encounter Prayer; a form of prayer developed by the Christian Healing Mission which creates ‘a space to meet with the living God for relationship, healing and transformation’. The process began with praying to ‘Abba’ father and then I was asked where Jesus was for me at that moment.

Now I must admit I have I have always found it very hard to visualise; whenever I’ve engaged in those kind of relaxation exercises when you are invited to imagine yourself on a beach or by a waterfall, all I ever saw was the inside of my eyelids. But on this occasion, a face appeared vividly in my mind’s eye — however, it wasn’t a face that I recognised. The person I saw in my mind’s eye was rather plain with dark skin, a large nose, coarse dark hair and a stubbly beard. It was not an overly attractive face and very far from the ethereal European image of Christ with that I had grown up with — but I knew that it was him.

Months later, I happened to pick up a copy of National Geographic in a doctor’s surgery, which contained a feature about a facial reconstruction artist who had modelled the face of Christ based on available anthropological information. As I turned the page, I nearly dropped the magazine. Staring out at me was the face that I had seen in my rather unnerving encounter with Christ, down to the last detail, including stubby beard and large nose.

The whole experience reminded of an amazing messianic passage from Isaiah which describes Jesus in the following way:

And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

He grew up before him like a tender shoot

And like a root out of dry ground

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him

Nothing in his appearance that we should desire him

He was despised and rejected by men,

A man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.

Like one from whom men hide their faces

He was despised and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:1-3 NIV).

I have always loved this scripture, largely because it is challenging in how it speaks about Jesus. The Israelites were waiting for a majestic and revolutionary king but the messiah who came was so humble and ordinary – a ‘tender shoot’ born into a working family in an occupied country. ‘He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him’ He doesn’t appear to have stood out physically, but that is the point. He wasn’t super human, he was looked just like everyone else because he was just like everyone else.

He full inhabited the human condition. He grew hungry and tired, sad and disappointed and eventually suffered the pain of death. He was ‘a man of sorrows – familiar with suffering’. A saviour who was despised and rejected, who had nowhere to lay his head even from birth, whose own family initially thought he was insane and who was hounded by the authorities of the day, and made an object of scorn as he died a terrible death on the cross.

It is one of the most powerful and extraordinary aspects of Christian belief that, in Jesus, - Emmanual – God with us - we have a creator God who knows pain of his creation. He has been through every type of suffering imaginable; betrayal, rejection, fear, despair, the agonies of the cross and even death. So, when we look at Jesus, we can see someone like us; who can sympathise with us.

Someone we can talk to about our own pain; who because of his mortal experiences, he is able to meet us in our suffering.

And because of Jesus, the man of sorrows, none of us ever have to suffer alone.

Life begins at 60?

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Thu, 09 Mar 2023 14:09:45 GMT

This week I celebrated my 60 ^th birthday – a milestone that once seemed so far away and out of reach. When I was first diagnosed with stage IV cancer at the age of fifty-one, I thought I would be lucky to see my 52 ^nd birthday. But then God did something amazing in my life and after a year of treatment I went into remission for six years —until the day after my 58 ^th birthday I was once again diagnosed with cancer.

There then followed two very difficult years as I weakened under the onslaught of chemotherapy and sepsis and then nearly lost my life following surgery. However earlier this year I had my final surgery and was just before my 60 ^th birthday was told that I was in complete remission – the most wonderful gift from God.

As a young woman I dreaded the idea of turning sixty, as I viewed this age as the beginning of the end. As I looked around at my mother’s generation, with their blue-rinsed perms and sensible shoes, too many of them seemed to be simply biding their time until they neared the end of their ‘three score years and ten.’

Much has changed however in the last few decades. These days the average life expectancy in the UK is 81.7 years (83 for a woman) although I know so many who have lasted well into their nineties. In fact, life expectancy increased twenty times faster between 2007 and 2011 than it did between 1841 and 1970 - so for most of us turning sixty, it isn’t unreasonable to expect to last another thirty years.

When I look back over my life since I was thirty, I am staggered at how much has happened. Thirty years ago, I had yet to meet my husband, have children, begin working in the media or find my faith. It wasn’t until the second third of my life that I became a wife and mother, came to Christ and found my calling which, with World Vision, to some of the most challenging places on the planet and ultimately turned me into a preacher and author. So, I look forward to the third phase of life with a keen sense of anticipation.

There seems to be a recurring theme in the Bible that the number sixty relates to the changing of seasons. In Old Testament times, at the age of sixty, men and woman were able to redeem themselves from a vow by paying a fraction of the usual number of shekels to the temple – freeing themselves from mistakes made in the first two thirds of life. And Isaac had to wait until he was sixty years old before Rebecca gave birth to their sons Esau and Jacob – the father of the tribes of Israel. I was also interested to find out that the word Sabbath – which points to the transition from work to rest - is used sixty times in the Bible.

With the shift in the retirement age, fewer people stop work at sixty, but perhaps we are encouraged to move towards a more reflective approach to life and God. In my book Soul’s Scribe, I explore what the Franciscan Friar Richard Rohr describes as a second half of life faith in which we are more able to surrender our desire for control and intellectual certainty and embrace the full mystery of God - and while the maths is slightly out of alignment - this may also apply to the third part of our lives.

Certainly, in facing my own mortality, I seem to I seem to have entered a different stage of faith. And as I enter this third phase of life, I notice that I am more able to surrender the need to always ‘know’ and to embrace the mystery that is Yahweh, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end of things, and to pray ‘Thy will be done’ and truly mean it.

So, rather than seeing turning sixty as the beginning of the end, I am joyfully embracing this birthday as the end of the beginning.

The Victory Of The Cross

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 12:32:56 GMT

Nearly two years into this second cancer journey, I am thrilled to say that the end is now in sight. Just over two weeks ago, I went into the operating theatre for my second mastectomy and recovering remarkably well.

Last time I went through this process I nearly died as the result of rare internal haemorrhage but this time the surgery and the recovery has been gloriously uneventful. Praise the Lord. And this week, I received a call from my surgeon to say that the histology show that there were no remaining cancer cells. God has ‘reached down from high and taken hold of me; he drew me out from deep water. . . He brought me out into a spacious place’ (Ps. 18:16-24). Hallelujah.

I cannot stop thanking the Lord and the staff who cared for me. Both my oncologist and surgeon have been at pains to point out that they cannot guarantee that the cancer will never return but this cannot detract from the joy that wells up in my heart when I wake each morning. I feel as if I have once gain been given a new lease of life.

People often talk about battling against cancer but, on this journey, I was laid low so many times by the treatments that the fight was beaten out of me. Instead, I felt that God was asking me to pray like Charles de Foucald, ‘Father, I abandon myself in to your hands; do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you. I am ready for all; I accept all.’ And to trust in the knowledge that while we may be weak, that any battle we may face has already been won by Christ on the cross.

I have long been fascinated by Celtic Christianity and for these early Christians the cross was seen to hold immense power and was a symbol of Christ’s victory over evil; Christus Victus, who ‘having disarmed the powers and authorities . . . made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross’ (Col. 2:15). In the tradition of the ancient hero sagas, Christ was seen by the Celts as the ultimate conquering warrior or Dryhtnes and the cross is imagined as the scene of the ultimate battle. As such, the image of the cross itself, was seen as having power over evil and was often invoked in prayer as a weapon to be used in spiritual warfare and for protection.

Now I don’t believe that cancer is the work of the devil, but I do believe that evil exists and can invade our thoughts, undermining our relationship with God who is good, replacing faith with fear. For that reason, the cross has been a constant companion for me on this journey, in my heart . . . and in my hand.

As I went through scans, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and nerve-racking results meetings, I have held on to the small wooden cross pictured above. This Bethlehem olive wood cross was given to me nine years ago at the beginning of my first cancer journey and has absorbed so much radiation that I am surprised it doesn’t glow green in the dark. The feel of this cross in my hand has been the last thing I was conscious of as I went under the anaesthetic for surgery and the first thing I asked for when I awoke in the recovery room.

It's the cross that has helped to drive out fear, and sustained me as I passed through the valley of the shadow of death, and I know that even if this journey had ended differently, this in itself would still have been a great victory.

By the grace of God, however, I have survived, and as I move forward I will always try to remember that my life is not something that I have battled from the jaws of death, but a gift to be lived out in the recognition of the victory of the cross.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Her latest book is Soul’s Scribe – a guide to understanding and sharing your soul story.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

Waiting on God

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Tue, 10 Jan 2023 16:34:56 GMT

A live example of God's teaching methods

How easy to do you find it to wait on something important? I must say I find it quite a challenge which is probably why the theme keeps cropping up in this blog. My current wait is for a date for my second mastectomy. I was originally due to have this surgery on 29 ^th December but just before Christmas I finally caught Covid after successfully evading it for over two years. Understandably my surgery was immediately cancelled and I was told that I would be given another date in the New Year.

Since then, I have been waiting for the phone to ring. On various occasions I have tried to take matters into my own hands and have rung the admissions line only to be greeted by an ansaphone message which says something along the lines of ‘If you are ringing to find out your surgery date – don’t! We will ring you.’

I have huge sympathy for the staff of the NHS at this terribly difficult time and am frankly horrified by the impact that the current crisis is having on patients and their families. Every death and any suffering caused by the pressure on the NHS is a tragedy. At the same time, I have spent the last couple of months psyching myself up for this surgery after the with the drama round my previous mastectomy (I suffered and internal haemorrhage and required resuscitation and emergency surgery) and there is only so long once can maintain such a state of preparedness.

While I wait I am also avoiding socialising so as not to contract any of the other viruses that are currently running rampant and the uncertainty means that I am unable to take on any new work for clients. My life is in limbo, but once again God seems to be using these circumstances as an opportunity for learning.

The book of Ruth

The other day, when I was feeling particularly vexed about the uncertainty of the next few months, I stumbled across a programme by Pastor Joseph Prince on TBN UK about the book of Ruth. He said that at time when he had really been struggling with waiting he had been given a passage from the Chapter 3 which recounts how on the advice or her mother-in-law Naomi, Ruth the Moabite went to the threshing floor of her kinsman-redeemer Boaz and enacted a traditional proposal by lying at his feet as he slept after threshing the harvest.

Naomi’s hope was that Boaz, who is seen in the light of the New Testament as a ‘type of Christ’, would redeem the land that belonged to her late husband and at the same time bring her under his roof as her wife. There was however another who could challenge this plan, so Boaz tells her to return home while Boaz negotiates with the other potential redeemer in the presence of the town elders. When she returns to her mother-in-law, Naomi tells her ‘Wait my daughter until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today’ (3:18).

It was this passage that drew Joseph Prince up short and one that I have been meditating on, because if Boaz the redeemer is indeed type of Christ, then there is a very important lesson here i.e., that just because we may feel that nothing is happening while we are waiting, it doesn’t mean that God isn’t at work on our behalf.

Trusting that God is on the case

In fact, it’s a message that is repeated throughout the Bible. In Exodus 14:14, when the Israelites were being pursued by the Pharoah and his men, Moses told them ‘The Lord will fight for you , you only have to be still.’ In his final speech as he challenged God’s rebellious people over their lack of faithfulness, the prophet Samuel told them ‘Now then, stand still and see the great thing the LORD is about to do before your eyes’ (1 Sam. 12:16) upon which the Lord responded with an impressive climatic display to emphasise his power. And in the beautiful thirty-seventh Psalm, David assures the people that God is fully aware of all the challenges that they suffer and the seemingly paradoxical prospering of the wicked and instructs them ‘Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act’(Ps.37: 7).

When we face the challenges of life, especially those that don’t seem to be resolving as quickly as we would like them to do, we are called on to stop agitating about the issue and instead to be still, and trust that God is on the case. Some of these passages seem to suggest that he will resolve our issues today but we need to remember that ‘With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day’ (2 Peter 3:8). He will answer our prayers, but not necessarily to our deadline. in the meantime, we are to be still and trust that God is on the case.

Dear Lord, today I hand over to you all my worries, concerns and impatience and I will be still, for I know that you are on the throne – and will stop bothering the admissions team!

Post script

I can’t believe it. Just as I was about to post this, I received a call from the admissions office to tell me that my surgery will go ahead

on 24 ^th January! A live example of God’s teaching methods.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her memoir Sea Changed an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer. Her latest book is Soul' Scribe – a guide to understanding and sharing your soul story.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Wishing you a wonderful Christmas and a joy-filled New Year

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 11:08:29 GMT

The Jesus Prayer

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Fri, 21 Oct 2022 16:48:18 GMT

I have recently been reading about the Jesus Prayer, an ancient form of prayer adopted by the Desert Fathers in the fourth century, which is still central to the Orthodox church today. The Jesus Prayer ‘‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner’ (which in its shorted form of ‘Lord have mercy’ became the Kyrie Eleison) is central to the practice of practice of hesychasm a form of meditative prayer focused on a union with, and experience of, God, practiced by the Desert Fathers. The Fathers would silently repeat this prayer in their minds like a mantra until it became as much a part of them as their heartbeat – a state known quite simply as the Prayer of the Heart.

I first learnt about this form of prayer while going through my last round of cancer treatment. Going through chemotherapy during the Covid pandemic I became increasingly isolated, and found myself naturally turning inwards towards a more meditative relationship with God. The Jesus Prayer helped me during that time and while the prayer of the heart remains beyond my reach, I still love to meditate on that profound cry of the soul ‘Lord Jesus have mercy.’

This morning as I walked up the lane about my village to my favourite spot high up above the ploughed field, the words of the Jesus prayer rose up in my mind in sync with my footsteps and with each inner vocalisation, I seemed to read a different meaning into the words. As I looked up to the hazy light of the sun above the ploughed field and copper treetops, I prayed:

Lord Jesus have mercy upon this earth and on us sinners who have been such bad stewards of your creation.

Lord Jesus have mercy on those who lead the nations of the Earth. Lord have mercy.

Lord Jesus have mercy on those who raise their hands in anger, show them the way of mercy. Lord have mercy.

Lord Jesus have mercy in war rooms and on the battlefields. Lord have mercy.

Lord Jesus have mercy on those who live in fear of their life, who wait for the bombs to fall on their homes and for their families to be scattered. Lord have mercy

Lord Jesus have mercy on those who are afraid that they cannot afford to feed the children and of the coming cold. Lord have mercy.

Lord Jesus have mercy on those who mourn, who grieve and feel only loss. Lord have mercy.

Lord Jesus have mercy on those who are nearing the end of their life. Lord be with them in the darkest hours and guide them home to the light. Lord Jesus have mercy.

Lord Jesus have mercy on those who suffer in mind, body and spirit. Lord be their healing balm. Lord have mercy.

Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy for the times when I have not shown mercy. Forgive me all those times when I have sought to be consult rather than console, to be understood rather than to understand.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner

Amen

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer. Her latest book is Soul’s Scribe – a guide to understanding and sharing your soul story.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

A Fitting Legacy? In Memoriam

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 16:11:50 GMT

Over the past week, like many I have found it hard to peel myself from watching the rituals of royal death that are being broadcast around the clock. I’ve been particularly mesmerised by the five mile queue to witness the Queen’s lying in state as it snaked its way along the river Thames; a diverse collection of individual and families willing to shuffle their way through the cold autumn nights, inching slowly forward until, at last, they make their way into Westminster Hall and have their moment before Her Majesty’s coffin.

The emotion has been evident. The death of the Queen seems to have had a profound effect on individuals from every part of British society and further afield. There are, of course, some who would prefer an end to the institution of the monarchy but even those who would not have called themselves royalists seem to be moved by the passing of Lilibet, the girl who didn’t want to be Queen and went on to become the most respected head of state in the world. There’s a sense that we are participating in the making of history - the end of the Elizabethan era – and the acres of flowers, stuffed bears and scribbled notes placed around Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle testify to a sense of personal grief that many seem to feel.

Most of us did not really know the Queen - she was an intensely private woman who rarely wore her heart on sleeve - but her dignity and her commitment to serve were evident and widely admired. Tributes have poured in from world leaders including those with whom our government currently has rather frosty relations. Emmanuel Macron for example wrote ‘Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II embodied the British nation’s continuity and unity for over 70 years. I remember her as a friend of France, a kind-hearted queen who has left a lasting impression on her country and her century’. Even Vladimir Putin sent his condolences to Charles III saying that Queen had ‘rightfully enjoyed the love and respect of her subjects, as well as authority on the world stage’.

I have never been an ardent royalist but in recent days I have come to see how in these turbulent times the Queen has provided a much needed sense of continuity. Over the seventy years of her reign, the Queen has seen fifteen different prime ministers come and go. She also witnessed six different wars and disputes during her lifetime including World War II, the Suez Crisis, the Troubles in Ireland, the Falklands War and the current situation in Ukraine. Throughout as monarch she has provided an ever fixed mark in the midst of changing tides.

In this post-modern world, many believe that there is no objective truth, values or reason to which we can cling onto - an idea that in the midst of chaos leaves us with nowhere to turn – but the public reaction to the Queen’s death seem to point to a yearning for something perpetual and enduring. As one BBC presenter put it ‘we have political turbulence all the time and [with the Queen] there is a sense that something above is holding it all together.’ For many it seems the Queen symbolised this continuity that seems to transcend the vacillating tides of human affairs. Liz Truss referred to the Queen as ‘the rock on which modern Britain was built’ -a rock being a symbol of stability, permanence, strength, dependability, and steadfastness.

She, in turn, has pointed to Jesus as the source of her strength and the model for her life. In her 2014 Christmas address she spoke of Jesus as ‘the bedrock of her faith’, and ‘an inspiration and an anchor’ for her life. She was not only Sovereign of the realm but also the ‘Defender of the Faith and Supreme Governor of the Church of England’ and her throughout her life she has pointed to a higher power as the only true source of constancy and stability in our lives; always steadfast, always dependable and eternal.

Could it be that, in the midst of these turbulent times, the pilgrimage to pay homage to our earthly monarch masks a deeper yearning for something truly perpetual that lies above the chaos of our world? If so, it would indeed be a fitting legacy for our Queen.

Kate Nicholas

Just Passing Through: Summer Holiday Reflections

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Mon, 22 Aug 2022 15:42:20 GMT

I have just returned from an amazing couple of weeks roaming around Wales in our motorhome L’Escargot, and swimming and paddle-boarding on remote sun-kissed lakes and beaches. The weather was extraordinary, particularly for Wales (I won’t go into the reason for this in this blog, suffice it to say that they are extremely worrying) but for a while life felt idyllic.

I don’t know about you, but every time I go on holiday to somewhere beautiful I find myself hankering to up sticks and move there permanently. In fact, when my Australian husband first came to the UK to live with me, we travelled all over England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales and found at least two or three potential locations for relocation each year. While on holiday, we were drawn like months to the windows of estate agents in every beautiful town we passed through, and would spend months on our return home fantasising about an alternative existence which such locations seem to offer.

Of course, thousands give in to this urge, particularly in their later years, and relocate to beloved holiday destinations all over Europe and beyond. It is a well-trodden path and one we too might have followed had it not been for elderly parents and young children in schools who required a sense of stability. I was particularly drawn to the idea of living in Wales having spent five years living by the sea in Aberystwyth while I studied for a BA and Masters in Fine Art. In my imagination I could see myself living in a cottage high up on a sheep strewn hillside, roaming the beaches and heather covered mountainsides sketchbook in hand, and walking through the town towards the tantalising sun-glistened Irish Sea.

However, on this most recent holiday, it dawned on me that I was, for once, revelling in the beauty of the places that we visited without feeling a need to somehow capture and ‘possess’ the experience. As we passed through the exquisite emerald green hillsides of Snowdonia down to my old stomping ground of Aberystwyth, I found myself appreciating the impermanence of the moment.

Perhaps it is cancer that has taught me to hold such experiences more lightly; to more fully appreciate the beauty of the moment without sullying the experience with the desire to prolong. Or perhaps it is the wisdom of years that enables me to see that the grass is not always greener on the other side and that some experiences are better just passing through. Leaving aside the fact that the sun does not always shine in Wales (it seemed to drizzle for a majority of my five years in Aberystwyth), the reality is that even if we move to the most beautiful location we have ever seen, we cannot escape the inevitable troubles that we will all experience at one time or another. To think otherwise is to like ‘ a chasing after the wind’ (Ecclesiastes 9:6).

In 1 Corinthians 7:17 the Apostle Paul advises ‘don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you.’ (MSG). This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t take a holiday; in fact the whole concept of rest was built into the fabric of our lives by our Creator. The whole concept of a weekly time of rest Sabbath was ordained by God, along with the idea of a sabbath year every seven years in which the earth itself allowed to rest. He knows how important it is for us to be able to take a break from the daily grind and to have times of rest and renewal, and going away from our home base is a really good way to do this as it enables us to look our lives from a different perspective.

However, the key is to be able to take the novelty of those experiences and appreciate the joy of the moment – no matter how impermanent – and to be able to take all that we have learnt back with us and to be integrate this richness into the lives that we already have.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Find out more about her books (including her latest release Soul’s Scribe – a guide to understanding and sharing your ‘soul story) , TV show, events and online courses at www.katenicholas.co.uk And subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith, Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

Wed, 20 Jul 2022 17:38:08 GMT

Last week I celebrated a very significant milestone on my cancer journey.

Over the past eighteen months, as I struggled with the side effects of chemotherapy, post-surgery complications and a compromised immune system, I have celebrated with others as they rang the bell on the wall of my local cancer centre which signals the end of their treatment.

It’s a moment pregnant with meaning for everyone involved; the celebrant, those who have cared for them, and fellow patients who enthusiastically applaud other lucky patients as they depart the centre for hopefully the last time.

I must admit that, at times on this journey, I began to wonder if I would ever make this moment and I’m profoundly grateful to God and to the wonderful medics of the NHS for bringing me this far.

But my time finally came to go through this highly symbolic ritual to mark the last cycle of Herceptin, I was found I was overwhelmed by a complex mix of emotions. I was almost lightheaded with relief at being officially in remission granted yet another lease of life. I was also filled with love for those who had cared for, and walked with, me, on this journey but as I looked around the chemotherapy ward, I also felt a deep sorrow for those who cancer had already claimed and those who I suspect will never get their chance to ring ‘the bell’.

Back at the beginning of this journey, I met a young woman who was suffering from terminal cervical cancer. She was one of those who tragically would never get to ring the bell yet, when another had their moment, her face lit up with joy at the thought of another’s freedom from cancer. And it’s a testament our common humanity that, as I rang the bell, my fellow patients once again applauded and joined with me in my joy.

It's still going to take some time for my immune system to recover and I am due to have one more round of surgery to help prevent the cancer returning for a third time. But I will no longer be returning to the cancer centre for three weekly mono-clonal antibody treatments.

So my fervent prayer now is that as many of my fellow travellers as possible will also reach this milestone but also that all know the peace of and presence of God no matter where their journeys take them.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith, Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

Rebellious Hope

Wed, 29 Jun 2022 17:18:19 GMT

The Legacy of Dame Deborah James (DBE)

I was so sad to hear the news that the effervescent Dame Deborah James (DBE) has finally succumbed to bowel cancer at the age of 40.

James who worked as a deputy head teacher up until her diagnosis, shot to fame as she died in public over a five year period. She wrote a column for The Sun , co-hosted the BBC Radio Live podcast You, Me and The Big C alongside fellow cancer patients Lauren Mahon and Rachael Bland.

She also wrote a blog called Bowel Babe in which she talked with disarming openness about her treatment and the prospect of death and a book entitled F*** You Cancer: How to Face the Big C, Live Your Life and Still Be Yourself.

Throughout James was determined not be seen as a victim. Instead she talked about ‘still living while dying’ and about her ‘rebellious hope’ and became a social media phenomenon, posting joyful videos of herself dressed to the nines during treatment and dancing in chemo suites.

It was this rebellious hope that seemed to capture the imagination and curiosity of the nation; with many wondering how this young woman, who had so much to live for, managed to maintain her extraordinary positivity as she faced her own mortality.

In the tributes that followed her death she was described as a force of nature and, as many commented, she was positive right up until the end of her life. James was a shining beacon for many cancer sufferers, and I know that I am one of the many to have been inspired by her humour and irrepressible joie de vivre. I hope that as and when my time comes that I can go with the same grace.

One of the things I’m often asked is how I stay so positive through my cancer journey. My answer is simple, my faith is the foundation of my rebellious hope. I have hope in a future that extends beyond my mortal span, but also the knowledge that no matter how hard the journey during my time on earth, I do not walk alone.

I don’t know the source of James’s rebellious hope. I didn’t know her personally although I really wish I’d the chance to meet her. I believe that she did have faith (brought up in the Church of England, she later converted to Catholicism) but during her cancer journey rarely discussed her beliefs.

However in one interview with The Express she talked about the anger she felt towards God since she was diagnosed with cancer. She spoke of the anger she felt when she thought about the heartbreak that her death would bring to her family, and her struggle to understand why God would do that to husband and children. So as part of her legacy, I think it’s important to recognise that alongside her rebellious hope, James also felt angry – and that this is okay, even if that anger is directed towards God.

The Bible is full of people’s angst about what God is up to. The prophet Jeremiah, for example, was so frustrated with God, having got nowhere after years of delivering his pronouncements, that he railed at him “O Lord, you deceived me, and I was deceived!” (Jeremiah 20:7). And Psalms passages such as “How long, O Lord? Wilt thou forget me for ever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all the day?” (Psalm 13:1-2) are expressions of deep frustration,

The reality is that God wants us to have an honest relationship with him and he big enough to handle our anger no matter how furious. Anger is also natural part of the grief cycle and it’s important to recognise that our faith can co-exist alongside our anger and even rebellious hope. Let’s face when we direct our anger towards a deity, this is in itself evidence of a kind of hope which in todays’ society is pretty rebellious.

A lot has been said about the legacy left by this extraordinary woman; her openness has undoubtedly raised awareness of bowel cancer, her demeanour has inspired many and there’s also the £6 million plus in donations that she has raised for Cancer Research UK.

However, to say that James will be remember for her positivity is perhaps not giving her enough credit, as I think her legacy is far deeper. Through her extraordinary openness and vulnerability she was able to normalise the full spectrum of emotions that one experiences when facing up death, and to help people to see that you do not need to be in denial to have rebellious hope.

As she said in her final message ‘Find a life worth enjoying; take risks; love deeply; have no regrets; and always, always have rebellious hope. And finally check your poo – it could just save your life.’

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith, Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

For more information on Bowel Cancer visit https://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/

You can also donate to her Bowel Babe Fund for Cancer Research UK at https://justgiving.com/campaign/BowelbabeFund

Closing Doors and God's Timing

Wed, 08 Jun 2022 15:53:46 GMT

Have you ever noticed how God seems to close certain doors on you, forcing you to change direction or to wait on his timing? It is a phenomenon that I have encountered once again this week, as a closing door forces me to change my plans yet again.

Later this month I had expected to go through my second mastectomy surgery; a recommended procedure given that I have now had managed to have stage four breast cancer, three different combinations of HER2 and HR positive/negative tumours, across two breasts. I’ve only gone one life so despite nearly shuffling off the mortal coil last time I went under the knife, I have been steeling myself to have this second surgery.

I have, however, been struggling with the timing. As a family we agreed that, given that I nearly died due to post-surgical complications following my first mastectomy, it would be best to let our youngest get through her A ‘Level exams before risking any further upset. At the same time, we also didn’t want her first term at university to be dogged by fears about my health. Which meant we had only a small window of opportunity between her exams and announcements of results.

However, we also needed to time the surgery at the right point on my treatment cycle, to ensure that my white cell count – and ability to deal with infection – was at its most robust. Once I combined this with my required heart scans and other routine tests, the picture became so convoluted that I actually put together a Gantt chart in an attempt to find the optimum timing!

But while I was busy making plans, God obviously had other ideas – as, over the Platinum Jubilee weekend, my immune system once again broke down with the inevitable trip to the Accident and Emergency Unit. And not surprisingly when I met with my surgeon earlier this week – armed with my spreadsheet – she immediately said that, given what happened last time and the state of my immune system, that there was no way that said surgery was going ahead as planned.

I probably should have seen this coming. Over the past couple of months, the complexity of my Gantt chart seems to grown with an ever increasing number of hurdles springing up in my path. In the past I might have recognised the signs, but in my desire to rid my body of every potential cancer cell, I had simply over ridden any lurking suspicion that I was being sent a message, until the point that this particular door simply slammed in my face. And I was once again taught the truth that ‘Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails’ (Proverbs 19:21).

Who knows what would have happened if the surgery had gone ahead as planned - it is perfectly possible that my body would not have been strong enough to deal with this second surgery at this stage. And, while I have only a partial and short term view of my future, God sees the entirety of my life timeline and in his wisdom stopped me in my tracks.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. You just have to be alert to the signs, and open minded enough to ‘ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.’ Because if you submit to the Lord ‘in all your ways’, he promises that ‘he will make your paths straight.’ (Proverbs 3-5).

My surgery is now likely to happen towards the end of year, giving me time to finish my cancer treatment and for my immune system to fully recover. And now that I have stopped pushing my own agenda, I can see the eminent wisdom of this decision. And I know that when he judges that the time is right, he will open the door for me to step through.

Her latest book, Soul’s Scribe (launched in 2021) draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years’ of reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith, Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Praying For Time

Mon, 23 May 2022 17:05:55 GMT

This weekend our family celebrated our youngest’s eighteenth birthday – a major milestone which at one point I doubted that I’d ever see. In fact, eight years ago, when I was first diagnosed with cancer – and she was just ten years old – one of my most fervent prayers was that I would live to see this birthday. And as we partied, I looked back in wonder and gratitude that I have survived long enough to see her graduate to adulthood.

The whole concept of time takes on a particular poignancy when you have been diagnosed with cancer. Everyone’s experience will be different but when I first found out I had cancer my time horizons shrank dramatically.

Unsure about how long I had left to walk upon this earth, I had to contemplate a future which I might not be a part of; in fact I went so far as to write letters, and to put together gifts, for the major milestones in my children’s lives including their eighteenth and twenty first birthdays — as well as their weddings and the birth of their first born children (the grandchildren that I couldn’t imagine I would ever see).And while I prayed fervently that I would see my children grow up — to blossom into adults — on a day to day basis I found I was only able to focus on the very short term; to plan beyond the next twenty four hours seemed presumptuous.

When I gained a clearer idea of my prognosis and treatment, that time horizon extended slightly and I was able to think about my life in blocks of twenty one days (the time between each of my chemotherapy cycles). And, when against all odds, I went into remission, my time horizon expanded even further, enabling me to plan ahead for the three months before my next quarterly check-up. Until, after a couple of years in remission, I finally allowed myself the luxury of a trip to Australia to see our family, a process that involved buying a reasonably priced ticket nearly a year in advance. However, as I pressed the confirm purchase button on the airline website, I felt that familiar frisson of doubt – will I ever actually make this trip or will the cancer claim my future once again?

And then finally in 2020 when I passed the five year survival mark, I allowed myself the outrageous hope that cancer was a thing of the past, and began to get used to the idea that I was going to live. Until on March 8th 2021 I received the dread phone call to tell me that my mammogram had once again detected cancer. At which point my time horizon once again began to shrink and I was back to thinking one day at a time.

Now as I near the end of my cancer treatment and face what will hopefully be my final surgery, I am slowly beginning to think ahead again. However my future focus is still somewhat tentative. On this latest cancer journey, I have faced so many twists and turns that I am still loathe to anything into my calendar more than a week or two in advance.

But God has been so very good to me; he walked with me every step of the way and has brought me through many dangers. So on the day I celebrated my youngest’s eighteenth birthday, I dared to pray a new prayer; that I might now survive cancer long enough to see both of my children married to loving partners and perhaps even get to hold a grandchild. But at the same time I also recognise that ‘With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day’ (2 Peter 3:8), and that my times are truly in his hands.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith, Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

Returning To the Pulpit

Sun, 24 Apr 2022 15:40:05 GMT

This Sunday felt like a bit of a milestone as I returned to the pulpit after nearly two years absence, courtesy of Covid and cancer.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer seven years ago God gave me a promise ‘I will not die, but will live and declare the works of the Lord’ (Ps 118:17), and when again all odds I recovered, I made this the mission of my life – declaring his works as a preacher, author and broadcaster. But since the onset of Covid in 2020 and my cancer diagnosis in 2021, this mission has been somewhat curtailed.

The fact that I am clinically extremely vulnerable means that for the last couple of years, I have been unable to travel to TBN’s TV studios to film and have been rendered a rather ineffective member of the ministry team of St Peter’s and St Paul’s. And instead have spent most of my time squirreled away in my home office writing my blog and my forthcoming book To the Ocean Floor . But at the start of 2022, I decided enough is enough. Although I am still going through treatment, I decided that I had to take the risk and return to church, first as a member of the congregation and now to the pulpit.

I have been preaching for some years now – and prior to my rather extended lockdown spoke all over the country in my capacity as an author - so I was rather surprised to wake on Sunday morning with butterflies in my stomach. I felt like a complete novice and frankly rather nervous (it doesn’t help the nerves that I preach where John Newton, author of the world famous hymn Amazing Grace, once declaimed! These are rather big boots to fill.)

And as I looked out on the morning’s pretty packed congregation, which included rows of Scouts and Cubs there to celebrate St George’s Day, I felt the full weight of the responsibility of sharing God’s word, and the challenge of doing so in a way that resonates with worshippers ranging in age from eight to eighty.

This is one of the great joys and challenges of church ministry. The church at its best is a melting pot of different ages, genders, ethnicity and cultural backgrounds. There is no audience segmentation or profiling just the glorious diversity of God’s people crammed into a building. And it’s the preachers task to share the living word with the gathered body of Christ in a way that inspires, encourages, challenges and comforts each and every soul.

It's an awesome responsibility and one which, in the midst of my recent cancer treatment, I wasn’t sure that I’d ever have the chance to take up again. So standing there once again at the pulpit, it felt very appropriate that the daily reading from the Acts of the Apostles was all about persisting in preaching.

Chapter Five of Acts recounts a time when the apostles were imprisoned by the religious leaders for their preaching. The authorities of the day originally thought that the troubling splinter group of Jesus followers had been snuffed out with his death, but following the resurrection, the ‘cult’ was only gathering momentum with an increasing number of converts baptised.

Luke recounts how the high priest and his associates were so jealous of the crowd the apostles were attracting with their preaching that they arrested them and put them in the public jail. But during the night, God supernaturally intervened, opening the doors of the jail and letting them out. Whereupon, undeterred, the apostles headed straight back to the temple courts and continued to boldly preach the gospel.

At the end of their tether, the religious authorities once again arrested the preachers and had Peter and the apostles brought before the Sanhedrin, where the high priest railed at them ‘We gave you strict orders not to preach in his name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching.’ To which Peter and the apostles quite simply replied, ‘We must obey God rather than any human authority.’(v 29)

Even when faced with a possible death sentence, the apostles refused to recant and to stop doing God’s work. It’s a great example of the persistence of faith and obedience to declaring the works of the Lord, in the face of seemingly overwhelming opposition.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t compare myself in any way to the apostles! But what I do recognise is that persistent urge within to speak (and write) about Jesus. It’s a gift from God, the persistence and urgency of faith in the midst of trials. It feels almost like an instinctive drive, buried deep within. And even when I was desperately ill while going through treatment it kept on surfacing, urging me on.

And while this Sunday’s preaching may have been a bit rusty, like the apostles, every atom in my anatomy is telling me to get up, dust myself off, and to return to this God-given mission to ‘declare the works of the Lord.’

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith, Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey.

PRESS RELEASE

Tue, 15 Mar 2022 16:36:25 GMT

Kate Nicholas takes us on a journey to discover and share our soul story in her new book Soul’s Scribe publishing this February.

Be empowered to share your soul story with others.

Each of us has a soul story to tell – the unique story of how we experience God throughout our lives. In Soul’s Scribe , Kate Nicholas expertly takes you on a journey through the various stages of your life, helping you to see your soul’s story as an adventure full of meaning and purpose, connecting your tale with the great sweeping arc of God’s eternal narrative. As you identify the main themes of your life that connect past and present, you will be able to understand your life as a coherent whole. And at the end of this reflective and practical process, you will have the tools to step out and tell your own story with confidence, and point others to Jesus as you are empowered to share the good things God has done for you.

‘Soul-deep wisdom inside us tells us that our story is connected in a profound way with God’s eternal narrative.’

As an author, broadcaster and preacher, Kate feels called to help people to see that our reality is far more mysterious and exciting than we can ever imagine; encouraging them to recognise that behind the often hum drum events of our lives, lies a different and more profound ‘soul story’ about that part of us that connects us to God. Her eyes were opened to that reality by a cancer diagnosis. ‘As I hovered on the border between life and death, I was able to recognise how God had been with me right the way back to my earliest childhood and I captured this experience - my soul story - in my memoir Sea Changed which has gone on to inspire many.’ While speaking to a church group about her own story, one woman noted that we only really look back over our lives when we realise that time is short. ‘ She left quite an impression on me. I realised that before cancer brought me to a standstill, I like many, had lived most of my life on autopilot. It is really hard to step back and to take the take the time to reflect on the lessons of our own lives while we are busy living.’ This planted the seed of Soul’s Scribe.

Using scripture, developmental psychology and personal experience , Kate takes you on a fascinating journey through the various stages of your life to see how God has been at work. You may not think your life story is particularly interesting or important, but Kate reveals how each of us has a ‘soul story’, the tale of our inner walk with God which he calls us to share, and she provides you with the kind of tools used by professional communicators to help you to tell your soul story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Kate hopes that Soul’s Scribe will ‘ engender a sense of wonder and gratitude at God’s loving care for each of us, and a desire to encourage others by sharing the story of our soul’s journey.’ Soul’s Scribe helps readers connect their own story with God’s narrative and helps them communicate that experience in a way that will encourage and inspire others.

Kate Nicholas is an author, broadcaster, and speaker with more than thirty years’ experience in national journalism and global communications. She now runs a management and communications consultancy and preaches at the Amazing Grace church of St Peter and St Paul in Olney, Bucks.

Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story with God’s Narrative by Kate Nicholas is published on 12th February by Authentic Media, 9781788930215, £9.99, PB.

Note to editors and writers: Feel free to build upon the interview that follows. To request a review copy or set up an interview with Kate Nicholas please contact us at the details below.

More info available here and cover image here .

Authentic Media, PO Box 6326, Bletchley, Milton Keynes, MK1 9GG,

Tel: +44 (0)1908 268500, Email: marketing@authenticmedia.co.uk

Through The Darkness Into The Light

Tue, 15 Mar 2022 16:15:44 GMT

In the midst of the terrible darkness of the ongoing atrocities in Ukraine, this week’s Sunday service in my local church was like a ray of light. It was the first family service I have attended in nearly two years, and it was made all the more wonderful by the inclusion of both a child and adult baptism. For the first time in far too loo long, the liturgy was interlaced with the sounds of children playing. And as sunlight streamed through stained glass, it was if spring had entered the church bringing with it light and hope.

As we sang the wonderful anthem ‘Give me joy in my heart keep me praising’, I felt a mixture of vivid emotions; a sense of guilt at the unexpected joy that was rising in my heart when I know that so many are suffering so appalling as a result of the ongoing conflict not only in Ukraine, in other places of pain such as Yemen, as well at those brought down by mental and physical sickness. At the same time I also felt also a deep sense of gratitude that joy can still be experienced in the midst of the darkness that engulfs the world. And as the candidates came to the ancient font to take part in the symbolic immersion in the waters of life, I was reminded of a profound experience I had when I was so very ill with sepsis during my early chemotherapy treatment.

As I lay in hospital drifting in and out of consciousness, it was as though I was far out at sea, trying swim desperately amidst the churning waves until eventually I no longer had the strength to stay afloat. At which point something within me said ‘surrender’. And as I ceased to battle against the tide, I sank below the waters, deeper and deeper, away from the light, into the darkness of the depths, until finally I came to rest on the distant ocean floor. And there, in that liminal space, I began to feel the undeniable presence of God, holding me, comforting me, until finally, as the infection receded, I began to rise up as he lifted me back up into the light.

And this week, after watching the age old ritual of baptism, I have been reflecting on the truth, that we all have to pass through our own darkness before we can brought back up into the light. That like Christ we have to pass through the shadow of death, in order to share in, and be re-born to his resurrection life. Sometimes that darkness is within us, in the form of our doubts and our fears, but sometimes tragically that darkness seems to threaten life itself, whether from sickness or the evil of oppression.

But the hope that is symbolised by baptism is that even when it seems as if all light of hope has been extinguished, that he – the God who has suffered – is with us, and that the Almighty, can use even the most ghastly of circumstances to bring new life.

So my prayer now is for all who find themselves in the depths of darkness – the victims of conflict in Ukraine and elsewhere, any who are existing in hunger, fear and despair, and anyone for whom tomorrow seems so uncertain - that they will know his presence with them, and that they too will be lifted back up in to the light.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Her latest book Soul’s Scribe draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years’ of reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog Faith, Life and Cancer to follow her healing journey

Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash

I'm Walking All Over Cancer

Fri, 11 Mar 2022 13:47:22 GMT

Ten thousand steps a day may not sound like a big deal but when you are going through cancer treatment it feels more like ten thousand miles! But I do love a challenge which is why this March I have joined the Walk All Over Cancer fundraiser for Cancer Research UK.

It was this time last year that I found out that I once again had cancer, after six years in remission. I had already survived stage IV breast cancer once but this time the cancer was more aggressive. I also found the treatment a lot harder and nearly died from an internal haemorrhage following a mastectomy. But thanks to the wonderful NHS and the goodness of God, I am once again in remission. I still have one more surgery to go and will be on bio-targeted treatments until August in a bid to prevent another recurrence, but I am getting stronger day by day.

I have been very blessed but I am far from alone in facing this challenge. One in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime, and we can all play a part to support the research that saves lives - and will hopefully one day make this dreadful condition a thing of the past.

So this March I am trying to get to the point where I can walk 10,000 steps a day in aid of Cancer Research UK. It is proving a bit harder than I thought but, so far, I am averaging 9,068 steps a day and have reached the 10,000 target five times in the last eleven days. I am getting stronger day by day and feel confident that by the last week I will be able to manage a consistent 10,000 steps a day.

So please do help me Walk All Over Cancer and fund live saving research by making a donation on my fundraising page:

https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/kate-nicholas-walks

Thank you and God bless you.

Kate

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and healing from advanced cancer.

Find out more about Kate’s books, TV show, online course and subscribe to her blog Faith, Life and Cancer at www.katenicholas.co.uk

Survivors' Guilt

Sun, 13 Feb 2022 17:00:34 GMT

Everywhere I look at the moment I seem to see cancer. The other day I heard that an wonderful faith-filled woman who I had worked with at World Vision International was nearing the end of her all too short life due to cancer, and two weeks ago a neighbour sadly succumbed this awful condition after only a few months. In fact in the lane where I live, currently fifty percent of the population have cancer of one form or another, a very stark illustration of the often repeated statistic that one in two of us are likely to suffer from cancer at some point in our lifetime.

When I heard about my former colleague and my neighbour, I must admit that I struggled with knowing how to respond. I felt like a fraud standing before the grieving widow offering my heartfelt condolences, and couldn’t help asking myself why not me? We’ve both had cancer – in fact I have had it twice – so why have I survived so far and not her husband? Why have I yet again been given another lease on life while this poor woman has lost the love of her life.? As I hugged her and told her how sorry I was for her less, I felt overwhelmed with a sense of guilt at just being alive, when so many others have lost their lives.

‘Survivors guilt’ was first recognised in the 1960s during a study of holocaust survivors. Psychiatrists found that some survivors of traumatic events came away from the experience thinking that he or she didn’t deserve to survive, and in extreme cases, some actually thought they had done something wrong by surviving. More recently survivors guilt has been recognised as a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Don’t get me wrong, I am not for one second drawing a comparison between my own trails and the terrible ordeals experienced by victims of the holocaust – such a comparison would be ludicrous and disrespectful. But there is no doubt that facing your own mortality does change you to some extent, and almost inevitably leads you to ask the question – why did I survive while others did not?

There are of course some very obvious medical answers to that question. According to Cancer Research UK, survival rates have doubled in the last forty years and in the UK, at least, fifty percent of people with commonly diagnosed cancers now survive for ten years or more, mainly due to the extraordinary advances made in terms of diagnostic technology and treatments. However there is still a huge variation in survival rates between different kinds of cancer ranging from ninety eight percent for testicular cancer to just one percent for pancreatic cancer. The differentiating factor seems to be how easy it is to diagnose the cancer in the first place, and secondly the treatment options available.

But as a Christian, there’s also a spiritual dimension to the dilemma. If we are all God’s beloved children then why is one person healed and not another? Why does one person live to see another day, and the other have to leave this earth too soon, leaving behind broken hearts?

I think one of the most deeply damaging suggestions is that your survival relates to the depth of your faith. There were, indeed, times when indeed, times when he Jesus credit his ‘patients’ individual faith as a contributing factor to their healing. Such as when a woman who fought her way through the crowds to touch the cloak of the passing Messiah in the belief that it would cure her of the menorrhea who was told ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. God in peace and be freed from her suffering.’ (Mark 5:34).

But there are also plenty of occasions when it doesn’t seem to be important whether the person being healed had faith or not. It is very unlikely, for example, that every one of the recipients of Jesus’s twenty or more mass healing sessions were devout and faith-filled followers, and when Jesus healed a paralysed man at the pool of Bethesda, the apostle John records that the fortunate man had no idea who his saviour even was (John 5:1-15).

And through the centuries there have been a long line of the sickly faithful from the Apostle Paul who cried to God in vain for God to relieve him of the ailment he called the ‘thorn in his flesh’ (2 Cor 12:7) to John Wimber, who ran a pioneering healing ministry and himself succumbed to cancer and heart issues.

So perhaps the most important realisation is that the fact that you have survived is not because God has conferred any special favour on you. I always find it slightly disturbing when people tell me that God has saved me for a purpose. I do believe that I have a God-given ministry to ‘declare the works of God’ (Psalm 118:17), but to suggest that I have been allowed to survive to fulfil that purpose rather suggests that God needs me – a pretty ludicrous suggestion when you think about it. I don’t think the great I AM is reliant on my puny efforts!

It also suggests that my purpose is somehow more important than another’s, which again flies in the face of all we know of the Almighty. God has a purpose for all of us, as Paul points out in 1 Corinthians 12, we are all gifted but God uses those gifts in different ways. So I don’t believe that those of us who have been thrown a lifebuoy have survived because of the special favour of God.

Perhaps the most honest thing we, cancer survivors, can say is that we really don’t know why we are still here. Because if we did understand God’s plans for any of us, then lets face it, he wouldn’t be God.

But what we can do is to take our experiences of suffering and give them purpose, by empathising with others and walking alongside them as they too suffer. And to honour the memories of the fallen, by truly valuing the days, weeks, months or years of extra life that we may have been given.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

Photo by Janosch Diggelmann on Unsplash

The Dangerous Sin of Hubris

Thu, 13 Jan 2022 12:02:58 GMT

Apologies if this blog veers slightly off my normal topic but after watching the news this morning, I felt compelled to write about the top three stories that featured on Sky News today i.e. Boris Johnson’s and Novak Djokovic’s unwillingness to be bound by the same rule as the rest of society during the pandemic and Prince Andrew’s alleged sexual relations with an underage young woman – all of which seem to be outrageous and flagrant examples of hubris.

The concept of hubris or hybris stems back to classical ethical and religious thought and refers to an overweening self arrogance and disregard for the limits that govern normal human action. It is the flaw that brings down most Greek heroes such as Icarus who flew too close to the sun only to plummet to earth. And, in the Bible, it is the sin that send the angel Lucifer plummeting to earth after he challenges the authority of God.

It is an extreme manifestation of that greatest of all spiritual sins – pride. In believing yourself to be above the laws of man, you are seeking to elevate yourself to the position of God. Of course, we can’t see inside the minds of the Boris, Novak or Prince Andrew (perhaps mercifully), but there seems to little sign of repentance on the part of any of them. But Boris seems to be frustrated by the fact that he has been caught breaking the rules rather than contrite at the distress he is causing those bereaved while he partied. Novak seems angered at being prevented from playing the game that he loves, rather than being sorry that he (or his agent) apparently misled the authorities about his whereabouts before entering Australia or that he attended an event while Covid-positive. While Prince Andrew’s memory lapses about a meeting recorded on camera indicate a man who believes his own rhetoric.

None of us are completely innocent of the sin of pride – it seems to be part of the human state. But these three cases are so appalling because each of them seem to devalue the lives of others apart from those committing the sin - lives given and beloved by God.

Over the past months, I have been privileged to witness the enormous courage and selflessness of people who dedicate themselves to preserving the lives of others. I have watched as they gave of themselves tirelessly and compassionately, and their grief as they have been forced to watch some of their charges die, and their joy as others have survived – including myself.

In the wards of NHS hospitals, I have seen a glimpse of God’s kingdom - -and nowhere in that Kingdom is there a place for those who disregard the lives and welfare of others. Rather it is a place of true humility; and by that I don’t mean self-abasement but rather an understanding that every member of humanity is equally of worth and beloved.

So, this morning I pray for those who believe that their lives are of more important that the lives of others, and that God would open the eyes of their hearts to their true value as part of God’s beloved creation.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

2022: a year of thriving not just surviving

Sat, 01 Jan 2022 12:32:32 GMT

New Year is traditionally a time of reflecting back and planning forwards; a Janus moment when we face both ways. And this year as we reflect back over 2021, we can’t get away from the fact that it has been a tough year for all of us. Covid and its associated health, economic and social pressures have impacted all of our lives to differing degrees.

As I look back over my own year, I thank God that I have survived, but it has certainly been challenging. I have - thank the Lord - not been visited by Covid, but I do seem to have spent a lot of time in hospital fighting for my life, and being sliced, diced and pierced with an unfeasible number of needles (my nemesis).

But there have also been times of real joy with family and friends. My cancer treatment combined with lung problems have meant that these have been few and far between (the world has not opened up for the clinically extremely vulnerable as it has for others), but their scarcity has only rendered them even more precious.

The year gone past has also been undeniably a time of incredible personal spiritual growth. As my clinically vulnerability has sadly prevented me from being with my church family, I have discovered in the silence and the sickness, a different and deep relation with my God.

One of the traditional New Year’s scriptures from Isaiah 43 seems to suggest a renunciation of the year gone by:

Remember not the former things,

nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

and rivers in the desert. (v18-19)

However, I don’t think God wants us to let go of the moments of joy – we should treasure times of closeness – but rather we should honour and then let go of memories of pain, loneliness and even loss, and then recognise that God always ‘doing a new thing’, leading on us on new paths through the wilderness and bringing life in all its fullness.

So my prayer is that in the year to come will we not only survive but also thrive, making the very most of the times that we have with others and with God.

Wishing you a very happy New Year that is filled with love and laughter, health and happiness.

Her latest book, Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story With God’s Narrative , (launched in 2021) draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years’ of reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

A Dormouse At Christmas

Tue, 21 Dec 2021 12:19:57 GMT

It seems counterintuitive to be writing about rest at this time of year when most of us are caught up in a frantic round of preparation for Christmas; shopping, cooking, wrapping and hoping that this Christmas won’t be cancelled. And usually I am one of the worst culprits for getting caught up in such preparations – behaving like a real action-orientated Martha rather than a reflective Mary.

But in this period of Advent, God has once again brought me to a standstill, this time through radiotherapy. And In this new season of my cancer treatment – with its focus on preventing recurrence – I find myself forced to rest.

There’s no doubt about it radiotherapy is a walk in the park compared to chemotherapy, but I have been surprised by how effectively it has robbed me of my normal pre-Christmas energy. In fact I seem to have turned into a dormouse! All I want to do when I get home from hospital is to curl up in a ball and fall asleep.

I was certain that I wasn’t such a somnambulist last time I went through radiotherapy but my family have reminded me that this isn’t the first time I have likened myself to a dormouse!

Since starting radiotherapy last week, I have been fighting against the fatigue, determined to keep on organising but, as the treatment has progressed, I have finally begun to realise that far from being a curse, this tiredness is in fact an invitation from God . . . to rest.

In fact the gospel of Matthew records Jesus offering this invitation saying,’ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (11:28) Rest is a gift from God. In fact, until recently, rest was hard baked into our secular week through Sunday closures – a legacy of the pattern of work and rest modelled by God himself.

But rest is also a form of worship. Because deep rest only comes when we stop leaning on our own understanding, when we stop trying to live through our own strength, but trust in our Creator and lean into him.

As I write this, the shape of this Christmas is still unclear as we wait to see if more Covid restrictions will be imposed. But if our festivities do need to be scaled back, I pray that, amidst the inevitable disappointment and upset, we are also able to accept God’s invitation to take a moment to rest, to curl up and think about the true meaning of Christ-mas and wonder at the gift of Emmanuel ‘God with us’.

Her latest book, Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story With God’s Narrative , draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years’ of reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

Learning To Live In The 'Already But Not Yet'

Thu, 09 Dec 2021 09:36:15 GMT

I am currently in a rather strange phase of my cancer journey. Following my surgery – and subsequent complications – I have now been told that the tumours have been cut from my body, while a biopsy has confirmed that, this time, the cancer had not made its way into my lymph nodes. Praise the Lord and thanks to the medics who are his hands and feet.

As you can imagine this is a massive relief. However, as this was the aggressive HER2 type of cancer, there is still quite a long road ahead in terms of treatment. Next week I begin radiotherapy and I will continue to go to the chemotherapy suite on a three weekly basis to receive the bio-targeted treatment Herceptin (Trastuzumab) until the end of summer 2022. So I find myself in an curious in-between state of ‘already but not yet’.

It should be a rather familiar position for a Christian to find themselves in; we are all already saved by Christ’s sacrifice but awaiting our final salvation upon his return – something we are reminded of during this time of Advent. And all of us have to learn to live out our lives in this in-between state of ‘already but not yet’, grateful for what we have already received while looking forward to what is to come.

I am so profoundly grateful for all that has been done for me. When I was first told that I had cancer again, I initially feared the worst. But once again God made me a promise – that he had plans to give me hope and a future (Jer 29:11) and he has been true to that promise. Now I am eager to get on with life, to put cancer behind me and make the most of that future, but going through treatment is an ever present reminder.

As anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis can tell you, once you have had cancer you have to learn to live with a metaphorical sword of Damocles hanging over your head. Cancer is both unpredictable and amazingly persistent, and once it has visited you there is always a chance that it will make another appearance.

But the reality is that life is fragile, and not just for cancer patients. And we all have to learn to make the most of this wonderful life we are given, despite its fragility. Let’s face it, If we really thought about it, few of us would ever make it beyond our front doors.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating recklessness in the face of Covid (being in the clinically most vulnerable group I have been almost obsessive about following the rules!). Rather we need to embrace the fact that it is precisely because our life spans here on earth are limited that they are so very precious.

I can truly say that I have never felt so alive than when I thought my life might be coming to an end. Each moment spent with loved ones, and in the beauty of God’s creation, became a gift.

So perhaps learning to live again, is not about forgetting cancer and focusing on the future, but embracing the awareness that it brings of the sheer joy of being alive today.

Her latest book, Soul’s Scribe draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years’ of reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her journey

My Rubber Soul: God's Gift of Resilience

Tue, 16 Nov 2021 14:30:57 GMT

Today I went for a walk in our local park and encountered some friends from church who commented on how well I looked. It is now nearly six weeks since I suffered near-fatal complications following a mastectomy, and I must admit feel like a different person. I hardly recognised the woman who first came out of hospital, battered and traumatised. The scars remain – and I am still having investigations for a potential pulmonary embolism - but I have recovered remarkably well, both physically and mentally.

When I first came home, I was physically very frail and required the kind of physical aids that I didn’t expect to use until well into my eighties. A bed downstairs had been fitted with a rail to enable me to get up in the morning and the bathroom was equipped with what I called my ‘geriatric loo seat’!

However, things could have been worse. When the occupational therapist came to visit he went round the house pointing out places where special aids should be put in. Thank goodness my darling daughter was there to head him off at the pass saying ‘my mother will kill you if you do that!’. Now a few weeks on, I am up and about and walking further each day. I have also started work in earnest in my new book about this experience which has the working title of ‘To the Ocean Floor’.

I have also, mercifully, recovered my mental equilibrium. When I first came out of hospital, I suffered from distressing flash backs to key moments in my ordeal, including the image of my husband standing crying in the lane as the ambulance doors closed and the drama and chaos of the resuscitation room which seemed to be burnt into my brain.

I was also initially overwhelmed with guilt at the trauma that I had put my family through and the thought that I had almost left them. I tortured myself by going through the events after my initial surgery, asking myself whether I could have done something differently - if I could have read the signs better. The thought that horrified me most was that if we had waited just another hour to ring the ambulance I would have died in my living room in front of him, leaving my darling husband with scars that might never heal.

But now the distressing flash backs have faded and I am once again living in, and appreciating, the current moment. The guilt has also been assuaged by my wonderful surgeon and breast care nurses who have assured me that there is nothing that I could have done to prevent this happening. Anguish has been replaced my a sense of peace in the present, and hope for the future.

When I went for my Herceptin treatment this week the nurses commented on how amazingly well I had recovered, and looking back I can see that this has been a pattern in my life. I have had far too many operations and periods of illness, but I do seem to ‘bounce back’ remarkably well. My sister has observed that I have seem to be made of steel girders, but steel doesn’t bounce! I think, rather, that God has put rubber in my soul.

Resilience is a inbuilt part of the Christian life. Jesus was brutally honest about the fact that despite following him, our temporal life would not be without troubles. But he also makes us resilient; developing that quality that enables us to ‘bounce back’ from and adapt to stressful life changes, and to move on with life after loss and tragedy. Being resilient doesn’t mean that we don’t suffer or grieve, rather it is about our ability to grow as a result of that suffering.

In Proverbs 24:16 we are told ‘for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.’ And there are great examples of resilience in the Bible, from Job, who suffered greatly but refused to give up his trust in God, to the Apostle Paul who wrote, ‘We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.’ (2 Cor 4:8-9).

The key to resilience seems to be trust. From our limited viewpoint it may look as if the end is in sight, but from God’s perspective our trails may well signal a new beginning.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You Lord

Thu, 28 Oct 2021 12:45:13 GMT

Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord.

I have finally had my results meeting and my surgeon has told me that they 'got all the cancer' and there is no spread to my lymph nodes. Praise the Lord, o my soul.

I still face a year of treatment - including potential radiotherapy - to prevent the aggressive Her2 cancer returning, but I feel a new lightness in my soul today and sense of new beginnings.

Words cannot sufficiently express how grateful and my family and are, but Psalm 116 from this morning's Daily Prayer says it all.

'I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave came over me;

I was overcome by distress and sorrow.

Then I called on the name of the Lord:

“Lord, save me!”

...

Return to your rest, my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

Thank you for all your prayers - they have been answered. Thank you xxxxxx

Kate has gone on to share her message of hope through her TV series on premiere Christian TV channel TBN Living a Transformed Life , speaking events, online courses and bible studies including Sea Changed: A Companion Guide for individuals and groups which helps people to see how God uses all the circumstances of their lives to transform them.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

Report From the Edge: Reflections On A 'Near Death' Experience

Sun, 24 Oct 2021 14:20:40 GMT

I apologise for the radio silence and lack of blogs for the last few weeks, but I have been living through the truth of Proverbs 16: 9 ‘The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.’

On October 5th, I went into hospital for a ‘simple’ mastectomy – an operation now considered so routine that it is treated as day case. The NHS performs 18,000 mastectomies per year (a sobering statistic) and the majority pass without incident and patients generally recover well at home, many being able to return to work within a few weeks.

I am not a stranger to surgery, and previous operations have gone smoothly, so I felt no great sense of trepidation (other than the usual as I went under the knife. When I came to in the recovery room I was told the operation was a success, and within an hour I was sitting up drinking tea and hoovering down custard creams. Then a couple of hours later my darling husband picked me up and brought me home, battered and bruised but relieved that the cancer had been cut from my body. So far so good.

Four days later, however, I was fighting for my life, having suffered a massive internal haemorrhage and a peri-cardiac arrest due to loss of blood. The night of the surgery I had ended up in A&E (yet again) with pain in my right leg and had been prescribed blood thinning injections for a suspected DVT. But over the next couple of days I began to bleed from the wound in my side and to suffer from intense dizziness – symptoms I reported but were told were normal. By Friday morning however I was so weak I could no longer stand, so my darling John phoned an ambulance.

Just under an hour later I was in resuscitation, my heart having nearly stopped from loss of blood (I had a blood pressure of 50/30) and after multiple blood transfusions I was taken for emergency surgery to stop an internal haemorrhage. The experience was truly surreal. I remember being surrounded by an unfeasible number of doctors and being rushed along corridors – the strip lights on the ceiling blurring as I sped towards my salvation – and thinking ‘I feel like an extra in the TV series ER’.

As the pre-med entered my system and the room receded, I realised with appalling clarity that that I may not wake again. And as I slipped towards oblivion, the faces most beloved to me passed before me my mind’s eye and I sent them my everlasting love. Then finally unbidden from somewhere deep within me, a presence and a single word rose up - Jesus.

Apparently when I woke up in the recovery room I said very loudly ‘Thank you Lord,’ closely followed by ‘F**k that hurts.’!

A subsequent CT scan then revealed that I also had multiple blood clots in my lungs and the next twenty four hours my life once again hung in the balance as the doctors administered blood thinners to stop the clots (also potentially lethal) while also trying to stem any further internal bleeding. Over 24 hours I was given several pints of kindly donated blood, but slowly and surely I began to stabilise. My life had been saved, thanks be to God and the wonderful NHS.

I am now back at home and slowly recovering, and today I felt able to write for the first time which must be a good sign. The whole experience has however left its scars – I keep having flash backs to the resuscitation room and the heart breaking moment before they closed the ambulance doors on my husband who stood crying in the middle of the road. I thought it might be the last time that we would see each other (Covid restrictions meant he could not come to the hospital), and I keep being haunted by the thought that if we had waited another hour to ring the ambulance that my children would have lost their mother and my husband his wife.

But I know that is some strange, indefinable way that God was with me through this whole experience. I have wondered why on earth I had to go through this and may never know the full answer, but I was stunned to realise that if my blood pressure had not dropped so dramatically because of the internal bleeding that the blood clots in my lungs may not have been found until too late. I could have walked around oblivious of the danger until one the time bombs in my chest went off and ended my life. God really does work in mysterious ways.

I have also gone back so many times to that incredible sense of Jesus’s presence that I experienced before going ‘under’ for surgery. I didn’t consciously call on him, but I didn’t’ need to. Rather he rose up unbidden from somewhere deep within me – a unconscious connection to the divine healer which rose to consciousness in my hour of greatest need.

I know that the physical scars and the symptoms of PTS will eventually fade, but the knowledge and gratitude that Jesus is such an integral part of who I am as a human being will stay with me the rest of my days.

Kate has gone on to share her message of hope through her TV series on premiere Christian TV channel TBN L iving a Transformed Life , speaking events, online courses and bible studies including Sea Changed: A Companion Guide for individuals and groups which helps people to see how God uses all the circumstances of their lives to transform them.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

The Black Dog: 'Why Are You So Downcast, O My Soul?'

Tue, 28 Sep 2021 10:09:53 GMT

Why are you so downcast, o my soul?’ (Psalm 42.5) - words written so many hundreds of years ago that still resonate with so many today; words that I’ve asked myself over the last couple of weeks.

Rationally, I should not be downcast. I am now moving onto the next stage of my cancer treatment. This week I have begun 12 months of three weekly cycles of Herceptin and Pertuzumab, the ‘wonder’ bio-targeted treatments designed to tackle aggressive HER2 cancer. I am so blessed to have access to these amazing drugs which hugely improve your chances of surviving this particular type of cancer.

Moreover I have now completed the cycles of the brutal chemotherapy treatment that has laid me so low – and landed me in hospital a few times over the summer - but which has been highly successful in shrinking down the tumours. In fact one of the three malignancies has gone completely. Praise the Lord.

I am also about to have surgery on the 5th of October which will hopefully remove cancer from my body completely. And even if cancer cells are detected in my lymph nodes there is radiotherapy on hand.

I still feel a profound sense of fatigue that built over time (the effects of chemotherapy or cumulative and last for about 6 months after treatment finish), but I have much to be glad about.

God has been so good to me. I believe his promise he that has plans to give me ‘hope and a future’ (Jer. 29:11) and I am trusting him that I will beat the odds for a second time. There is so much to be profoundly thankful for. So why does my soul feel so downcast within me?

I don’t have an easy answer for this. But that is an experience that those who suffer from depression will be no doubt be familiar with. Our mental health doesn’t always mirror our circumstances.

I have been lucky. My father suffered from what was once called manic depression (now known as bipolar) and I could easily have inherited this condition, but I did not, thank the Lord. However I have had times in my life when I have been visited what my father used to call the ‘black dog’.

It seems to come out of nowhere like a shadow that blocks out the sun. Sometimes there’s an incident that triggers this melancholy, but on other occasions it seems to come with its own volition, and leaves you feeling emotions that seem out of step with one’s circumstances.

At times like these I usually focus on counting my blessings, but unfortunately as most people with depression will tell you, this doesn’t always help. In fact it can be about as helpful as being told to ‘buck up’.

The reality is that it’s possible to be profoundly grateful all the things that God has blessed you with - family, love, security, health - but still feel this sense of ennui.

Perhaps one of the most helpful things is to realise that we are far from alone. One of the only positives to have come out of the Covid crisis has been a wider recognition of the importance and the fragility of mental health. It is also not a new phenomenon. Although the Bible doesn’t use the word depression there are various figures who are described as ‘downcast’, ‘broken-hearted’, ‘troubled’, ‘despairing’, ‘miserable’.

Jonah for example said he was ‘ angry enough to die ’ (Jonah 4:9), Elijah cried ‘I have had enough Lord, he said. Take my life’ (I Kings 19:4) , and Jeremiah lamented ‘Cursed be the day I was born…why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame? (Jer. 20:14) - to name a few. And of course David’s own honesty about his anguish in the Psalms has helped millions over the centuries. Even Jesus when facing the hour of his death admitted to his disciples, 'My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death’. (Mark 14:34) .

David’s approach was to praise the Lord at all times, for praise to continually be in his mouth (Psalm 34:1) and is true that shifting the focus of our attention away from ourselves and onto the majesty, power, mercy, compassion and love of God can help

The Apostle Paul also tells us to ‘ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you ’ (Thes.5:16-18). But even Paul had his moments of distress and depression recorded in his second letter to the church in Corinth where he writes that he ‘ despaired of life itself ’(1:8).

Perhaps the most important thing of all is to recognise is that faith is not about feelings. There may be times when our soul is downcast, when we feel alone and even that God has abandoned us, but this is not our reality.

Our feelings can fool us. But the reality is that he will never leave us. And he has plans to give us hope and a future.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

Photo by Heike Amthor on Unsplash

Sexy Saxons And Oaths To Our Lord

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 12:01:19 GMT

I must admit that while going through chemotherapy I have become a bit hooked on Netflix. On my bad days it provides a wonderful source of escapism. Most recently I have been watching the Netflix series called The Last Kingdom which is about King Alfred’s struggles against the Danes in the ninth century and his attempts to establish an Anglo Saxon England.

Much of the series is fictional of course – including the central figure of Uhtred Ragnersson played by the rather tasty Alexander Dreymon – but I found that this series prompted some unexpected reflections about faith.

Uhtred, who is a Saxon by birth and a Dane by upbringing, takes an oath to serve his Lord King, Alfred – a vow that changes the shape of his life, and requires considerable sacrifice. And this act of taking a vow to follow his Lord, led to reflect on what it really means to say that Jesus Christ is my Lord.

In today’s society, the only Lord that we are likely to encounter would be a members of the upper chamber whose influence on our lives are limited. Gone are the days when those who lived on a Lord’s land were vassals who could be commanded at any time to sacrifice hearth, home, family and lives in their service. And the taking of oaths to follow another is no longer a feature of our cultural landscape.

But the vows of Uhtred to follow a pious Lord King, who himself lived a life dominated by prayer and service, reminded me that I too as a Christian have taken oaths, to follow a Lord – my baptism vows.

I was christened in the Church of England and brought up in the Baptist church, but as a disillusioned young woman turned my back on God. As a result I was baptised and confirmed on the same day as an adult in the church of St Peter and St Paul in Olney, where I now minister as a lay preacher.

I am now very grateful that I had the opportunity to take these vows at an age when I could better appreciate the power of this commitment and the implications of these oaths.

These are the vows that I made on the day of my baptism and confirmation in the Church of England:

In baptism, God calls us out of darkness into his marvellous light.

To follow Christ means dying to sin and rising to new life with him.

Therefore I ask:

Do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God?

I reject them.

Do you renounce the deceit and corruption of evil?

I renounce them.

Do you repent of the sins that separate us from God and neighbour?

I repent of them.

Do you turn to Christ as Saviour?

I turn to Christ.

Do you submit to Christ as Lord?

I submit to Christ.

Do you come to Christ, the way, the truth and the life?

I come to Christ.

Those who are baptized are called to worship and serve God.

Will you continue in the apostles’ teaching and fellowship,

in the breaking of bread, and in the prayers?

With the help of God, I will.

Will you persevere in resisting evil,

and, whenever you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord?

With the help of God, I will.

Will you proclaim by word and example

the good news of God in Christ?

With the help of God, I will.

Will you seek and serve Christ in all people,

loving your neighbour as yourself?

With the help of God, I will.

Will you acknowledge Christ’s authority over human society,

by prayer for the world and its leaders,

by defending the weak, and by seeking peace and justice?

With the help of God, I will.

May Christ dwell in your heart(s) through faith,

that you may be rooted and grounded in love

and bring forth the fruit of the Spirit.

Amen. (1)

And now thanks to a fictional TV series, I now plan to revisit these vows on a regular basis and as part of my prayer life to ask my Jesus, how can I serve you Lord?

How about you? If you have also taken similar vows to these, what do they mean for you day to day?

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

Ephesians: Unveiling Our Mysterious Reality

Sat, 28 Aug 2021 12:56:15 GMT

I am conscious of the fact that I haven’t had a great deal of news to share with you since the launch of my latest book Soul's Scribe: Connecting Your Story with God's Narrative earlier this year.

The cancer diagnosis that followed hot on the heels of my book launch derailed many of my plans for this year, and getting through chemotherapy seems to have taken all of my energy. But I am now excited to let you know about some new developments.

ANOTHER CHANCE TO CATCH SEASON TWO OF MY TV SERIES

I’m absolutely delighted to let you know that the second series of my TV show Living a Transformed Life is being repeated on TBN (Freeview channel 65 and Sky Channel 582).

In this six-part series, I explore the Apostle Paul’s profoundly counter-cultural letter to the Ephesians which challenges how we think about ourselves and our reality, and looks at what its lessons mean for us today in the twenty-first century.

I have been so moved by some of the responses that I received to the show when it first aired. For example this lovely message:

Thank you so much for your ministry. Your teaching is very clear and a blessing to me. I shared it also with my 89 year old mom. I’m a Christian living in Connecticut in the USA. I will pray for you as I read you are going through cancer again. God bless you Kate.

And I feel so blessed that TBN have decided to repeat this series (filmed when I still had hair!)

Living a Transformed Life begins this Tuesday 31st at 11.30p.m - you can also catch the show on Thursdays at 3:05 p.m. or on online at https://katenicholas.co.uk/

YOU VERSION BIBLE COURSE

You can also explore St Paul’s letter to the Ephesians through my Bible study course on YouVersion app and website..

Discover the amazing truth of what it means to live both ‘in the world’ but also ‘in Christ’, and find out what this revelation means for you – here and now today.

Check out this free course and others at https://www.katenicholas.co.uk/youversion-courses

Thank you and God bless you

Her latest book, Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story With God’s Narrative, draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years’ of reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

DON’T RELY ON A DIET OF PRAYER AND CARROTS; VACCINES ARE A GIFT FROM GOD

Wed, 11 Aug 2021 16:08:07 GMT

Kate and her teenage daughter's impassioned plea to young people to take up the vaccine now being offered to 16 and 17 year olds.

I don't usually use my blog to link to guest spots that I do for different magazines and websites, but I really wanted to let you know about this joint blog that I have just written with my 17 year old for Premier's Woman Alive on an issue of critical importance to young people and the rest of society in these uncertain times.

Following the news that all 16- to 17-year-olds are to be offered a COVID vaccine, my daughter Emily has written an impassioned plea for other young people to take up the vaccine, while I have reflected on how much her willingness to overcome her nerves about needles to get the jab has meant to me and looked at some of the factors that may prevent other young people from taking up the vaccines themselves.

Please check out this blog at: https://www.womanalive.co.uk/stories/view?articleid=3494&fbclid=IwAR0gfPBuMaSVB-MkwVKGoQ5hP5lH7x...

Kate has gone on to share her message of hope through her TV series on premiere Christian TV channel TBN Living a Transformed Life , speaking events, online courses and Bible studies including Sea Changed: A Companion Guide for individuals and groups which helps people to see how God uses all the circumstances of their lives to transform them.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her latest healing journey through cancer.

Being Pruned - Physically and Spiritually

Thu, 29 Jul 2021 08:58:46 GMT

Reflections on breast cancer surgery and the divine secateurs!

Yesterday I met with my surgeon to discuss the next steps in my cancer treatment.

It now seems likely that I will be having a double mastectomy which will be split into two parts; the first operation being at the end of September, four weeks after my last chemotherapy treatment. (My surgeon is concerned about putting me through the larger bilateral operation right now given how weakened by body is by chemotherapy and the complications that I have experienced). The second operation is likely to be in 2022 along with potential surgery to deal with the second condition that has caused all the complications.

There’s also the potential for additional breast reconstruction surgery but, while I would never say never, right now I find it very hard to imagine putting my battered body through the additional 10+ hours required on the operating table. In fact, I told my husband I would prefer to ‘live flat’ and stick a pair of socks down my bra on special occasions!

A mastectomy, whether single or double, cuts into the very sense of a woman’s identity. I’ve never regarded myself as particularly feminine and my darling husband has reassured me that he really doesn’t care what they cut off me as he simply wants me to be alive. But as I contemplate the journey ahead I must admit I do feel a sense of loss.

I keep on telling myself that it isn’t as if I am losing an arm or a leg. The loss of one or both breasts isn’t going to disable me - but at the moment I still feel as if I am being pruned by God.

John Chapter 15 records Jesus telling the disciples that God ‘ cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful .’ (v 2).

It is very famous passage, but one that many Christians find hard to embrace – because let’s face it pruning is a fairly brutal business.

When I was a child, I remember my mother pruning the rose bushes in our garden at Larkland to the point where they looked stunted, decapitated and mutilated. In the winter, the mangled limbs that pierced the snow appeared almost dead, It seemed hard to imagine that one day they would burst again into glorious bloom, petal upon petal, their fragrance filling the air.

I have been thinking about this passage as try to get my head around the reality that many other women have had to face as part of their breast cancer journey. And there have been moments when I have felt daunted by the full enormity of what lies ahead. This process of pruning my body, the cutting away of cancerous flesh in order to ensure the continuation of life, seems overwhelming. And like all serious pruning, I know it is going to hurt.

But at the same time, I also feel as if I am being spiritually pruned. In my weaker moments, I confess to having asked why I have to go through cancer for second time. When against all odds I survived stage IV cancer, I remember getting down on my knees and consecrating myself to God in gratitude.

During that illness, I kept on being given a passage from Psalm 118 ‘ I will not die, but will live and declare the works of the Lord .’( v. 17) and I have since made this the mission of my life – as a preacher, writer, speaker and broadcaster. You can’t shut me up about the works of the Lord! And in my darker moments, I have asked him ‘Where did I go wrong? Didn’t I do enough? Am I being punished for something?’

But as this passage from John 15 makes clear, God doesn’t bother pruning branches that don’t bear fruit – that are no longer part of the vine. Jesus said: ‘I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.’ (john 15:5-6)

God doesn’t bother wielding his divine secateurs on those who are not of Him. And it is only those branches that have the potential to bear fruit who he takes the trouble to prune.

Pruning may hurt like hell but it isn’t a punishment, it is a sign of God’s love for us. In order for us to flourish, God has to cut away those parts of our lives that are spiritually dead - the dead flesh – otherwise rot will set in and spread to other parts of our lives like a cancer.

I am not yet sure what the result of this pruning – both physical and spiritual – will be. I am hopeful that will emerge as I travel on this journey. But I do know that God will use this time in some profound way to his purpose. Which is what makes it possible to not only bear but appreciate the process of being pruned.

Her books are widely available at Christian bookstores and online sites including eden.co.uk, Aslan Christian Books, Waterstones and Amazon worldwide.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her latest healing journey.

End of Freedom Day: A Plea On Behalf of the Clinically Most Vulnerable

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 15:33:16 GMT

Thank the Lord, my oncologist has agreed that we can continue chemotherapy, while actively managing my other condition. But I am now praying for all those who are clinically extremely vulnerable or immunosuppressed, for whom the 19th of July is the complete opposite of Freedom day.

As Covid spreads rapidly throughout the UK, and restrictions are relaxed, even the minor freedoms enjoyed by the most vulnerable will become an impossibility.

Government advice to people in this category stops short of advocating complete shielding (although the term is still used in the letter I received last week) but the official line on the government website is that we should not come into contact with anyone who has not had the double vaccine - still a significant a third of the population and how do tell them apart on a bus or train?

It is also recommended that we limit our social contact beyond family, avoid large groups of people (so attending church is still a no go). If possible we are also to continue working from home and, while the government website stops short of saying not to go to shops, my letter did suggest that I may be safer shopping online.

I have heard people argue that the rest of the population cannot be held hostage by the 3.5 million clinically extremely vulnerable and immunosuppressed. We are the inconvenient truth that everyone who is eager to get back to normality would prefer to forget (even Boris in last week's press conference failed to outline what Freedom Day means for this group).

I can’t speak for everyone who categorizes as clinically extremely vulnerable, but after a lengthy discussion with Macmillan's support team, what I now understand is that, even if double vaccinated, those undergoing active chemotherapy and others with certain blood cancers are likely to have significantly reduced immunity to Covid. For some, that means that the lack of freedom will continue as long as Covid continues to circulate in society.

As a result, the irresponsible actions of this government could mean years of continued isolation for a proportion of society. And even for those who will eventually finish chemotherapy, like myself, it is still unclear whether a booster vaccine will provide sufficient protection to form a route out of ‘ shielding’.

So as the relaxation of restrictions spell the ends of freedom for 3.5 million people, my plea to all those who have railed against the wearing of masks and vaccines as infringements of their civil liberties to get things in perspective. And recognize that if they choose to act with abandon now that they are literally stripping the vulnerable of far greater civil liberties such as the basic requirements of life - such as human contact and going shopping for food - for the foreseeable future as Covid becomes endemic.

My prayer is that everyone will take up the vaccine, continue to wear masks in crowded indoor places such as shops and on public transport and respect social distance to protect others as well as themselves.

Please be careful, this pandemic is far from over and what some see as infringements are recommended to protect you and those you love and as well as the most vulnerable. And remember Jesus's words in Matthew 25:40, ‘Truly I tell you whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine you did for me.'

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir S ea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her latest healing journey and her reflections on faith and cancer.

The Trust Fall: When You No Longer Know What to Pray For

Fri, 16 Jul 2021 15:04:55 GMT

Did you ever play a game at school called the Trust Fall? It’s a playground game in which a child stands within a ring of children and is encouraged to allow themselves to fall backwards, thereby testing their belief in whether they will be caught or not.

This game, which is now sometimes used as part of corporate team building, was really big when I was in middle school and I remember on more than one occasion finding out that my trust was misplaced as I toppled backwards unsupported onto the concrete playground floor. But on other occasions though I felt the arms of friendship catch me and guide me gently to the ground. I think the main lesson I learnt from the whole exercise was be careful who you trust! I was reminded of this childhood game today as I prayed.

The last couple of months have not been the easiest in my life. After each chemotherapy cycle I have ended up in the Accident & Emergency Department at my local hospital and twice been admitted for quite lengthy stays and painful procedures. With each cycle I have become progressively weaker with any apparent explanation for why I keep on experiencing such complications – until now.

Last week I finally got to speak to a consultant who has now identified a serious underlying condition which predates chemotherapy, which landed me in hospital two months before I was even aware of the cancer.

What is not clear yet is the cause of this condition and my oncologist is now trying to decide whether it is safe to continue my chemotherapy treatment, or whether to move to surgery and investigation of this other problem (a move I am not keen on given that I already know that I have an aggressive breast cancer). The picture is very complicated indeed and this morning I no longer have any idea what on earth to pray for. There are no obvious solutions and I don’t understand enough medically to be able to pray for anything specific.

When words fail

Instead this morning I find that words fail me. And instead I turn to Encounter Prayer. I have written about this form of prayer, which I was introduced to by the Christian Healing Mission, in a previous blog. Basically, Encounter Prayer is about resting in God’s presence and asking yourself where Jesus is for you now. For some the sense of presence can be quite a physical, for others visual or some just others just a sense of peace – but the experience can be very powerful.

This morning, in the stillness, I felt a profound sense that Jesus was standing behind me. And in his presence, I gave myself to God, handing over the mess of what is going on in my body over to him, comforted by the thought that he knows what is best for my life – whether this latest problem is serious enough to stop chemo, whether I will come through this dual health challenge.

I found myself saying ‘Lord, I just don’t know, but I also know that I don’t need to know. I am just going to hand all this over to you. You know what is best in a way that I never can, so I place my whole life in your hands and today my prayer is “Thy Will be Done”’

And I prayed this it was as if he was saying ‘trust in me’, his arms held out to catch me as in the Trust Fall game. And from my seated position, like a child in the playground, I allowed myself to fall back into his loving embrace (and a pile of cushions). It was a wonderful feeling of letting go, release and rest.

Sometimes we reach a place in life when things are so complicated we no longer know what to pray for. We struggle to know what supplications to make God on our own behalf, or on behalf of others – this is particularly true when it comes to healing.

Certainly my own situation is far too complex for me to fully understand - I am not a doctor. But what I realised today I don’t need to be – I don’t need to understand every medical nuance and to be able to pray for specific outcomes or procedures.

This isn’t a renunciation of responsibility. I certainly make sure that I know enough to ask all the right questions when I go to meet with medics, but what I don’t need to have is all the answers.

When we pray, we are reaching out to one who created every particle, atom, cell and organ in my bodies.

‘For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139: 13-16)

It was His extraordinary imagination that developed life in all its complexity. He knows the answer – and this is something I can trust in.

Former Chief of Staff of Humana Medical City Dallas, Larry Dossey M.D has undertaken an extensive survey of laboratory research into the effectiveness of healing prayer carried out around the world. The results of these experiments, on everything from cancer tumours to bacteria, are published in his fascinating book Healing Words: The Power of Prayer and the Practice of Medicine . The findings are extraordinary and challenge not only conventional ideas about Western medicine but also the dominant approach to healing prayer. What Dossey found what that non-directive ‘Thy Will be Done’ prayers – or simply adopting an attitude of prayerfulness - seems to be just as effective - or even more effective – than the kind of directive prayers for specific outcomes that we are more familiar with. Trust it seems lies at the core of healing.

Perhaps when faced with the complexity of our own bodies, and medical diagnoses, perhaps we need to just be willing to let go of the need to be in control and to trust God to catch us and to do what is best for us.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her healing journey

Photo with permission of istock

Why Do the Wicked Prosper? Reflections on faith, cancer and my misspent youth

Thu, 08 Jul 2021 19:31:19 GMT

When your body is failing, it is perhaps only natural to look back with rather rose tinted spectacles on earlier times in your life when health was something that you simply took for granted. And over the past couple of days, I have been taking a trip down memory lane to my twenties when I lived in London with my best friend from university.

I confess that I wasn’t exactly being a health addict at that stage in my life. For a while I had a ‘thing’ with the leader singer of an up and coming indie rock band and would go on most nights to watch them play at the likes of the Marquee and the Rock Garden. They weren’t first league but supported some major bands and we afterwards we would hang out in the ‘star bars’ of the Hippodrome and the Marquee with the likes of Ian Astbury of the Cult, Bret Michaels of Poison, Martin Degville of Sigue Sigue Sputnik and his then girlfriend Janet Street Porter. It was all great fun.

Even after it all fizzled out, my flatmate and I remained on the guest list of all the major clubs for a year, until the band moved to the US where they were modestly successful touring with Mötley Crüe before they disappeared out of sight.

It was this tenuous connection to Mötley Crüe that spurred me to watch band biopic Dirt on Netflix last night. And as I watched the band members drink mind-numbing quantities of alcohol, take just about every drug know to mankind and generally trash their bodies, I couldn’t help wonder how on earth they were still alive and kicking when so many good people, living apparently healthy lifestyles, had succumbed to cancer?

Now I must make clear at this point that my ‘rock and roll experience’ never approached even an iota of the excesses of Mötley Crüe. My experience of the London rock scene was more ‘pint of lager and a packet of crisps’ than the ‘sex, drugs and rock and roll life’ and since my 30s I have been more a ‘kale, quinoa and alcohol-free beer’ type of girl. It may well be that I am facing cancer once again partly because of my mildly misspent youth, but I also know so many others have led really moderate lives and still had cancer.

Which brings me to a question that dominates much of the Old Testament - why do the righteous suffer and the ‘wicked’ apparently prosper? Job, a particularly poignant example of the suffering righteous man, puts it like this:

Why do the wicked live on,
growing old and increasing in power? (21: 7)

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think Mötley Crüe are actually ‘wicked’. Yes, there were dreadful excesses, including rumours of Satanic parties but they were hardly alone. And a decade spent editing PRWeek magazine in the 1990s, taught me that this stuff is absolute gold dust to music PRs.

It would also be wrong assume that there was no suffering in the mix. Nikki Sixx ended up on the streets as a kid because of a troubled childhood, Mick Mars suffered from a degenerative bone disease which gradually crippled him, Vince Neil tragically lost his daughter to cancer and I am sure Tommy Lee’s life wasn’t all a bed of roses either. Real life isn’t black and white.

However, somehow they are still standing while those who have lived apparently more sober lives are suffering from the ravages of cancer. If you were one of those people it would be easy to feel resentful and envious, and the Psalms are full of calls for God to wreak his vengeance on the ‘wicked. But I’ve always found these calls rather disturbing; they seem petty and unworthy of us.

The reality is that no one is truly 'wicked'. Within every one of us a battle is taking place between our baser human instincts and the person that God wants us to be. And, while I’m not making excuses for people, the reality is that - whether through up bringing or life circumstances - some are better equipped to fight that battle than others. It is a lot easier to be good if you’ve been loved and cared for than if you are a recipient of, and surrounded, by darkness.

And as Jesus was at pains to point out, he didn’t actually come to earth for the ;good' but for those supposedly ‘wicked’ sinners! He is the shepherd who cannot bear to lose even one of his sheep; who will go to extraordinary lengths to find and redeem even the single disobedient ‘wicked’ ruminant who strays from the flock – with an extraordinary and non-judgemental love.

Still this doesn’t seem to explain why so many of the ‘righteous’ still suffer (or why people who haven’t spent a lifetime pickling themselves with booze end up with cancer!). The reality is that we aren’t going to know all the answers here on earth. Lets face it, if we could understand God he would not be God. But whenever we are tempted to feel sorry for ourselves or envious, it is important to remember that our God is not one who stands aloof from us raining down arbitrary judgement.

Rather, in Jesus we have the ultimate righteous man, who has suffered more than we can ever imagine, but is also God who understands and meets us in our suffering – something I have been so blessed to experience.

And yes I still love indie rock and heavy metal.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed ( shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her journey

'Be-wildered': A Journey Through the Wilderness

Tue, 29 Jun 2021 17:33:34 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

When I was diagnosed with cancer for a second time in March this year, I made the conscious choice to treat whatever lay ahead as a journey of discovery; a pilgrimage of sorts as a sought to understand where God was in this time of trial.

However as time has progressed, I have come to realise that the analogy of a pilgrimage is not necessarily a helpful one. When you embark on a pilgrimage you do so with an end destination in mind, and in general you follow well-trodden paths, established over hundreds of years. As a pilgrim you are alert and open to what God is showing you en route and you may at times be delayed by meaningful encounters with others, but armed with maps you are travelling with a sense of direction. By contrast, the journey that I now find myself upon seems to have more in common with the wilderness experiences of the Israelites and early Desert Fathers.

The problem is that I am struggling to find a roadmap for my journey. At the outset I decided to establish the kind of ‘rule of life’ so beloved by the Celtic Christians; a pattern of prayer for each day which provides a ‘trellis’ or framework for all other experiences. I decided that I would begin each day listening to Nicky Gumbel’s Bible in One Year followed by prayer. After lunch I would meditate on healing scriptures and I would end my day with a Celtic Compline.

That was the plan – then I started chemotherapy and discovered that on some days I could hardly concentrate to read and on my really bad days I simply lay in bed drifting. Life had become very unpredictable and my routine was also interrupted by frequent visits to A&E and hospital stays. Being a bit of a control freak, I still tried to cling to my prayerful plan but have had to face the fact that, by definition, there are no roadmaps for the wilderness.

The wilderness is not a comfortable place to be. When we think about wilderness retreats we tend to think of taking time out somewhere beautiful and restful – but this was not the reality that the Israelites (or Jesus) faced. They found that the wilderness a very hard place to be - physically and mentally.

My time spent travelling through the Australian outback brought home to me that, barren and dry, the wilderness is a dangerous place that constantly threatens to sap life. In fact despite their miraculous escape, the Israelites often wished that they were back in Egypt, even if this meant that they would once again be enslaved. In the same way, I have often found myself wishing that I could turn back the clock to before I received that fateful call from the breast care unit. I pine after the days just before this latest cancer diagnoses, when I was appeared to be fit, healthy and very active – I was out on the water most days stand up paddle boarding with my husband (a shared passion).

Yet it was in the harsh wilderness of the Sinai Desert, that the Israelites learnt valuable lessons from God that enabled them to eventually enter the promised land. And it was in this inhospitable land that God gave the Israelites the ten commandments, the rules for living under His Lordship – which have shaped human concepts of social justice for thousands of years.

Driven into the wilderness

The Israelites didn’t choose to enter the wilderness, any more than I chose to get cancer once again. The reality is that you do not go into the true wilderness by choice.

The Israelites were propelled into the wilderness by God as they fled the Egyptians, and were condemned to stay there for forty years by their disobedience; forced to stay in the wilderness until they had learnt God’s lessons.

Likewise Jesus did not chose to go into the wilderness. We are told that in Mark 1:12 that immediately after his Baptism and his anointing by the Holy Spirt which was accompanied by his father’s affirmation ‘This is my son with whom I am well-pleased . . . . At once the spirit drove him into the wilderness.’ Jesus did not chose to go into the wilderness, the Spirit drove him there (the Greek ekballei used her for ‘drove’ , and means a compelling, aggressive pressure).

However, Jesus was not driven into the wilderness by God because he was displeased with him. It was not a punishment but rather a rite of passage. It was necessary for Jesus to spend this time in the wilderness, fasting and facing temptation in order to prepare him for his ministry. Likewise John the Baptist prepared the way for the coming of Jesus by living in the desert, and after this conversion Paul the Apostle spent three years in the desert of Arabia before embarking on the great evangelistic journeys that would change the world.

I must admit that it feels as if I too have been driven in the wilderness against my will. I did not choose to be here and frankly feel rather ‘bewildered’ by what God is doing in my life right now.

But I also realise that I need to accept this journey for what it is; to allow myself to be led by the Holy Spirit and to be open to all that God wants to teach me on the way.

Her books are widely available at Christian bookstores and online sites including eden.co.uk, Aslan Christian Books, Waterstones and Amazon worldwide.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her latest cancer journey

Image by lum-box from Pixabay

A Glimpse of the Kingdom

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 14:00:49 GMT

The extraordinary compassion of NHS staff in our upside down society

Well, I am home again after another stay in hospital with yet more chemotherapy complications- resurrected courtesy of our amazing NHS.

I won’t go into why I ended up in hospital because I really don’t want to scare anyone about to embark on chemotherapy. My experience seems to have been particularly harsh (ironically I am finding this a lot harder than when I was treated for stage IV cancer seven years ago) but that does not mean that this will be everybody’s experience.

Chemo certainly isn’t a barrel of laughs, but it is perfectly possible to get through the treatment as a fully functioning human being. That just doesn’t seem to be the type of journey that I’ve been called to go on this time.

I must admit that when I was admitted to Ward 1 in Milton Keynes University Hospital late on Sunday night, I did find myself wondering why this journey has to be quite so hard. I know that ‘in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose’ (Rom 8:28) but on that first night I found it hard to grasp exactly what purpose was being served by this latest health calamity.

Caring and Compassion

Trying to sleep on an acute ward is rather like trying to take a nap in the middle of Piccadilly Circus in rush hour. Seriously ill people are admitted throughout the night – many scared and confused; a slight girl in her early 20s with a collapsed lung, a middle aged woman pulled back from the brink of an overdose, an elderly woman struggling to breath and vomiting up blood. The air is filled with bewilderment and pain. One woman cries out ‘help me’ every couple of minutes from 2.00 a.m. until she is finally moved to a specialist respiratory ward the following day. Sleep is not really an option.

There are moments of dark humour. A lady who is obviously suffering from dementia spots my bald head and begins to scream to the nurses that there is a man in the bay and to get me out of there. I try to assure her that I am woman, but to no avail!

The context is challenging to say the very least but each and every person who is admitted to the ward is treated with the most extraordinary kindness and caring. Every cry for help – no matter how often it is repeated – is responded to with almost preternatural patience by the staff who appear at bedsides like ministering angels.

Every interaction is respectful, considerate even loving - as these amazing people care for, heal, feed, clean and comfort their – not always grateful – charges. From staff nurses to domestic staff, healthcare assistants to ward housekeepers, porters to ward clerks; I never once saw a glimmer of impatience or frustration even at the end of a 12 hours shift. Rather I witnessed extraordinary resilience, selflessness and compassion - the compassion of Christ.

The Hollow Hand Clap

There was however great sadness when the staff spoke about the impact of the pandemic. After five days, I was moved to Ward 2 which was apparently the first ward to be deployed for Covid cases at this hospital. A healthcare assistant described the terrifyingly chaos of the first wave of patients at the beginning of last year, and talked of colleagues and patients lost to this terrible disease. She admitted that she has been very afraid, but felt driven to carry on caring even after she herself had almost died from severe Covid.

I asked about how she felt about national hand clap for NHS, and, although she didn’t say so, I sensed that the claps had rung rather hollow after the first couple of weeks, particularly in the context of the subsequent pay deal. She didn’t sound angry – just sad.

For a short period of time, the extraordinary selflessness of NHS staff rose up in the public consciousness and they were accorded the status of heroes. But the world is already moving on and the public now seem more worried about whether they will be able to go on a foreign holiday this year. Meanwhile, these incredible people continue to care for us day in, day out – and night in, night out – when we are at our most vulnerable with a seemingly inexhaustible compassion. And as I watched their labours of love, I began to understand a little better the purpose of me being here.

I could not do what they do, I know I don’t have it within me, but what I can do is to write about them. I have likened this blog to a travel journal; a record of the landscapes that I pass through and the lessons that God is teaching me. So far many of my observations have been about my inner landscape, partly because going through chemotherapy in the context of Covid is inevitably a rather isolating experience. But in this context, I realised that God has been encouraging to me lift my head, to look around and to pay closer attention to those around me.

And in these hospital wards, I realise I have been granted a glimpse of His Kingdom; a diverse community of caring, selfless people, relentlessly putting others’ needs before their own and doing so with such kindness, compassion and even love. A community of people who, in our upside down society, are some of the least materially recognised; while corporate CEOs peddling fast food and superfluous consumer goods receive mind boggling pay cheques and celebrities bask in untold recognition.

It seems so grossly unfair, and I strongly believe that justice demands a proper pay rise for all NHS staff right now. But the Bible also tell us that the the upside down values of our world will be corrected in God's Kingdom. As Jesus said, in his Kingdom ‘the first will be last and the last will be first’ (Matt 20:16). All those who have scrabbled so hard to secure the best seats at the top table will be asked to give up their seats to those who deserve it most in society.

And when that day comes, it will be those who have cared, healed, fed, cleaned and comforted when we needed them who will be seated alongside our Lord in the places of honour.

Kate Nicholas is a Christian author, broadcaster and preacher. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Her latest book, Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story With God’s Narrative , draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Catch up on Kate's journey to date and subscribe to follow her progress at Kate’s blog

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Another night on the acute ward of amazing grace

Tue, 08 Jun 2021 16:18:35 GMT

Boy this is a roller coaster. Another night on the acute ward with chemotherapy complications. There’s a steady flow of patients coming in from A&E and in the early hours the air is filled with bewilderment.

3.40 am. An elderly woman tries to take off ventilator setting off alarms and a lady opposite who starts crying that she wants to get out of here. Seeing my bald head rise blearily off the pillow she thinks I am a man called John and protests loudly about my presence.

Its a bit like trying to sleep in Picadilly Circus during rush hour. A gentle nurse with a laugh like liquid honey tries to say sorry. I tell her never to apologise.

Another nurse tries to clean the woman next to me who is rolling in her own filth. The woman shrieks ‘What are you doing to my body? Leave me alone’. The responding voice comes back with almost preternatural gentleness and, what I can only describe as, love as she patiently calms the storm, reaching out, cleaning and caring her protesting patient.

I imagined that if I had drawn back the blue medical curtain I would glimpse Jesus standing there elbow deep in her muck. Jesus who so readily touched the untouchable.

I am truly in awe of the true compassion in this place. The compassion of Christ. Not a distant sympathy delivered from some lofty height but mercy in all its messiness delivered by these wonderful people.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author and broadcaster. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer.

Her books including the recently released Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story with God’s Narrative are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk , kooroong.com , Amazon worldwide.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her journey

'Why am I smiling?' Part 2

Fri, 04 Jun 2021 15:12:27 GMT

My healing journey - some good news from the road

This is a brief post and I am still cautious as my oncologist has not yet received the full report or discussed this with me, but I feel I must acknowledge God's goodness and praise him.

Before today's chemotherapy, I had a scan to assess how well the treatment was working. The expectation was that the first three cycles would only stop the growth of this aggressive cancer, and the next four doses of a different chemo drug combined with two bio-targeted treatments would begin to shrink the tumours.

But to my amazement, after only two cycles, the radiologist who scanned me said that while she could see metal clips inserted in the three tumours as locators prior to the beginning of the treatment, she (and I quote) ‘couldn’t see the lesions’!

I nearly jumped for joy and shouted out Thank you Lord! - much to the her amusement. (She actually scanned me three times just to make sure!)

Obviously this is only reveals what is visible to the naked eye which is why I am back at Milton Keynes Cancer Centre today having the third cycle of chemo. And there's still a long road ahead - but I now know without doubt that He is on the case.

Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.' (Psalm 103:1-5)

Her latest book, Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story With God’s Narrative , draws on scripture, philosophy, psychology and over 20 years reflection as a Christian communicator to take you on a journey through the various chapters of your soul story, providing you with the tools to share that story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her journey

'Why are you smiling?'

Tue, 01 Jun 2021 11:56:38 GMT

A reason for hope in the face of cancer

The other day I bumped into an acquaintance who I hadn’t seen for a while. We exchanged the usual very British exchanges, and then I told her that I once again had cancer. She looked upset and slightly puzzled and asked ‘Then why are you smiling?’

Her question has since prompted a lot of thought. At the time, I was slightly flummoxed and just said ‘because it is such a beautiful day.’ But of course the reasons go far deeper.

She isn’t the first person to comment on my positive demeanour. Some people no doubt think that I am a Pollyanna, in denial about the seriousness of my situation, but I can assure you that having been through stage IV cancer previously, I am very well aware of the implications of a cancer diagnosis. And as those of you who have been following by blog are aware, my chemotherapy treatment has been no picnic!

The only reason that I can give for my ‘sunny’ outlook is simply – faith.

‘Faith’ is a word that Christians tend to sprinkle about fairly liberally but what do we actually mean by it? I think that the most profound explanation is offered by the Apostle Paul when he says ‘Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1).

At the beginning of this journey, I was given a passage from the book of Jeremiah, ‘“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”’ (29:11) It is a passage that I’m clinging onto on this journey, but hope it’s not enough.

Hope it’s a wonderful thing, but hope alone requires evidence of fulfilment. Faith, on the other hand, is the belief and confidence that our hopes will be fulfilled even when we are not sure of the when and the how.

We are called to walk ‘by faith not by sight’ (2 Cor. 5:7); to trust in God even when the evidence of that hope is not yet available; To trust that he has the situation in hand, that he will do what is best for us – even if that may not be exactly what we would have anticipated or expected.

As humans, we live in linear or chronological time and, as such, our view is limited; we are not able to see over the horizon of the next day. But God exists outside of time and space and he sees the entirely of our lives.

For him all the events of our lives are woven together like threads in a beautiful tapestry. Pain is woven with together joy, mourning with celebration, fear with hope.

Like a weaver at a loom we can only see the parts of the tapestry already complete. Only can see how the different colours will combine together to create the full picture. ‘He is the God who calls into existence those things that do not yet exist.’ (Rom. 4:7)

So why am I smiling? Because I trust God the Divine Weaver and, for today, that is enough.

And my prayer is that next time I am asked why I am smiling that I will be more ‘prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have have.’ (1 Peter 3:15)

Her books including the recently released Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story with God’s Narrative are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk, kooroong.com, Amazon worldwide.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her journey

My Special Prayer Space

Thu, 27 May 2021 12:00:21 GMT

After ending up in hospital with sepsis after my first chemotherapy treatment, the dosage has mercifully been reduced. And on day 11 of the second cycle, I managed to get out of the house and walk up to my very special prayer space which I want to share with you.

This folly was built high up in the fields above the village of Weston Underwood in Northern Buckinghamshire by the Throckmorton family in 1753. And became the haunt of the poet William Cowper who lived in the village in the later 18th century. Cowper, author of the 'The Task' is best know for co-authoring the world famous Olney Hymns which local curate John Newton, whose immortal anthem of hope Amazing Grace continues to be sung around the world.

Over the past twenty years, I have walked here nearly every morning and spent time in prayer looking out a landscape that has changed little since the 18th century. It is here surrounded by God's creation that I often feel closest to him.

Do you have a special place that you go to pray? I would love to hear about it.

Her books are widely available at Christian bookstores and online sites including eden.co.uk, Aslan Christian Books, Waterstones and Amazon worldwide.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow Kate's latest journey through cancer.

Significant encounters on this journey through cancer and healing

Wed, 19 May 2021 10:56:05 GMT

I apologise that these ‘travel’ reflections on my journey through cancer are likely to be somewhat sporadic based upon my levels of energy and coherence – but today I feel called to share what God has been laying on my heart.

Those of you who read my last blog will be aware that my chemotherapy treatment got off to a rather rocky start, culminating in my admission to hospital with zero immune system and sepsis.

Thanks to the ministering angels at Milton Keynes University Hospital, after five days in isolation, my infection was brought under control and my white cell count returned to a more normal level. And mercifully, at the end of last week, I was judged fit enough to have a second reduced cycle of the chemotherapy required to stop this cancer in its tracks.

To say that I feel grateful feels woefully inadequate. I am so profoundly thankful for the amazing care of the NHS staff - I am truly in awe of their professionalism, caring and sheer resilience. And I am so grateful for the prayers of family and friends near and far.

I can’t imagine how it must feel to go through a challenge such as this without the ability to bring your situation to God in prayer. The sheer idea of facing this battle alone is just so overwhelming and exhausting; and ultimately a recipe for fear and anxiety - the dark nights of the soul that creep upon us in the midnight hours.

The reality is that anyone on this journey will sometimes be alone. Even with supportive family, friends and medical staff, there are going to be moments when we are left with our own thoughts. But at these times, ‘the Lord is near to all who call on him (Psalm 145:18) - not an abstract concept but the person of Jesus who has, himself, been through every type of suffering imaginable; betrayal, rejection, fear, despair, terrible pain and death.

In fact, perhaps the most extraordinary fact of Christianity is that, in Jesus, we have a God who has actually experienced, and comes to meet us, in our suffering. He is there beside us in the darkness.

On my own healing journey, perhaps the most powerful experiences I have had of his presence has been through a form of ‘encounter prayer’ developed by the Christian Healing Mission (CHM).

The idea of encounter prayer is deceptively simple – it is about resting Jesus’s promise that he ‘will be with us always’. (Matt 28:20) and asking ourselves where is Jesus for us right now - but the experience can be incredibly powerful. For some the sense of presence can be quite a physical, for others visual or some just others just a sense of peace.

I first experienced such an encounter, six years ago after my first cancer diagnosis. I confess that I approached the encounter few expectations. As an ex journalist I had all sceptical filters well and truly intact and the few times I had tried ‘visualisation’ in the past I had only seen the inside of my eyelids. But this time, as I relaxed into the experience, a face began to emerge in my mind’s eye.

It was not a particularly attractive face; ruddy and brown framed by unruly dark hair and an untamed beard, with dense low eyebrows, a large stub nose, and thick lips – bearing no resemblance to the Victorian images of Christ that I had grown up with. It was actually a little unnerving.

But the true significance of this encounter was only revealed to me a couple of years later, when I came across an article in a National Geographic magazine about an anthropologist who had reconstructed what is believed to be the real face of Christ. As I turned the page I nearly dropped the magazine in shock, as there staring out at me from the pages was the same face that I had encountered in prayer. It shook my cynicism. And so on this new journey, I am once again actively seeking this encounter.

It isn’t always easy. I know that Christ is with me, that his Spirit accompanies me, but I cannot always see him clearly. But when I need him most he comes to me.

When I was laid low by the first round of chemotherapy, I reached out for him – and he was there. In my mind’s eye, he pulled me to my feet and walked with me along the shorelines of my memory until we came to an estuary. As the sand sloped downwards, he urged me forward until I was out of my depths, the waves beginning to rise over my head.

But as I began to sink, his hand reached down to me and drew me up through the waters, until beside him on a high rock, looking out over an endless horizon; conscious that I had been given a not only refuge but the opportunity to see my situation from a different perspective – His.

t is easy to dismiss such experiences as wishful thinking, or the product of a fevered mind, but true encounter seem to say with us and to be reinforced other ways. This image, for example, keeps coming to me through scripture (e.g. Psalms 27:5; 61:2) and in particular these vivid words from Psalm 40:

‘I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.’ (v1-2).

And it is this that convinces me that encounters such as these are so much more than just the fevered imaginings of the mind. And for that I am so profoundly grateful.

If you are interested in learning more about or experiencing Encounter Prayer I really encourage you to visit https://www.encounterprayer.net where you can access various resources including encounter prayer guided meditations in a variety of languages or even join an Encounter Prayer group.

Her books are widely available at Christian bookstores and online sites including eden.co.uk, Aslan Christian Books, Waterstones and Amazon worldwide.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her journey

Photo by Krys Amon on Unsplash

Into the depths: a different kind of strength

Fri, 07 May 2021 15:44:44 GMT

When I started on this journey through cancer, I thought I knew what it meant to draw on God's strength. People often talk about ‘battling cancer’ and in the earliest days, I envisaged myself putting on the armour of God and standing my ground ‘strong in the Lord and his mighty power’ (Ephesians 6:10). I vowed that I would stay positive, and not give into self-pity or despair.

To help myself do this, I planned a spiritual itinerary for my journey; a framework of prayer and Bible study to help maintain my focus on Christ rather than the storm that raged around and within me. But then everything changed.

I went for my first chemotherapy treatment on 23rd April. In the morning I dressed myself for battle, put on full make-up and my favourite cross and set off on the first stage of my journey. On that beautiful spring day, I sat by a window watching the birds wheel high above in an wide azure sky as chemicals poured into my blood stream. I could taste metal, and my arm ached from the repeated failed attempts to access my veins. But I remember thinking, I can manage this, I can win this battle Now such ‘fighting talk’ seems naive.

At first I tried to maintain a sense of normality. I was surprised by how badly the chemotherapy affected me. This wasn’t the first time that I had been down this road, and I thought I knew what to expect – but our memories play tricks on us (we never fully remember the pain of giving birth, probably because if we did we would never have another child). But as the days went by I became progressively weaker, my mouth and throat blistered so that I was unable to eat, and my strength seemed to be leaching out of me until I was unable to lift my battered body off the bed.

To begin with, I forced myself to at least sit up each day and pray the wonderful Irish prayer of St Patrick’s breastplate:

‘I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the Threeness,
Through confession of the Oneness
of the Creator of creation.’

I determined to keep to my spiritual schedule and lay in bed reading healing scriptures with gritty determination. When even this became too much for me, I lay listening to scripture and worship music. I was like a traveller on a train, who instead of looking at the scenery puts on headphones and buries their head in a book rather than paying attention to the rhythm of the journey and what is unfolding outside the window. But eventually, I found I couldn’t even cope with the sound of music – it hurt to even think. And as the infection gained control, I finally lost contact with all sense of normality.

I was adrift in deep waters.

Exhausted by the sheer effort of keeping myself afloat.

My strength having ebbed away on the tide, I began to sink

down through the aquamarine depths;

away from the light playing across the surface of the waters.

I no longer had the strength to struggle.

He says ‘let go’ . . .. and I fall softly

descending through the darkness.

Limbs gently settle on the ocean floor.

The weight of water crushing down until . . . .

sweet oblivion.

And there in the silence I wait

And in the liminal darkness, something new begins.

. . . another sea change?

A glimmer of something deep down inside.

I dream of Jesus.

He comes and lifts my broken body into his arms,

Carrying my pale lifeless form like an offering to the pyre

And he ignites a flame

That begins to burn within me

Until I begin my ascent back up towards the light.

This journey is going to need a different kind of strength than I first imagined.

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author and broadcaster. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her previous journey of healing from advanced cancer.

Subscribe to Kate’s blog to follow her latest journey

Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash r

Full of Chemicals and Hope

Fri, 23 Apr 2021 14:02:01 GMT

The journey begins

And so the journey begins.

This is not a journey that I ever wanted to undertake again. I am driven by an explorer’s instinct, the need to always be searching out new lands and new experiences, rarely feeling the need to revisit places that I have already been, except in my memories. But it seems that there is a land that I must return to.

The last time I visited this land was six years ago when I was diagnosed with advanced inoperable breast cancer. What followed was a journey that transformed my body and soul. God miraculously ‘rescued my life from destruction’ (Ps. 103 v4), restored me and set me off on a new path - and I have never looked back except in gratitude and wonder.

At times I have almost felt a nostalgia for how closely God walked with me during my last cancer journey, but it is not a land I ever wanted to revisit. But here I am again – with chemicals and hope flowing through my body.

Today it seems that the world – or at least the UK – is opening again. The sun is warming, birds are chorusing and colour is returning to the land as flowers and people begin to blossom again. But while the rest of the world awakes, shakes off the dust of winter, and greets the day, mine is shutting down again. The chemicals that will safeguard my life, could also take it, and with a compromised immune system I am limited to the most basic of social interactions. I feel a distinct sense of déjà vu, which takes me back, not only to 2014 but also, to spring of 2020; when in fear of the ravaging virus we were forced to ‘be still and know that he is God’.(Psalm 46:10).

For the past few months I have been eagerly awaiting the time when I could travel again. During lockdown I kept my spirits up by planning research trips for my next book Seeking Amazing Grace: Following in the Footsteps of John Newton. My plans had already been delayed by twelve months due to Covid but now I am not sure when I will be able to travel physically again.

I could not have chosen a worse time to write what is essentially a spiritual travel book. But I am a traveller at heart, and I revel in exploring God’s earth and the great diversity of his creation and children. It may seem paradoxical but it is when I am in motion that I am best able to find that stillness necessary to really know Him. It the potent combination of the distance from the distractions of the everyday, the necessity of paring down your existence until it fits into backpack or bag, and the meditational rhythm of wheels on road or track that seem to enable me to see Him more clearly. So I have been eagerly anticipating this trip, treading in the footsteps of the man who so powerfully experienced God’s Amazing Grace. But it is not to be.

Instead today as I begin my cancer treatment, I embark on an inner journey. It is not an adventure that I would have chosen, but it is an adventure after all - a venture into the unknown. Like all true travellers I now sail uncharted waters and I don’t know the exact route that will be taken. I have an idea of the destination, the region that I am heading for, but the details will reveal themselves as I move forwards day by day.

The Celtic Christians consider all life as journey or pilgrimage. Many followed God’s command to Abraham in Gen 12:1 to physically leave their own place and to journey to a land that God would show them. My father would always tell me that I was ‘such a Celt’ referring to my Welsh and Irish heritage and I like to think it explains something of my spiritual wanderlust. But the real journey that was so important to the Celtic Christians was the inner one; a journey towards a true understanding of the self that dwells ‘in Christ’ and the Christ that ‘dwells in us’.

So in, imitation of my Celtic forefathers I now embark on this inner journey. And like any traveller worth their salt, I am keeping a travel journal, recording the landscapes that I pass through as well as the significant encounters with others and with God. As I travel I will share some of my observations here from time to time, and who knows in due course this may become another book. But wherever this journey leads me, I shall ‘take joy on the journey and the knowledge that I am being Sea Changed’.

To follow my journey subscribe to my blog at http://eepurl.com/dty7J1

Kate Nicholas is a preacher, Christian author and broadcaster. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is an account of her unconventional journey of faith and previous healing from advanced cancer. Her books including the recently released Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story with God’s Narrative are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk, kooroong.com, Amazon worldwide. You can find out more about Kate’s cancer journey, books and TV show at www.katenicholas.co.uk .

From Hosannas to Hatred

Sun, 28 Mar 2021 16:02:50 GMT

A reflection for Palm Sunday

This morning churches all over the world remembered Jesus’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday; when the enthusiastic crowd laid palms in the path of Jesus and shouted ‘Hosannah’ that great expression of praise and joy meaning ‘God Saves’.

But this evening, in the Church of England, we are moving into remembering the series of events in Jerusalem that led inexorably to Jesus’s death five days later on what we now call Good Friday.

This evening’s gospel reading is Mark 12: 1-12:

Then he began to speak to them in parables. “A man planted a vineyard, put a fence around it, dug a pit for the wine press, and built a watchtower; then he leased it to tenants and went to another country. When the season came, he sent a slave to the tenants to collect from them his share of the produce of the vineyard. But they seized him, and beat him, and sent him away empty-handed. And again he sent another slave to them; this one they beat over the head and insulted. Then he sent another, and that one they killed. And so it was with many others; some they beat, and others they killed. He had still one other, a beloved son. Finally he sent him to them, saying, ‘They will respect my son.’ But those tenants said to one another, ‘This is the heir; come, let us kill him, and the inheritance will be ours.’ So they seized him, killed him, and threw him out of the vineyard. What then will the owner of the vineyard do? He will come and destroy the tenants and give the vineyard to others. 1 Have you not read this scripture:

‘The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone;[ a ]
this was the Lord’s doing,
and it is amazing in our eyes’?”

When they realized that he had told t his parable against them, they wanted to arrest him, but they feared the crowd. So they left him and went away.’ (NRSV)

The events in this scripture happened on the Tuesday – two days after his entry into Jerusalem.

On the Monday, having stayed the night in the village of Bethany outside of Jerusalem, Jesus had returned to the city and to the temple, and effectively declared war on the temple authorities by driving out all those selling sacrificial animals and overturning the tables of the money changers.

Then on the Tuesday, he returned to the temple, where the chief pharisees and the scribes challenged him asking by whose authority he was doing these things. Knowing that they were seeking to find reasons to arrest him, he declined to give an answer but instead told the parable of the Vineyard Tenants.

The image of the vineyard, like an olive grove, lies deep in the Mediterranean psyche. It represents a place that is important, precious and well-tended, a place of shade and work, the fruits of which are both profitable and pleasurable. Which is why, in the both the Old and New Testaments, the vineyard is seen as a symbol of God’s relationship with his people.

Isaiah, for example, wrote the Song of the Unfruitful Vineyard (Isaiah 5:1-7) which speaks of how a vineyard owner, full of hope, dug out the land and cleared it of stones, planting it with choice vines, placing a watchtower and a wine press in the centre of the vineyard. A metaphor for how God the father prepared the earth for his greatest creation – man – and watched over and protected his people Israel.

But the vineyard like the people of Israel people failed to live up to expectations. Despite his loving care, the vines and his people grew wild, the result being God’s judgement; the tearing down of the vineyard and the overrun of Judah and the exile of God’s people.

Fast forward 700 years, and Jesus once again speaks of a vineyard. By this time the Lord has brought his people back into the land – the vineyard has been planted once again - and the religious life of the country and its leadership has been restored. And God incarnate goes to the temple, effectively the symbolic watchtower at the heart of the nation’s relationship with God and he accuses the religious leaders of forgetting who this vineyard belongs to.

Once again he talks of a vineyard owner who plants a vineyard, puts a fence around it and digs a pit for a winepress and builds a watch tower ( Jesus emphasises the huge care and investment that the vineyard owner has put into his creation). Then having constructed the vineyard, the owner leases it out to tenants and goes to another country – a fairly common practice in the region in the first century. The tenants were expected to pay the owner about between 30- 50% of the harvest which was a fairly good deal, the owner made all the investment and took all the risks, and the tenants were able to live off the land. It was worked well for everyone, so long as the tenants were loyal.

When the time came, the vineyard owner followed standard practice and sent his servant to the tenants to get his portion of the harvest which was his right. But things don’t go as he expects. In first century Palestine it was also fairly common practice that if the landlord was absent for four years or more then the land could revert to the tenants. And the tenants in Jesus’s parable seem to be under the impression that they are now in charge.

So when a servant appears on the scene, it is a very unwelcome development. And the disloyal servants take him, beat him and send him away empty handed. Undaunted the owner sends a second servant, but this time they strike him on the head and treated him shamefully. The owner was however persistent and sends a third but he, and the others the owner continues to send after him, are killed.

But Jesus’s story goes on; ‘He had still one other, a beloved son. Finally he sent him to them, saying. “They will respect my son” But those tenants said to one another “This is the heir. Come lets kill him, and the inheritance will be ours.”’ In those days if the landowner died, the tenants would be granted ownership of the property. So the reference to the ‘heir’ may mean that they tenants assumed the landowner was dead, but either way, they saw the opportunity to gain ownership of the land.

Jesus uses this parable to both illuminate and condemn. The religious authorities listening to the parable knew that Jesus was telling this parable against them; that he regarded them as the defiant and unfaithful tenants who were usurping the authority of God; who had had rejected, beaten and killed so many of his emissaries – his prophets - over the preceding centuries. One can almost imagine their rising indignation and fury at being so publicly shamed by this itinerant upstart from Nazareth who had no formal authority. And in a matter of days the pharisees would mirror this this terrible narrative. They would reject and kill the beloved son, while seeking to take over his vineyard.

I have always had a bit of an issue with the Victorian portrayal of Jesus as ‘meek and mild’. The Jesus that the gospels portray was so outspoken so critical, and so infuriated the religious authorities of the day, that they were willing to effectively collaborate with their hated oppressors in order send him to the most excruciating death imaginable. Jesus was meek and humble enough to take this suffering upon himself for us, but he wasn’t mild. And his Passion was born out of love.

When I was younger I always wondered why on earth the owner would go on to send his son as debt collector, given the treatment of the servants he had already sent. But Jesus doesn’t imply that the landowner didn’t know what the outcome would be. He knew. And what this parable shows us is the depth of that love. For God loved the world so much that he sent his only begotten son to die for us; to secure God’s harvest. They took him, and killed him and threw him out of the vineyard, his body crucified on a cross outside the city walls.

In just five days, the atmosphere in Jerusalem went from that of adoration to condemnation. The crowd that praised and worshipped Jesus on Palm Sunday, joined with the religious leaders on Good Friday in baying for Jesus’s blood; their cries of ‘Hosanna’ becoming calls for crucifixion. God, the vineyard owner had ‘expected justice but saw bloodshed’. (Isaiah 5:7)

But this is not, of course, the end of the story. While Isaiah’s love song of the vineyard ends with its destruction, Jesus’s parable ends with a promise and great hope.

In telling this tale, Jesus sealed the fate that God planned for him; the pharisees then go away to plot how they can have him arrested and killed. But quoting Psalm 118, Jesus tells the crowd on that day that ‘the stone that the builders rejected has become the corner stone,’ and on this cornerstone is built his worldwide church; 2.4 billion Christians who today – all over the planet – are praising and singing ‘Hosanna, God Save Us’.

We may still be woefully unfaithful tenants, we may still wilfully seek to run our own lives, and at times, we may live our lives as if God was an absent landlord. But we will be forgiven.

The rejected son, will be our salvation. And the resurrected son, has secured our eternal life.

Kate Nicholas is a best-selling Christian author, broadcaster and consultant. Her latest book Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story with God’s Narrative is now available in Christian bookstores, and online at Eden.co.uk, Aslan Christian Books, Waterstones and Amazon Worldwide. You can also find out more about Kate’s writing, broadcasting, courses and events at www.katenicholas.co.uk

Photo by Brady Leavell on Unsplash

Imperfect Parenting and the Perfect Parent

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 12:28:20 GMT

A reflection for Mothering Sunday

On this Mothering Sunday, I have been reflecting on parenting and just how much we will do for our children. If we have children of own – even if they have grown up, moved away from home and now have their own children – we would hope that we would still love them dearly.

From their earliest days that we hope that as parents we can ensure our children get the right nutrition and education; that we can teach them the difference between right and wrong and guide them on the right path so that they can be all they can be. These are the things that make up good parenting. And if even if we don’t have children, it’s good to reflect on all that our own parents have done for us over the years, including the love and care they have provided when we were children, as well as the sacrifices that they may have made in order to give us the best opportunities in life.

But I wonder how far our parents, and we as parents, would really be willing to go for our children; what sacrifices would we really be willing to make? I am not just talking about going without the luxuries of life like holidays or a new car in order to pay for things like education, the latest gadget or designer fashion. How much would we really be willing to give up for our children?

I remember so clearly when my eldest child was born. Before that moment I thought I knew what love was. But as I held her in my arms , I was overwhelmed by an emotion that was deeper and stronger than anything I had experience in my life to date. I remember feeling rather like a lioness protecting her young. I felt that I would be willing to do anything to protect this precious bundle of humanity. And for the first time I began to get just an inkling of how God might feel actually about me.

I believed that there was nothing that she could do to stop me loving her, and I realised with slight shock that if anyone ever threated to hurt her, like a lioness, my instinct might take over and I might even take extreme measures. The thought was a bit unsettling, but it was an indication of the depth of that love that I was experiencing for the first time.

Sadly, however this kind of experience is not universal. Some mothers for example, suffer from post-natal depression and are robbed of this kind of intense bonding. And some parents, for reasons sometimes beyond their control, fail to provide love and protection for their children.

One of the saddest aspects about the COVID-19 pandemic has been the way in which it has affected children in damaged and damaging homes. Locked down, and socially isolated, a frightening number of children have suffered neglect, emotional and even physical abuse. The NSPCC and Childline have received record levels of calls to their helplines as incredibly stressed parents and carers sadly took out their frustrations on their children. And other children who were already at risk found themselves unable to escape and to access help from outside the family home.

While COVID-19 may have brought things to a head for many families, this lack of care and even cruelty is unfortunately not a new phenomenon. And sometimes people just repeat patterns of dysfunction and harm that they have experienced at the hands of their parents.

I am sure we all want to be the best parent possible and would like to think that we would do anything for our children, and that our parents or carers would have done anything for us. In the past, I have even thought that, if necessary, I would willingly give my life in place that of my child. I can’t imagine a circumstance in which that could happen because we are very blessed to live in a largely peaceful and secure society, and it is unlikely that I would ever be faced with such a choice.

But through my work with World Vision I have witnessed enormous courage and sacrifice on the part of parents in some toughest places in the world. One of the most obvious examples of this sacrifice being the many times that I have seen mothers and fathers go without food in order to feed their children – sometimes at the cost of their own heath and even lives.

In the comparatively affluent nation that I live in, this seems like a very distant reality. But as a mother I like to think that I would be willing to give up my life for my child if it ever came that. But if I’m brutally honest, I cannot say that I know without doubt that I would – I can’t be utterly sure that my basic survival instinct wouldn’t kick in. I think about Peter who told Jesus that he would follow him even into death, but when faced with the possibility of being arrested and crucified alongside his Lord, backed away as his survival instinct kicked in. I would like to think that I would be willing to make any sacrifice for my children, but I’m a flawed and imperfect human being, and as such I can never be sure of this.

It’s our harsh reality. As human beings we are always going to be flawed and that applied to parenthood as much as any other part of our lives. But in his letter to the Romans the Apostle Paul shows us that this is not he totality of our reality. ‘For while we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. Indeed, rarely will anyone die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die. But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.’ (Romans 5:6-8)

As mothers, fathers and care givers, we can try our very best, but we are never going to be perfect parents. But the wonderful reality is that no matter what our own experience; whether we despite their best intensions our parents could’ve done a better job of bringing it up, whether we have, at times, felt that we have not done enough for our children – we all have another greater parent who is perfect.

In God, we have a parent who loves us so completely and utterly they are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, so that we might live life in all its fullness. For ‘while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.’ (v. 6)

Paul recognises our weaknesses and our inability to always live up to the very best version of ourselves, saying ‘Indeed rarely will anyone die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die.’ (v. 7) But Paul shows us how God the perfect parent proves his love for us in that ‘while we were still sinners Christ died for us.’ (v8)

We are all sinners. As children we misbehave in a way that can often aggravate our parents, and as parents we don’t always deal with these situations well. But God the perfect parent not only forgives us our sins and our failings, but he is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf, giving of himself in the form of Jesus Christ.

Jesus was not only God’s child – his only begotten son, Jesus was God incarnate. And despite our all failings and wilful disobedience, he was willing to take all the sins and suffering of the world upon himself, and to give up his life, so that we, his children, might our lives to the very full. He willingly suffered the most terrible death on the cross, offering up his own life, for ours, so that we are set free to live out the span of our lives, as children and as adults, learning to care for others, as he cares for us.

And finally at our lives end, we are gathered into his loving arms. As through this great parental act of loving sacrifice he justifies us by his blood, saves us and reconciles once and for all to our perfect and eternal parent.

Photo by bady abbas on Unsplash

Soul's Scribe: Connecting Your Story to God's Narrative

Sun, 14 Feb 2021 11:03:47 GMT

I feel as if I have reached a real milestone as my latest book Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story With God’s Narrative becomes available. This book is the result of over twenty years’ of personal reflection on how God communicates with us throughout our lives, how he shapes our story and how he equips us to communicate this experience to others.

As a Christian and a communicator, I feel a deep calling to help people to recognise that our reality is far more mysterious and exciting than we can ever imagine; and to encourage people to see that behind the often hum drum events of our daily lives, lies a different and more profound story about that part of us that connects us to God - our soul story.

A couple of years ago, I was speaking to a church group about my own soul story as captured in my best-selling memoir Sea Changed. And a woman in the audience got up and said, ‘It was wonderful to hear your story, but wouldn’t it be great if we could do as you have done; to look back over our own lives, to see where God has been at work and be able to tell our own stories – but I suspect we only get round to doing this when we realize we haven’t long left.’

She left quite an impression on me. I realised that before cancer brought me to a standstill I, like many, had lived most of my life on autopilot. It’s really hard to step back and to take the take the time to reflect on the lessons of our own lives while we are busy living. And many of us are also unsure about how to tell the story of our walk with God to others.

So I wrote this new book Soul’s Scribe , to help people see more clearly how God communicates with us throughout our lives and how he equips us to communicate this experience to others.

You may not think your ‘life story’ is particularly dramatic or noteworthy, but each of us also has a ‘soul story’ to tell - the tale of our inner walk with God. And Soul’s Scribe draws on scripture and psychology to take you on a journey through the various stages of life, helping you to see your soul story as an adventure full of meaning and purpose, connecting your tale with the great sweeping arc of God’s eternal narrative. Plus in recognition of our call to be witnesses, Soul’s Scribe also provides communication tools to help readers to share their soul story in a way that will inspire and encourage others.

Soul’s Scribe is a book for anyone who has ever said to themselves ‘There has to be something more than this?’; who wants to better grasp the real meaning behind the events of their lives, and would like to help others to see that they too are beloved.

Soul’s Scribe is now at Christian bookstores, and online at Amazon worldwide, Waterstones and at Eden.co.uk.

https://www.eden.co.uk/christian-books/spiritual-growth/souls-scribe

You can also find out more about Kate’s writing, broadcasting, courses and events at www.katenicholas.co.uk

Christmas Blessings

Fri, 25 Dec 2020 14:55:19 GMT

The Danger of Spiritual Complacency

Sat, 14 Nov 2020 19:59:47 GMT

The Danish philosopher Kierkegaard once told a story about a wounded goose who came into land in a farmyard full of chickens. He stayed there until he healed, playing and eating with the chickens until after a while he even began to think he too was a chicken.

Then one day a flock of geese passed over the farmyard on their migratory path to warmer climes. The goose heard their honking and looked up. And as he did so inside him something stirred and his wings began flapping. He rose a few feet in the air, but then stopped in mid-air and settled back once again into the mud of the farmyard. He had become complacent and settled for a lesser life.

We are warned against complacency in both the Old and New Testaments. The Prophet Zephaniah, for example, warns the Southern tribes of Judah about complacency in colourful language designed to terrify.

This prophecy was written in the 7th century BC after the northern kingdom of Israel had been conquered by the Babylonians. Having come through unscathed, the peoples of the Southern Kingdom grew complacent and continued to live in way that angered God. But Zephaniah made clear to them in no uncertain term that they could not presume that just because they escaped the Babylonian attacks that they would ultimately escape God’s judgement.

Zephaniah Chapter One warns that ‘the Day of the Lord (or judgement) is at hand’, and that God would search the city of Jerusalem with lamps’ and ‘punish the people who rest complacently on their dregs’ - which in some translations reads as ‘those who settled on their lees’. The dregs or the lees are the particles that settle during fermentation which, if left too long, ruin a wine. So what he is saying is that rather like the goose who settled in the mud of the farmyard, the peoples of Judah were settling for less.

And the Bible says that this complacency angers God. Zephaniah points out in quite terrifying language that Day of the Lord will be a day of ‘wrath’ when the Lord will bring ‘such distress upon people that they shall walk like the blind’, Because they have sinned against the Lord, their blood shall be poured out like dust and their flesh like dung’. It’s a pretty graphic warning. And the danger of complacency is just as great in 21st century Western societies as it was in Judah in the 7th century B.C.

The Chambers English dictionary defines complacency as ‘ a willingness to too easily settle’, being ‘too easily satisfied’ as well as being ‘self-satisfied; smug, disinclined to worry’. Complacency is about living as if God doesn’t exist or as if there are no consequences for our actions; excusing our behaviour by saying to ourselves – ‘it’s okay, it doesn’t matter, “the LORD will not do good, nor will he do harm.” In effect it is ‘practical atheism’ - which is why complacency is so offensive to God.

This theme is also picked up in the gospel of Matthew. In The Parable of the Talents, Jesus likened God to a master who entrusts property to his servants while he is on a journey. To the first servant he gave five talents, to the second he gave two talents and to the third he gave one talent (the equivalent of about one million pounds in today’s currency). The first two servants traded with their talents and so increased their masters yield, while the third simply buried it in the ground and left it there.

On his return the master rewarded those who proactively sought to increase their masters wealth, calling them his good and trusty servants. But the third servant who settled for less, he castigated as ‘wicked and lazy’ telling him at the very least he should have invested his money with the bankers in order to earn interest.

This parable is about stewardship of God’s gifts to us, and our responsibility to use them well to further his Kingdom. Which is why Jesus concludes his parable with the worthless or complacent slave being thrown’ out into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Complacency risks God’s wrath or anger. We don’t like dwelling on God’s wrath in the twenty first century. We prefer to focus on his love, forgiveness and mercy as personified by Jesus, and we often like to think the God of ‘wrath’ is confined to the Old Testament. But what Jesus makes clear in this parable is that God is all loving but can also be moved to righteous anger by the sins of his creation.

But what does this mean for us?

It means that, as Christians, we need to live in awareness that God has given us great blessings and that he wants us actively seek to use these blessing for his glory. What the Parable of the Talents makes clear it isn’t’ enough to be content that we have been saved, we are called to use all that God has given us for the sake of the Kingdom. And we mustn’t waste the opportunities that God gives us to witness to him whether it by sharing our faith or by the way we live, loving our neighbours as ourselves.

God wants us to do far more than to passively preserve what he has entrusted to us, we mustn’t just rest on our laurels and become complacent. Because the blessings that he has given us – like the money given to the servants – are not ours to own. We are to shake off any complacency and be proactive disciples. God gives us to us extravagantly through the power of the Holy Spirit, but with great power comes great responsibility.

So we need to ask ourselves today:

Are there any areas of our lives in which we are being complacent?

Are we in danger of settling for less and living as if God is an absent landlord?

And confess these to the Lord asking for his help to be his ‘good and faithful’ servants.

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk, kooroong.com and Amazon worldwide. Her TV series Living a Transformed Life can be viewed on demand on www.tbnuk.org or at www.katenicholas.co.uk Kate’s next book Soul’s Scribe: Connecting your Story and God’s Narrative will be available in the autumn.

Photo by Gary Bendig on Unsplash

Bible Sunday without the Bible?

Sun, 04 Oct 2020 13:49:08 GMT

What if the Bible didn’t exist? It’s hard to imagine isn’t it?

It’s not only the best-selling book in the world - the words of the Bible also permeate every aspect of our lives and are the foundation not only of our faith but our society as a whole.

In the Western world, two thousand years of our history has been shaped by the Bible. Our entire concept of linear time pivots around what we know from the Bible about the birth of Jesus Christ. For centuries, the years prior to his birth were delineated as Before Christ or BC, and those after his birth AD or Anno Domini which is Latin for ‘in the year of our Lord’.

Even the shape of our week has its roots in the first chapter of the Bible; the first six days corresponding to the six days of creation, and the seventh to the Sabbath, when we are told that God rested after his labours. And the whole concept of a holiday is based on the importance of ‘holy days’ outlined in the Old Testament.

The English language itself has also been profoundly influenced by the language of the Bible. David Crystal, linguist and expert in the evolution of the English language, has found no less than 257 phrases in the English language that have been taken from the King James Bible. Whether we talk about being at ‘our wits’ end’, being ‘all things to all men’, ‘giving up the ghost’ or escaping ‘by the skin of your teeth’, we are quoting the Bible. More cheerfully, we may unconsciously quote the Bible when we set out to ‘eat, drink and be merry’, judge that ‘two are better than one’, ‘fight the good fight’ or, at the end of the day, head to the ‘land of Nod’.

The Bible has also had a profound impact on all forms of art up until the mid-19th century painting and sculpture focused almost exclusively on biblical themes, as did many composers. And even modern secular song writers such as Van Morrison, Leonard Cohen an Bob Marley consciously or unconsciously quote the Bible.

You just can’t escape the words of the Bible, they are woven into the very fabric of our lives. And, even with all the technological advances of the past few decades, Christians are still reading texts that were together four or five centuries before Homer even wrote the Odyssey. Stories about how God worked in the lives of people whose bones have long since turned to dust and societies that had values that seem very alien to our own (take the Baal worshipper of Canaan for example who were into child sacrifice!).

But we continue to find ourselves in the pages of the Bible. These ancient words still speak into our lives in the most remarkable way, challenging us and guiding us. And it is hard to imagine what our lives would be like if the Bible didn’t exist. But this was effectively the situation that the people of Jerusalem found themselves in the 5th century BC.

Jerusalem had been conquered by the Babylonians just over a 100 years before. The temple and the city was decimated and the people scattered, many taken into exile. The way of life that they had known was lost to them.

The people of Judah lived in exile for many years and, while some such as the teacher Ezra were been faithful, others integrated into Persian society, inter marrying and in some cases adopting the pagan practices of the local people – practices which the Bible makes clear are detestable to God Until, in the fifth century BC, the Persian leader Cyrus allowed Ezra and a remanent of the exiles to return home, followed a few years later by Nehemiah. And together they began the herculean task of rebuilding what had been lost.

What became clear to both of them early on, was that they needed to do far more than just rebuild the walls of the city and temple. They needed the people to reconnect them to their spiritual roots which brings us to today’s amazing account from the book of Nehemiah.

It was the first day of the seventh month, The walls had been rebuilt – against all odds – but Nehemiah and Ezra knew that they had to restore the heart of Jerusalem and the only way they could do that was with God’s word. So they gathered the people together and Ezra began to read.

We are told that he read ‘facing the square before the Water gate from early morning until mid-day, in the presence of men and women and those who could understand; and the ears of the people were attentive to the book of the law’ (Nehemiah. 8:3)

Now if you think sermons at your church are long, then just try to imagine it – the people stood from early morning until mid-day, probably for about six hours, for seven days as Ezra read from the account of the history of humanity and God’s guidance in the form of the Law of Moses and explained the relevance and meaning of the words.

Copies of the Law were rare in exile, and it is likely that many had never heard these sacred words before. And as they listened they wept; as they grasped how far they had strayed from the path God had laid out for them, they wept tears of sorrow. But then they rejoiced and celebrated, having found that which was lost. This was the moment of revival and renewal when the people heard the word of God.

Sometimes for today’s Christians it can feel as if we too have lost something of inestimable value. There’s a whole generation growing up who don’t understand how the Bible has shaped our lives, and all too often secular society dismisses the word of the Bible as irrelevant.

But we can take heart, because in the New Testament we also have the words spoken by Jesus Christ, the living word who came to save us, and tells us ‘ Heaven and earth will pass, but my words will never pass away.’(Matthew 24:34) Throughout the centuries, Gods’ people have gone through cycles where the Bible was neglected, but God also brings renewal through a focus on his word.

So what can we learn from today’s scripture.

Well first of all – for spiritual renewal we must READ the Bible. God could have communicated with us in all sorts of ways, but he chose for his truth to be written for all of us to read.

Secondly we must HEAR the Bible. There is great power in hearing the word of God, which is why each week we read aloud from both the Old Testament and New Testament. I remember during the worst times when I was ill with cancer, I was unable to concentrate to read so, instead, listened to scripture on CDs – and the words filled me with such hope. And these days there are so many ways to hear the Bible ( I love to listen to Nicky Gumbel’s Bible in One Year on my phone because scripture is read by the wonderful David Suchet).

Thirdly, we must be taught if we are to UNDERSTAND the Bible. Sermons preached in your church will help you to understand scripture but if you can it is good to go deeper. This might mean reading a commentary about the Bible or joining a home group, even virtually. Or you can watch Bible teaching on television channels like TBN or hear it on Premier Radio or UCB.

And finally we must RESPOND to his word .When the Israelites understood the word of God, their instinct was to act on what they had learnt. Having rediscovered their history and God’s commandments, they immediately enacted one of the ancient rituals laid down by God, the building of booths or temporary shelters to remember their journey out of Egypt and Gods’ salvation.

Today we have unparalleled access to scripture, so let’s make a renewed commitment to commit to read, hear, seek to understand and respond to the word of God. And I pray that this Bible Sunday may be the beginning of a time of renewal in our hearts, our church, and our community.

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk, kooroong.com, Amazon worldwide and www.katenicholas.co.uk . Her forthcoming book Soul’s Scribe: Connecting Your Story With God’s Narrative will be available February 2021.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Discover how to write your Christian autobiography or memoir

Thu, 27 Aug 2020 10:35:10 GMT

Earlier this summer, I launched a new online course Write Your Soul Story - How to write your Christian autobiography or memoir. I was inspired to put this course together by various requests for help from people who had decided to write their story during lockdown, but Write Your Soul Story has been such a success that I have decided to run it again starting on September 7th.

The reality is there are so many amazing and potentially transformative stories out there of how God has worked in people's lives, but when it comes to writing a book most people don't know where to start. Which is why I feel called to share the lessons I have learned writing my best-selling autobiography Sea Changed in order to help others share their stories in a way that can inspire and encourage others.

Over four zoom sessions, I will take you through the entire process from identifying your readers to structuring your story, from editing to getting your book published including:

· God’s calling to share your story and the Christian book market.

· Identifying and understanding your readership

· The discipline of writing

· How to define your key theme or offer

· How to use fictional literary devices to turn your story into a page turner

· The art of editing

· Finding a publisher

· And how to promote your book.

I will also be offering one to one support package which includes one to one help with structuring your story, a readers report from the editing team of a leading Christian publisher and the chance to have your book reviewed for potential publication.

Sign up here for to access the first session for free at 7.00 p.m. BST on Monday 7th September. And please do share with any of your friends and colleagues who you think have a story to share.

The Big Question

Sun, 23 Aug 2020 13:32:25 GMT

Who is Jesus in a Covid-19 world?

Who do you say Jesus is? Some of us have had more time than usual to ponder over the past few months, but when was the last time you actually asked yourself who Jesus is?

Matthew 16:13-20 records Jesus questioning his disciples asking ‘Who do you say I am?’

At first sight this question may seem like a simple one, with a relatively simple answer. And I am sure that many of us could parrot a suitable Sunday school response.

But Jesus didn’t intend this to be an easy question - back in the first century when he first asked it or now.

Did you know that the gospels record over 150 questions that Jesus asked his followers and others during his ministry? And they are some of the most profound and challenging questions ever asked of humanity. Questions like who then is your neighbour? Where is your faith? And do you love me? In fact he often answered other questions with a question.

Jesus never gave people pat answers or short cut their discovery process, and he used questions to make us really reflect on his teaching and his life and what it means for us. And at the centre of his ministry and all his teaching - lies this question the most profound and searching of all? Because this question ‘who do you say I am’ is all about us.

Jesus knew exactly who he was, there was no confusion in his mind and he doesn’t ask the question for his benefit - this a question for us – intended to prompt our reflection and exploration.

Jesus’s question comes in two parts. First of all in this account from Matthew, Jesus asks his gathered disciples, ‘who do others say the son of man is?’

Jesus is called by many names in the Bible but the title the Son of Man was the one that Jesus most commonly applied to himself. And the name the son of man goes back to the Old Testament to the prophecies of Daniel who in a vision saw one like the Son of Man descending from heaven and to the Psalms which refer to the son of man who God has raised up for himself.

So by using this title Jesus indicates that he is perfectly clear about this own identity and relationship to God. But he was also conscious that as he had travelled throughout Palestine, preaching, challenging and performing miracles that he had created quite a stir and that there were plenty of theories flying around about him.

So first of all he wanted to get this issue out of the way.

During the centuries of oppression suffered by the Israelites, many had risen up to proclaim the word of God but all had ultimately fallen, and it is to these figures from the past that their thoughts first turned.

When Jesus asked the disciples who others said he was, they pointed to first John the Baptist who was murdered by Herod, John was such a charismatic and also enigmatic character that many, including Herod, thought they might see him again.

Some thought he was the prophet Elijah, the worker of miracles who Malachi prophesied would be seen again before the ‘great and terrible day of Yahweh’ comes (Malachi 4:5). And others that Jesus was Jeramiah who has opposed the religious leaders in Jerusalem and predicted the destruction of the temple which came after Jesus’s death. And for good measure they add - or one of the other prophets.

But after asking the disciples what others thought, Jesus then asks them directly ‘ But who do YOU say I am’

I don’t know about you but when I read this I can almost imagine his piercing gaze as he looked into the eyes of his followers, his expression saying that isn’t good enough, I need to know what YOU personally believe about me from the bottom of your heart and soul. Who do you Peter, James John, etc personally believe and say that that I am?

It is a deceptively simple question with enormous depth and ramifications and this question still applies today. It is not enough for us to be able to parrot Sunday School style responses, to just recite the liturgy here in church that others have told us provide the correct answer.

His question – ‘who do YOU say I am?’ is directed to each and every one of us personally today.

And Jesus’s question isn’t hypothetical or abstract – and then as now the answer has as historical context and perspective.

In the first century AD, the question was loaded with expectations set by the Old Testament prophets. And even Peter’s answer ‘you are the messiah – the son of the living God’ was fraught with complexity.

In first century Judaism there was no single understanding of the word the ‘messiah’.

The Hebrew ‘mashiach’, from which we get the word ‘messiah’ means anointed which in Greek is translated as ‘Christ’. And many thought that the Messiah or Christ was going to be a warrior or king who would release his people from Roman oppression and rule. And it was only in Holy Week, that it became clearer what kind of Messiah Jesus would turn out to be.

So Peter gives the correct answer but the true meaning of Jesus’s identity as the Messiah was yet to be revealed. In fact his answer only raised yet more questions. In many ways what Peter says is only the beginning of a journey into knowing Jesus that each of us is called to undertake. And Jesus’s question continues to resonate down throughout history as he asks us all in our different contexts - who do you say I am?

It isn’t enough to be able to say who others say Jesus is, we need to ask ourselves who Jesus is to us today. And the answer wont’ be easy because life is not always easy. But we need to be able to answer this for ourselves every day of our life and in whatever our circumstances we may face.

So who do we say Jesus is in the face of a global pandemic that has rocked our sense of security to the core?

Who do we say Jesus is when we feel isolated and cut off from our community by Covid-19?

Who do we say Jesus is when we feel nervous to leave the house (as I know I have)?

Who do we say Jesus is when we are worried about the future?

Who do we say Jesus is when we lose a loved one?

Who do we say Jesus is when we are faced with questions with no easy answers?

But also who do we say Jesus is when all seems to be right with the world?

Who do we say Jesus is when we feel comfortable and don’t’ think we need him?

And who do we say Jesus is when all our efforts seem to be paying off and we are tempted to forget that all good things come from God?

The answer wont’ necessarily be easy and is likely to challenge us to the core. Because there is nothing safe about this question.

Let’s face it there was nothing safe about Jesus and he knew that this question would force us to dig deep, to really work out what we believe at the deepest level. And the answer to this question has implications for how we live our lives.

When Peter identifies Jesus as the Messiah he says to him. ‘Blessed are you, Simon Son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my father in heaven.’

Jesus’s true identity cannot be received second hand from others, but only through our personal relationship with God through him. And the closer we come to him, the clearer the answer will be. And the clearer the answer, the firmer our foundation. And Jesus’s identity becomes the rock on which our lives our built individually and collectively as his church.

So whatever your circumstances, I encourage you to honestly ask yourself Jesus’s question that has shaped so many lives down the centuries ‘Who do you say I am? And to let the answer be the rock that you build your life upon.

Have you ever thought about writing a book about your walk with God - but just don’t know where to start? Then check out my online course Write Your Soul Story: How to write your autobiography or memoir at https://www.katenicholas.co.uk/mysoulsstory

The Sower: A parable for a time such as this

Sun, 12 Jul 2020 10:03:40 GMT

Our responses to God in a Covid-19 world.

We are currently in Year A of the Church of England lectionary and a time which some call ‘parable season’ when we are encouraged to dwell on the well-known parables that are recorded in Matthew Chapter 13.

Parables form nearly a third of Jesus’s teaching, and he used these stories to help bring seemingly abstract and often complex concepts such as justice and mercy near for people using imagery that was familiar from their daily lives. Parables are literally ‘para’ near ‘ballo’ bringers – ‘near bringers’.

Today’s reading ( Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23) focuses on Jesus’s use of the familiar image of a farmer sowing seed to help explain some of the complexity of our human nature. In this parable, the sower is faced with the extraordinary challenges of sowing on less than fertile ground. We are told that some seeds he sowed fell on the path, others on rocky ground and some among thorn and weeds – with only a portion of the seed falling on good soil.

Now no-one who knew the first thing about farming would actually sow with such abandon, scattering precious seed far and wide on highways and byways. And not surprisingly the sower had mixed results. The seed that fell on the path was eaten up.That which fell on rocky ground with little soil, sprung up quickly but was soon scorched by the sun and withered away, while other seed was choked by thorns and weeds. Only the seed that fell on good soil went on to produce a harvest.

When his baffled disciples questioned him on the meaning of this tale, Jesus went on to explain that the different ground conditions in his parable are a metaphor for how people hear and respond to his word.

When we hear but do not understand, the good news is snatched away like birds snatching seed from a path. Some are initially elated to hear God’s words but like the seed on rocky ground their faith has no roots and withers away when trouble or persecution comes. Others’ faith is choked out of them by the weeds and thorns of the cares of the world. It is only when when Gods’ word falls on the good soil of understanding it produces a wonderous harvest.

I am sure we would all like to think of ourselves as good soil where God’s word takes root and flourishes, but we all contain within ourselves to the ability to be any of these different forms of ground. Within all of us lies the potential for God’s word for blossom and transform, but also for belief to rise up but then die away as the concerns of the world overtake us. And at different times of our lives we may respond to God’s word in different ways. This is the reality of living as flawed ‘sinful’ human beings in a broken world.

We live in a world fractured by our own disobedience and rebellion. And God told Adam that as a result of mankind’s failure to obey God that our efforts would be frustrated by ‘thorns and thistles’ brought forth from the earth. That having fractured our relationship with our creator, life on earth would be hard.

Over the past few months we have been provided with a brutal reminder of that reality. Most of us alive today have come to believe in the inevitability and power of human progress but the coronavirus that has swept across the world taking lives and security has challenged people at a very deep level.

Covid-19 has affected us all and as our sense of normality has been threatened, many have found themselves seeking meaning in new ways. The thorns and weeds of this terrible pandemic has caused people of different faiths and none to question anew how such things can happen.

Sadly some people’s belief has been choked out of them by the cares of this time, as they struggle to find God in the midst of the pandemic. But for many this crisis has led to a re-evaluation of their secular world view and a reconnection with God - evidenced by the enormous increase in people who say that they have been praying and those who have been attending church for the first time online.

The great writer and thinker C.S. Lewis described our pain as the megaphone that God sometimes uses to rouse a deaf world. I am not suggesting that God created Covid-19 but rather than he can use our experiences of living in this world we have fractured by pointing us back to him, our creator.

God does not only sow his seed in good soil. He loves us with such abandon that he scatters that love far and wide. He does not want to miss the chance of reaching even one lost soul. And in these times, the thorns and weeds, may be the very thing that brings us back to a deeper relationship with God.

Image: Vincent van Gogh 'The Sower' courtesy of The Van Goth Museum, Amsterdam.

The Community Instinct

Sun, 07 Jun 2020 08:29:39 GMT

What the Trinity tells us about our need for connection

What have you found hardest about this lockdown period? So many have suffered in so many ways but perhaps the most distressing aspect of the lockdown for many has been our separation from others; family, friends, neighbours and loved ones, even in their most desperate hours. And even as the lockdown restrictions begin to ease, the need to social distance still prevents us from the comfort of human touch, the much needed hug from a missed family member or friend.

It’s this suffering that has prompted such a public backlash against Dominic Cummings, the government advisor who devised the strategy for this separation but then broke his own rules. Defending his actions, Cummings (and Boris Johnson) spoke about the deeply held instinct to care for his family; an instinct that sent him 260 miles up the motorway from London to Durham, so that he, his wife and young child could be close to his parents and other relatives.

Whatever your views on the rights and wrongs of his actions, I am sure that most of us can recognize the instinct that drove him to take these steps - because buried deep inside of all of us is a heartfelt need to gravitate towards others, particularly in extremis. It’s as if the need to be in community is ingrained within our genetic make-up; that the need to be in relationship with others is part of our DNA and what it means to be human. None of which should surprise us.

Today is Trinity Sunday, the day in the church calendar when we remember that our God is, himself, community. The whole concept of the Trinity, the teaching that there is only one God but that he is made up of an eternal relationship between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, is one of the most mysterious aspects of our faith. But the reality of this holy community is woven throughout the whole of scripture.

In Genesis’s poetic account of creation, God speaks about himself in the plural saying ‘‘Let u s make human kind in our image, according to our likeness’ (Gen 1:26). And in today’s Church of England lectionary reading, Isaiah paints a picture of God instructing and enlightening the Spirit of the Lord to do his creative work in the world asking:

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand
and marked off the heavens with a span,
enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure,
and weighed the mountains in scales
and the hills in a balance?
Who has directed the spirit of the Lord,
or as his counselor has instructed him?
Whom did he consult for his enlightenment,
and who taught him the path of justice?
Who taught him knowledge and showed him the way of understanding?’ Isa.40:12-14)

And today’s New Testament reading from Matthew, records Jesus making the now familiar reference to the identities of the three persons of the Godhead, as he told his disciples to go and ‘ make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the of the Holy Spirit ’ (Matt. 28:19)

So if our God is community - his very nature being relationship - and if we are made his image, then what does that mean for us?

The truth is that we too are made to be in relationship. As humans these relationships aren’t something we carry within ourselves, but they are part of what it means to alive in the world. We are hard wired to make connection to, and live in relationship, with others. And when our time upon this earth is passed, it is the quality of those relationships that we will be remembered for; how we touched and enriched other’s lives.

During this pandemic we have had to deny this basic instinct in ourselves in order to keep ourselves and others safe. But even at the peak of the crisis, when we were all called to stay at home, to protect the NHS and save lives, we have seen people reaching out from their self-isolation in a myriad of different ways; from local community support groups to the Thursday night hand clap for the NHS, from live streamed church to Zoom prayer sessions.

Although this experience has been very hard, what it teaches us is that just as the Trinity is made up of different persons but is also one, so too are we both individual but part of one body that is Christ Jesus. That, in Jesus, we are not only deeply connected to each other but are part of the eternal exchange of love that is our Trinitarian God. That while we may face physical isolation, we do not have to succumb to the isolation of the soul, for as Jesus told his disciples ‘I am with you always, to the end of the age.’

Photo by Branimir Balogović on Unsplash

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 10:16:47 GMT

The gift of enforced 'retreat'

During these days of self-imposed social distancing and isolation, I have had been reflecting on the concept of ‘retreat’. The word ‘retreat’ means to ‘withdraw’ or ‘drawback’ and in many ways all of us have been forced into an involuntary retreat by the threat of Covid 19; a retreat from the world as we know it and a retreat from our friends, neighbours and in some cases family.

The concept of retreat is central to many world religions including Christianity. In Psalm 46 we are told that ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble’ and he says to us’ Be still and know that I am God’ (Ps. 46:1,10)

As Christians we are encouraged to follow the example of Christ who in the midst of his demanding ministry - and even in his darkest hour - took time to ‘withdraw’ or ‘drawback’ and spent time in stillness and solitude.

In Luke Chapter Five we are told ‘Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed’ (v 16). And while we have not intentionally sought out this time of retreat, and may be finding it very difficult, it is also possible to see this time of withdrawal from the world as an opportunity to become closer to God.

As I write this, I can hear the sound of bird song through an open window, whereas two weeks ago that beautiful sound would have been largely drowned out by traffic noise. It is as if, having dialled down the ambient hum of human activity, we can hear more clearly the sounds of the natural world in all its splendid variety – but also the still small voice of God which comes to us not in the deafening sound of earthquake or storm but as a whisper in the silence.

Since closing my doors on the world, I have been taking this opportunity to do a course on Christian Mindfulness. Christian Mindfulness, like other forms of mindfulness meditation, encourages us to focus on the present rather than an uncertain future, but unlike other forms also encourages us to focus on our experience of the presence of God. It is about meditating on our present reality in Christ and simply being in the presence of God. I have not only found it a great help in the midst of current uncertainties but a truly joyful practice.

There are various course and apps to help you do this and I list a couple below, but even if you don’t feel comfortable with the idea of meditation, at the very least, I encourage you to accept that in the midst of this crisis, we are never truly alone and to accept God’s invitation to simply be still and know that he is God.

Resources:

There are a very wide range of resources out there to help with Christian meditation but I will only mention those that I use myself. These are:

https://christianmindfulness.co.uk/ The Christian Mindfulness Course costs but the site also includes an excellent introductory video and free meditations.

https://abide.co/ This app offers a daily meditation which you can tailor in terms of length to your needs as well as a range of meditations on a range of issues such as anxiety, health and stress. This app also costs.

Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

The Prodigal Son: a story for our times

Mon, 03 Feb 2020 20:23:46 GMT

In our church this week, we’ve been looking at the parable of The Prodigal Son as recorded in Luke’s gospel. It is such a well known story, and our familiarity with the tale can prevent us from seeing just how controversial the parable would have been when first told, or just how relevant it is to our lives today.

Jesus’s tells the story of a youngest son who goes to his father and asks to be given his inheritance while his father still lives. In Jesus’s time this would have been seen as a terrible act of disrespect and was tantamount to say ‘you are in my way; I wish you were dead.’ But despite the humiliating nature of his son’s request, the father does what his son asks. And we are that the young man young man immediatley ‘gathered all together’ and left to journey to a far country. In other words, he liquidated the assets that his father had built up over a lifetime and fled.

Luke doesn’t say which country he travelled to, but the phrase ‘far country’ indicates that it was a Gentile land. In other words, the young man is not only rejected his father but also his cultural heritage and faith.

Far from home, he found plenty of friends to help him spend the money on ‘good times’ until inevitably his inheritance funds ran out. At which point in desperation, he was reduced to working for a ‘citizen of that country’ looking after pigs, an unclean animal which no self-respecting Jew would touch. But hungry and alone, he had sunk so low that he even started eyeing up the pig food. At which point, he finally came to his senses.

He remembered his father’s household where the servants were well fed and housed and he decides that he must go back home. However he wasn’t naïve. He knew full well how he deeply he had humiliated his father and was convinced that that he would never be welcomed back into the family. In fact according to Mosaic law, a son who had dishonoured his father in such as away should be put to death by stoning. But he decides to brave it and to go and ask his father if he will take him on as a hired servant, and so begins to walk the long road back to his homeland.

Jesus then paints a picture that would have shocked his first century listeners. He said that, while the wayward son was still a long way off, the father sees him – as if he had been looking out for him – and then runs to his son and gathers him up in his arms. For a respected Jewish elder this would have been the unthinkable - they did not run but rather processed in a stately fashion. But Jesus paints a picture of a father gathering up his robes and pelting eagerly along the dusty road towards his son.

And when he reaches his offspring, the astonished son begins to gabble his pre-prepared speech ‘Father I have sinned against heaven and against you, I am no longer worthy to be called your son’. But the father hushes him up and tells his servants to bring a robe (a sign of honour), the family ring or seal, and to slaughter a fatted calf that the family would have been saving for a great occasion like a wedding.

All is forgiven and against all odds the prodigal is welcomed back, the father saying ‘Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ (Luke 15:23-24)

It is the story of one man’s journey but it is also the story of humanity as told in the great sweeping scriptural saga.

The Bible begins by telling us that, as human beings, we were created by God in his image, as his beloved children, his sons and daughters. We were created to be in relationship with God, co-heirs with Christ to eternal life in communion with our creator, but like children we proved wilful.

As a parent, God began by laying down some boundaries. He didn’t ask for much, just that we recognised our limitations and didn’t try to be like little God’s in our own right, but we thought we knew better. We craved the knowledge that would make us like God, and that disobedience and pride led to our separation from our father.

This is the fall as explained in Genesis through the story of Adam (or Man) and Eve (whose name means ‘life’ or ‘breath’), who, we are told, ate the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge and as a result were cast out of Eden and into the world, where and their descendants toiled to feed themselves.

But our Father, like the father of the prodigal son, doesn’t play by human rules. And instead of disowning his creation as we probably deserve, he left a way open to come back to him. God humbled himself, making himself nothing, being made in human likeness in the person of Jesus who opened his arms of love upon the cross for us so that we might find our way back to our father. All that we have to do is to stop running, recognise that we are running on empty and turn back.

The word repentance means, literally, to turn back. All we have to do is to recognise our need for God - and when we do he comes meet us on the road. He forgives us, opens his arms of love and joyfully embraces us - because once we were lost and now we are found.

This is the collective story of humanity as told in the Bible but it is also our story.

We all have an inheritance – not the kind that can be spent on wild living but one that lasts eternally. An inheritance of love and life in all its fullness as children of God. But if we are honest, each of us turns our back on God; at one time or another we have all believed that we can do without him. And Christians aren’t exempt from wanting to be in the driving seat and leaning on our own strength. This is the very definition of ‘sin’ and at the root of this sin is pride – the belief that we can do without our creator and father. Like the prodigal son we are effectively saying, ‘I don’t’ need you. I am in control’.

The problem is that this kind of pride is encouraged in today’s society which prizes individualism, independence and human achievement. And the world promises plenty to those who can live up to this, but it is an empty promise. It can take a lifetime for some of us to realise this and the process can be pretty painful. Some of us may even have to hit rock bottom before we accept that we can’t save ourselves. We may not suffer physical hunger but realise a spiritual hunger; a sense of emptiness and a need for meaning; a need for something more -for God.

It takes a special kind of strength to admit that we need God. The prodigal son didn’t go home to his father in a moment of weakness. It was actually a very brave decision and could have led to a very different outcome. But what Jesus wanted us to know is that God doesn’t punish us. He doesn’t even make us come to him grovelling on our hands and knees. He doesn’t turn his back on us as we deserve, instead he comes to meet us, embraces us and restores us fully as his children. All he asks is that we take one step towards him and then he will take a thousand steps towards us.

This is what Grace is - the abundant and extravagant forgiveness and love of God who - no matter how many times we run away - is there watching, waiting, hopeful that we too will turn back and take the road home.

So the question for you is this – is there anything separating you from God? If so I encourage you to turn back and offer this up to God in prayer. Because he is there just waiting to forgive and embrace you.

WEARILY

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:58:55 GMT

The running scared multitude
Now wish they did
Believe in God
For somebody to blame
For not playing the game
Calling crawlers in Thy Name.

It's all cheese talk
Among mice:
Nice is not faith
And nasty is the outcome
Of lethargy that has no name
Now greed is tired
And arranging reality
Has gone wrong.

WHEN WILL A REAL ROSE BUD

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:57:55 GMT

One finds it difficult
To live with oneself these days
And nights
Of meaningless stressfulness.

The sun shines but we must fear
Its over heating
The rains come down in torrents
But its not enough
Like money
Mistaken, for the water of Life
Cannot be metered out
For cash
Locked in a tetanus
Lockjawed we cannot speak,
Perhaps we caught it
On the thorn beneath the rose
We ravished with desire
Possession deluded
Always becomes possessed
Of the rose itself? Oh no not that
Only the dead shorn stem
The bloom blow of petals gone

CAN YOU NOT HEAR

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:56:41 GMT

The chatter of magpies in the sky
Running scared
Won't inflate that souffle that was
Windy as whether cocks in conviction
Worth nothing but airs
Thoroughly ratterling the shutters
Which stay revival shut,,,.
Sad news so monotonous it's boring awful

There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which has gone out
Not to reflood again the same:
The spirit will revive
But not return
As a twinkle of till ringing
Creation input in place of output.

BUMPING ALONG THE BOTTOM

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:55:37 GMT

Faith is meaning it will
Confidence is finding you can
Faith can be lost
But cannot fail
The other may not stay the distance

ALL CHANGE

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:54:22 GMT

This is terminal:
O such knowing nonsense
Our damned designer rationalising,
What the hell is that anyhow anyway?
Two plus two maybe do make four
But the seeds of the mystery lie
In perceiving how many make five.

Unpossessing imposition
Of desire upon itSelf:
The Shadow thrown never goes away
However fast wherever you may run
Sticking to your Achilles heel
So blindly guarded so guardedly
That tender tendon snaps continuously
Maiming your humanity

The meek might if that they can be
Inherit the Earth:
The mice will not
Sneak in squeaking
Protest demanding
Liberty to be liberteen
Equality that isn't
Fraternity that's fraud

Now we must become
Bigger in Spirit
To Be again.

UNCIVIL WAR

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:53:18 GMT

Furies fighting its Self
Reversed in the looking glass
Smashing the mirrored
Maddening reflection,
Bleeding to death
For rebirth
On broken glass
Which cannot reflect
Anymore.

NIGHTINGALE ARE YOU REALLY THERE?

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:52:20 GMT

Would the nightingale's song
Sound so lovely so forlorn,
Would it be sung at all?
Were we not there to hear,
To feel the longing
Mirrored wondrous woeful
In its singing:
A question we are bound to beg
Glad of luck to be so lonely
Solitary to hear it
Illuminate our darkness
With exquisite despair

SHUT SESAME

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:51:19 GMT

The flood of ebbing
Make-believing
Belief has gone
Stranding mudlarks
In their mire

Flapping flipping flopping
Blaming the cold moon
For sucking out the tide's
Timeless recycle of event

We await a new tide
Not old sewage
But new water to wash away
The new lamps for old
Age-old swindle
Inside Aladdin's Cave.

GOD IS

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:50:16 GMT

Waiting for us
Patient as eternity
To realise it's unconciousness
ItsSelf:
Eden run to blind bewilderness
Innocence gone
In knowing naivety or piety
Opinion without judgement
Bigotry beyond belief
Blaming the light
For being too bright
To see it's Shadow.

SHADOW BOXING

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:49:01 GMT

Is now boxing us in
Ducking and weaving
Self deceiving
Fancy footwork won't suffice
To dodge your own artifice
Goes round and round
The ring won't stop
Now the Shadows got on top
You're all alone
Who is going to ring the bell?
This is Hell
And kingdom come

EQUALITY

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:48:02 GMT

We are all equal
In the sight of God
But look what's happening
When He isn't looking!
There are Things
Better not seen or heard
By us or Him.

Not to worry
We can live equally
Upon equatations:
The Word is stored
To be recalled
Or equally to be
Ignored...
And if necessary
For greater efficiency
Erased.
But what is going to fill
The space
When we come to
Interface?

BEGOTTEN BEGETTER

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:46:30 GMT

The Miracle is YOU
ARE aware
Oh God no god just You
Just the end of the beginning
How did who begin it?

You are begotten
Of the question
You are begging

Your echo is the answer
Resounding from an eternity
You must find Your Self.

TIDELINGS

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:44:34 GMT

The tide of time
Is turning
Swirling muck
In murky waters....
Bilge swapping
Round the bottom
Of it's baseness
Marks the neap low water:
Mark it: of The Thing
Retching before reaching
The beginning of becoming....

CONSUMPTION

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:43:30 GMT

Is consuming our vitals away
Stultifying gratifying
What we hardly need
Deny the needy
Needless craving
The excess of supposed success.

Our gastronomic economics
Refuse to recognise
The refuse is our wasteline
Ringing in the deadline
Of our greed.

No sir, the nervosa
Is starving obesity:
That gaping hole
For human decency
To fill with soul.

I MUST GO TO KATMANDU JUST LOOK

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:42:27 GMT

How the trees
Do love the breeze
Shaking their luscious locks
A line of limes linking arms
In touselled greenery
Making a tumultuous crowd of gossips
Shushing whispering excitedly nodding:
As passing along the news
"We are so lissom so alive and in full bloom
Revelling glorious green in the Sun..."
Watching I too join in their fun
Knowing this moment is real...
Theirs... mine ... and One.

WHY

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:41:00 GMT

Knowledge has made them
Mean Lord!
We have debased the coinage
Of our soul's communication
Worked the fiddle too freely
And fooled ourselves.

An age of miracles has come
And gone while we looked on
Gawking and garping
Hawking but harping on
Pious in protest
But sleight of hand.

Winning is waking and watching
To find ourselves.

A FROG, HE WOULD

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:39:32 GMT

A magician mad and short of lucre
Cursed his bank manager and computer,
Who promptly croaked - into a frog
Upon a bank he only too well knows
Whereon wild datatime he grows.

There he sits full of air
Without the graces
His head filled with overdraft
And his belly with inflation,
Afrightin' newts and agitatin'
Algaie to jelly in detestation,
On full collateral he'll always insist
While wondering why he hasn't been missed?!

But malcontents without content
Do have their station:
His role or hole in life he's really found
To be a big frog
In a little pond.

FAINT.. VERY FAINT

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:37:34 GMT

Through the violence absurdity and confusion
of its engendering.. cracks of a new dawn breaking
not in blazing glory, but like the tiny tap..tap..
toapping of a newborn chick making the first cracks
in the shell of happening.

Odd easily despised obeisances to old idols
of forgotten nature.. fantasies of air: pagan twilights
of suns set seemingly for ever long ago
into the darkest night of nonbeing in mysteries unknowable...
are stirring again in the recesses of the Soul.

To bring some yet more catastrophic madness?
Or to reveal more good.. more bad.. more light
to see the worst better by.. and bye?

AND GOD SAID

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:30:19 GMT

"The time has come
For Me to be you.
That fearfully frighteningly
Means You must be Me
And take awful
Consequence: Responsibility.
Terror is abroad at the very thought
That Cannot Be:
Humans must achieve humanity.

"What you desire is come
In actuality.. awfully
To know
Where you steer, the boat will go.
The power you crave, you have,
And it has You.
What are you going to do?
Nothing's left to realise
But what's the true
In You."

IT MAY

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:26:42 GMT

It is easy to love
The world in May
When the sun shines
All the day,
When soft winds touch you face
You know life does have grace
Does keep faith
And you must wonder
In exquisite pain
How this happens
Again.... again.

WHERE SHEEP ONCE QUIETLY GRAZED

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:25:07 GMT

Along the sea grass shore
Chalets bungalows and shacks
Littered like matchboxes, flotsam stranded
Still in their staunch labels of yesteryear
Watching the sullen grey slopping sea.

As a resort it hath a tinselled lustre of a sort
But fay faded is the glory that was Mablethorpe
(who was Mabel once I thought?)
The promenade deserted by all
But wheelchairs
Perambulating bodes;
The still silent funfare's
Unfair Wheel of Fortune
Starkly stalking over all.

No Kubla Khan did this pleasure dome decree.
Did its messiah moment sometime come?
How.. where.. when was it.. ever?
I know that my redeemer liveth
..But where?

ALL THE YEARS ARE MET IN THEE

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:23:45 GMT

I knew joy last evening
And today, rolling home
With lovely Kate
It was late.. very late
We caught the last tube train
Changed, and somehow caught the last again!
Hiccup
Whose holding who up
By the way.. Tottering
Giggling arm in arm gloriously tight
Kate.. and we homeward bent
Went by the pale moonlight.

Thick but not sick I'm glad to say
Tomorrow is another lovely
But unsteady day.
Kate's my daughter
Now you see
How the joke's on you
And me.

IOU

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:21:50 GMT

The hype
That we
So furiously plug
Now somehow hollow rings
The hubris of knowing
And possessing things
Is lookin' awful fearful thin
It is our own coin
We are now dealt in.

So transparant,
Seen through but still unseen!
Mirror mirror on the wall
Whose most frightened of them all?
In this mad reflecting hall
Images upon more images fall.

Courage mon brave.. pray.. look again
Seen through your image:
Where
Room for reflection
Turns to meaning
What is true...
See just how much
I really does owe You.

WHERE E'ERE YOU WALK

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:20:22 GMT

Conformity shall crowd one into a shade
Strangling strivings for the light,
Automatic men shall accost you
With freeze dried charm,
And women whose love
Has slimmed down to desire..
Syrens wailing..
Shimmering mirages
Alluring with arid delights
And death;
Where fear starts
At its own shadow,
And stops at nothing.

THE BALL IS OVER

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:18:27 GMT

The painted palid Masque
Crumbles
Revealing, concealing. A skull:
A high dome of vacancy
Staring from sockets
That never did, and never could
See beyond the nose
Its faithless facelessness
Never had!
Silly plastic surgery
Becomes silicone again.

LE PRIX DE VIVRE

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:17:01 GMT

The trinity has run
Its relay spent,
The baton now is passed
To God's anchor Man
To run the last lap
Of honour or disaster.

To realise reality
Or plumb stupidity
And know
Whether life can Be
More than some ulterior motive
Of fame fortune or desire.

ON THE JOY OF BEING

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:15:16 GMT

IT What? That !
What is? That is!
How? Who? You? When?
Just now. What was it?
don't. Did know.
A moment ago.
Now it's gone
Where? Into the air
Here, their, everywhere
You are: But don't know it
That's the pity.

How I love it
How I miss it
When it's missing
Is it loving when it's gone?
I wonder. I despair
Must go on though it's gone
does it care? When elsewhere?
Then - from nowhere
Again: it's here!
And I lose
My fear.

HAMLET 1984

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:13:20 GMT

To be .... or to be like
Dot.. dot.. dot..dot.. dot?
That is is the answer!
Fill in your own stereotype
Pop screen or TV star
Politican.. painter.. protester
Preacher.. poet.. martyr
Tyrant or millionaire.

These are actors as I foretold you
For we are locked in seeming now
Fervently praying we Are
To God-knows-who
To die, to sleep, please not to dream,
We'll settle grateful for Oblivion.

But to Be...... surely to Be?
But who?........ Why you
Not I-but You...... That's wo
What you?........ find out
Fill in... fill up You.

You will have to listen to silence
Until it speaks. Learn again
To be suprised by a mere feeling
Coax nurture this seed of nothing seeming
Water with every drop of possibility
That's in You. Some will be tears,
But tend and it will grow
Into a bloom
Of meaning shining:
The rest is no longer silence.

AQUARIUS IS HERE!

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:07:19 GMT

Truth is dead:
Long live Meaning
We do not possess
That which Is
Possesses Us.
When we Realise
That's all we are
Then We can Be
All we are!
Being is all:
It is enough
And far more.

AQUARIUS

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:05:37 GMT

Not to know IT ... but to Be IT
That is the answer:
To cross that frightful chasm
Between understanding... and Realising
On the string bridge of belief
In your Self - in no one,
No rituals or relics else but You.
Ego really becomes You then,
The pain remains... sweet,
The agony is over.

LOOKING GLASS CREATURES

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:04:18 GMT

We thought God was going, going, gone
Whereas He's coming, coming...
Becoming Us.
Like Alice We will
Step through the Looking Glass
Into Meaning we had thought illusion.
Reflection will Become Real
When We look back.
The Dream is: the waking state is not
Turning knowledge in to Meaning
So we can at last Become.

The Sages of The East
Have always understood,
But then could only stand
Watching eternal folly
Forever unfolding.
they saw: but We dared Do
The unthinkable
Scale the impossible...
Descend into The Thousand Things
To gain a barren plateau
Lush with goodies without Spirit
Causes without end.

BABBLE

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 18:17:30 GMT

The confusion of tongues is growing
Growing, groaning, growling howling
At its own bloodletting:
The rational has become rabid with fear
At its own face, at every mirror
Seen advancing, at back front on all sides
Its own savage soul
Disappearing up its own backside.

Yet not escaping the shadow
Insatiable self fury revealed
Realisd, accepting perhaps at last
Its own true awefulness for what it is:
You me we, not them: that other
Who always bears the blame for not Being.

I don't know what you mean.
You can't possible mean me?
I? We? Little Me? Little, little Me?
Can't be...; Surely?
God forgive me.

SEACHANGE

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 18:13:26 GMT

You are the only truth
One needs to know
But never can
Because it is the one that does
Crest the storm of Being.
Ego is but he figurehead,
Your carved and guilded totem
Of hope against fear
Forced to nose all the seas,
Dip into desparate troughs
Mount each heady swell,
Cruch through splintering breakers
Mountains high, you're sure
You'll not survive.

But you do somehow, creaking, soaking
Surprised? Just long enough to glimpse
The next: you wished you hadn't
To reach a a calm you had forgotten
Could everbe, or later
Ever was.

The prow cracked, intact - the figurehead
Contrite, and you're still there..
But where... must remain
A sense of you
That's true
Beyond our knowing.

PLUMES AND TEARS

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 18:12:10 GMT

The time has come when willynilly
We must be
US:
Not the latest fashion illusion,
Cramming those frightful
Frightening hats upon ourselves:
Squeezing our ugliness into
The glass slipper of Success:
Look - it fits, it fits
Its agony, but it fits:
So help me it must fit
The more it maims me
Time is chiming now
For poor old Cinders -
Quick- pluck the ostrich of its plumes
Forour Pompe Funebre:
His head is in the sand,
And our is up our arse,
He can't see: we won't look,
And swear no one can see.

Kill the crockodile
For my old bag,
Those tears now are
Making all the mascara run,
Come, come, disguise
The naked nastiness of me:
I won't, shan't, will not see!

ULTIMATUM

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 17:36:34 GMT

We are God's final gamble,
The dice even HE could only throw,
When all the chips of change and chance are down,
And risk the fate of dinosaurs
On can they learn
What can't be told.

All the cunning of abuse they've found
Confounds them in the end,
And is the end - unless
They grasp my comprehension
Can only Do,
My compassion is nothing
But Being.

That We must See
For our God
Of Love
Is blind

PENULTIMATUM

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 17:34:20 GMT

God is IT
And It is God,
Omni-everything and yet unknowing,
Unfeeling creator of His last creation.
ECCE HOMO - devestatingly endowed now
With all his selfconfounding
Selfconfusing, selfindulging Power
To Be MAN - utterly Human:
Love only because he can hate
Have compassion only because he can be cruel
Live completely only because he can die.

At last, God destined, God determined
To be Humankind - or else!
That's the joke
And you had better laugh
Or else you'll scream.

IT

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 17:32:49 GMT

We have forgotten
How to listen
To the still small voice
Of the World,
Still and small because
We can hardly hear now.
Once we prayed to IT
Buddha called IT
The roaring silence
Because it rings
For a few, a very few.
The Chinese Ancients called IT
Tao: that which exists
Of Itself from the beginning.

To sense this
Is to be alive,
To be touched by IT
Is genius,
To reflect IT
Is art.

NOW

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 17:29:51 GMT

To say what is the matter now
Every one knows, and doesn't know
And fears to know they know
The full horrible wonder
Of themselves - and accept
The whole despicable span of nature
Which is Us.

The earth is a killing ground
Eat or be eaten - is the Fact.
Godlike energy for life is bursting
Through the supposedly gentle
Sentimental mish mash of morality.
That spurious gentility which kills
While smiling, even praying, caring...
Concerning...which are but words..
Breath on the air.

We are in a shriving time
Of transfiguration,
Purging our elaborate persona
Of assumptions, pretentions, predictions
Beyond all our dreamt
And undreamt of imaginings.

Old famines, new plagues rear before sciences
We thought had banned them
Securely sealed for germ warfare
Only we could declare.
Who holds the other key
To the Gates of Chaos we should have shut forever?
Is it turning in the lock?

We have dispensed with God
But not the Devil
He still believes in Us!

LARKLAND

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 17:28:27 GMT

The sweetest moment of the night
Is nearing to the day,
Never knowing, never telling
When light begins again.
Exquisite wonder drinks the warm still silence
Of the night around the moon serene
Before the stealing tinge of day.

Larks twitter for the light
Readying to rise sky high
Meet the dawn and sing
Above a still dark earth
Where, heavy with sleep
Hedges cattle stand
To pale into existance..
Whisps of fear fancy fogotten things evaporate,
The wind of dawning stirs the foliage of dreams:
High, high, faint far away
A lark trills.

Day is on its way
But when, exactly when
Did the dawning of Aquarius
Begin?

AGAIN I ASK...

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 17:24:02 GMT

What do I seek?
Am I still hoping, looking
Through those chinks of time seul.
Narrower, infrequenter they flash
Across my conscious sated
With things, busy doings,
Empty antics - vital matters
That do not matter; to the larger world
I have often glimpsed, but cannot grasp.
What must I do to inherit eternal life?
Seems to be the parody of my plea.
I have so much, been so happy -
Must it all go for vision?
Is this the price?
For that is what I crave..
Not plot, not subject, not experience
But sight. To see as I have seen
Constantly, in the other world
Of larger meanings, where even
The meanest, dullest, tiny small
Tick of time glows
With its ultimate significance.
I feel like Wordsworth's boy;
Not yet enclosed - but nearly.
Wry smile, old hat, long ago;
That is old, but this is now,
Today's empty day.
Yet it can be see, for I have seen it.
What must I do to inherit eternal life?
Must I step out of life, to see it?
Of the world I may be, but I have seen
Pristine sights of truthfulness
Which leave one spellbound,
Never to be satisfied again
With what is merely.
To throw my all
Of everyday, away, I cannot.
I lack not courage, but conviction:
Give all thou has to the poor
May lead a saint to heaven
But not a poet to his inspiration.

OH MY LOVE

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 17:20:33 GMT

There is a youth and glory
In the air: no longer
Do I live for me alone
I am complete at last:
My other half has come
And we are two;
The Spring is here
To match our happiness
A newer Spring, a truer Spring
Than I have ever known.

Before, at one remove
I saw it all - the stuff
That made the poets sing.
But now for her and me
It's all real, new,
Fresh and true
As it can ever be.

Life wears a glow for us
Glorious and everyday;
The littlest thing can wear a halo now,
Reflecting back the joy
We see in it.
Every year and never again,
Fresh as the leaves that blow
This morning on the chestnut tree;
Old chestnut, now love , new leaves
Glistening with birth,
Miracle and realisation.

That ordinary old every year tale
Is telling now from tree to tree
And flower to flower
Evening and morning finds a
New old tale told -
That's only hackneyed to those
Who haven't heard it!

Wishing you a wonder-filled Christmas

Tue, 24 Dec 2019 14:38:15 GMT

The Power of Uncertainty

Sun, 01 Dec 2019 21:18:47 GMT

Advent and the art of waiting

How good are you at dealing with uncertainty? I don’t know about you but I’m not always that good at it. I always want to know what is going to happen, to be able to plan. It is just how I am wired.

I know this because many years ago I answered an MBTI or Myers-Briggs questionnaire. The MBTI was created by an American psychologist called Katherine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isobel Briggs-Meyer back in the 1940s.

Briggs was inspired to research personality type theory when she met Isabel’s future husband, Clarence Myers, who had a very different way of seeing the world. Intrigued, she start looking into different temperaments. She and her daugther believed that if people understood each other better, they’d work together better and there’d be less conflict; that the post-war world could be a better place.

During her research, she came across Psychological Types by the Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung. She realised that that Jung's theories could help people understand to their's and other people’s psychological type and developed the MBTI assessment tool which is now widely used in workplaces across the globe.

The MBTI helps you to understand where you sit along a spectrum of different personality factors ad how you make decisions – and one part of the tool is particularly relevant to Advent as it indicates how well you deal with uncertainty.

At the one end of the spectrum are those people who are very happy not knowing what exactly the future may hold and when things are going to happen. These are people who actually enjoy uncertainty and very often don’t want to pin things preferring to see what emerges. At the other end of the spectrum are those who want to know exactly what the future is going to hold. These are life’s natural planners, who want to know exactly where they are heading and how they are going to get there.

Perhaps you already have an idea where you sit along the spectrum – I must admit I am a bit of a planner. And for people who tend towards being planners there are aspects of Advent that can be challenging.

Before his ascension, Jesus told the disciples that he would come again; that there will be a second Christ mass, when at the end of time as we know it, the Son of Man will come on clouds, every eye will see him and he will make all things new. Isaiah tells us that on this day Jesus will settle things fairly between nations. He will make things right between many peoples and we will turn our swords into shovels, and our spears into pruning hooks. Nation will no more fight nation and we will come together in unity in Christ.

It sounds so wonderful doesn’t it? It is the hope that we all have in Christ, the promise of the Kingdom to come; when earth will be restored to how God always intended it to be and tears will be no more. But there is one passage in the Bible about this promise that is rather surprising, because it says that not even Jesus himself knows when he will return. Matthew 24:36 records Jesus saying ‘But about that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.’ It seems as if God decided to keep this one bit of information close to his chest so only he knows the mystery of when his full plan for mankind will unfold.

But doesn’t something this momentous sound like the kind of thing that we want to plan for? Jesus certainly thought so and the Bible provides quite a wake up call. John the Baptist, for example, warned that Jesus will come with a winnowing fork in his hand, and he will separate the wheat and the chaff, gathering the wheat into his barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire. And Matthew Chapter 25 records Jesus saying that when the Son of Man comes in his glory, all nations will be gathered before his throne and he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will divide mankind into those who will be saved and those who won’t.

According to gospel of Matthew, the arrival of the Son of Man will take place in times like Noah’s. Before the great flood everyone was carrying on as usual, having a good time right up to the day Noah boarded the ark. They knew nothing—until the flood hit and swept everything away. And Matthew 24: 39-41 tell us,’ so too will be the coming of the Son of Man.Then two will be in the field; one will be taken and one will be left. Two women will be grinding meal together; one will be taken and one will be left.’

It’s not a prospect I suspect many of us like thinking about. In fact the implications of the second coming are one of those inconvenient truths that many churches like to scoot around. And there is an increasing Universalist tendency to want to believe that every person on earth, if they are right in heart, will be taken into the Kingdom at the end of time.

But Jesus made it very clear that he is the way, the truth and the life and that that this way is narrow. And as result some ardent planners have taken their rather literal interpretation of this scripture s to extremes. America in particular seems to have produced a number of dangerous Doomsday cults with an obsession about the idea of the ‘rapture’ and preparing for being taken up at the end of time. And there have been many attempts over the centuries to try and pin down the date for when this will happen – some trying to crack what they call the Bible code – in the belief that the date when the second coming will take place is buried somewhere in Scripture. But all these misguided attempts rather miss the point.

God didn’t make known the date on which his son would return for good reason. He has given us amazing certainty to hold onto; his promise that if we are in Christ we are in him - that through the death and resurrection of his son we have attained eternal life. All we have to do is focus on and believe in him. Our sins are forgiven. But he hasn’t given us a deadline because he knows that if he did all too many of us would wait until the last minute.

There is power in uncertainty. It keeps us on our toes. It keeps us watchful and alert. Jesus likens us to the owner of home, who needs to say awake to prevent a thief breaking into his house and steals what he owns. And the thief, of course, is the devil.

Some churches don’t like thinking about the devil. It all seems a bit too supernatural but the greatest trick the Devil ever played is convincing us that he doesn’t exist. He distracts us with the ways of the world. He leads us to believe that what’s really important is our preparations for our earthly life; getting as comfortable as possible in the here and now, making sure that we earn enough money, climb the career ladder, have a nice house and car, that we are happy here for our short span on earth.

Meanwhile the clock is ticking. And one day - when we are so busy getting on with our lives that we forgotten all about Jesus return- he will come again which is why he tells us ‘Prepare, be ready, because the son of man is coming at an unexpected hour’ (Matt: 24:44).

So how do we prepare ourselves for his coming? Whether we are planners or people who are comfortable with uncertainty, we all need to be truly awake and alert. We must make sure we aren’t living our lives on auto pilot but instead live in anticipation and expectation. There is a wonderful saying by the theologian Henri Nouwen who says that a waiting person is a patient person; they’re willing to sit out the situation in the hope that something will reveal itself there. It’s about living or lives in watchfulness.

At the moment we are waiting for Christmas. On Advent Sunday we light a candle to symbolize the beginning of this period of waiting for the first Christmas. The youngest among us are now waiting and watching out for Santa Claus to land his reindeer on roofs throughout the land. But those of us who are a bit older are hopefully waiting to celebrate again that amazing moment where God came into the world - when he became Emmanuel.

There’s much we can learn from this time of Advent. This is a profound time of waiting and wonder. But it is only a month out of the year and, once we have packed up the Christmas decorations, it is very easy to forget how we felt at this time. Our whole lives, however, should be times of waiting for the second coming of Christ. So I invite you to reflect on what you can take away from this time of waiting and preparation and bring into your everyday life, 365 days a year.

When I was a child, I had a beautiful Advent calendar that came out every year. There was no chocolate involved but behind each little door was an image from the nativity. In early December the doors revealed Mary on a donkey, then shepherds and angels and finally, on December 25th, the image of Jesus in a manger - God in human flesh. I loved that calendar and the feeling that every time I opened a door, Jesus was coming a little nearer.

So what if we took that sense of anticipation that comes as we count down the days of Christmas and brought it into every day of our life? What if we treated our Bible like an Advent calendar and began every day opening up God’s word, eager to see what we find there? What if we were to begin each day eager to see what he the living Christ who dwells in us will do in our lives today?

What if we were to live our lives like we do at Advent? Watching, waiting in awe and wonder for the second coming, when the Son of Man will come again in glory to be with us once again and to make all things new. Jesus Christ, Emmanuel, God with us.

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk, kooroong.com and Amazon worldwide. Her recent TV series Living a Transformed Life can be viewed on demand on www.tbnuk.org or at www.katenicholas.co.uk .

What do the Bible, 'Hunger Games' and '50 Shades of Gray' have in common?

Sun, 27 Oct 2019 17:13:34 GMT

As it's Bible Sunday, I have been looking into some little known facts about the Scriptures. Did you know, for example, that over 100 million copies of the Bible are sold worldwide every year. In fact it is the bestselling book of all time with total sales exceeding 5 billion. It is also the most commonly stolen book in the world – largely thanks to the Gideons who kindly put around two million Bibles into hotel rooms and hospital bedside cabinets, and the fact that so many of our places of worship are largely kept open.

I must admit I am a bit of a collector of Bibles. At the latest count I have around twenty (all bought not stolen I might add) ranging from the standard NSRV found in Church of England pews to the contemporary English version The Message. I have lots of youth bibles including a super one produced by my publisher Authentic Media and one of my favourites, the Poverty and Justice Bible which highlights all the passages focusing on God’s justice and love for the poor.

I picked this one up when I joined the G20 Put People First march in 2009. At the initial service at the Methodist Central Hall in Westminster, the leader held up a rather mauled copy of the Bible made up of little more than a spine and a couple of pages. He had taken out all the pages that related to what God had to say about poverty and injustice and that was all that was left.

My absolute favourite though is a rather funky New Living Translation in a chunky metal cover complete with a coke-can style ring pull and the word ‘thirsty’. It was the first Bible that I bought as an adult. At the time I was working in the media and felt a bit embarrassed about my burgeoning obsession with Jesus (my fellow journalists tended to be very skeptical and dismissed Christians as a bit soft in the head). So I bought this camouflaged copy so that I could read it on my commute to, and at, work without giving myself away as a ‘God-botherer’.

One evening when I was sitting reading on the train home, a very large punk covered in piercings came and sat opposite me. She was fairly spectacular and kept on staring at me which began to make me rather nervous. As we drew into Tring she got up and loomed over me. I was rather alarmed and unsure what would happen next when she said to me ‘I’ve got that one. It’s great aint it?’

God taught me an important lesson that day. Of course these days I would have just used a Bible app on my phone or Kindle. Another little known fact - the Crossway Bible is the top highlighted book on Kindle followed by Steve Jobs by Jacob Issacson and the Hunger Games

The Bible is available in just about every form you can imagine. It has been translated into 532 languages and there are even Minecraft, Lego and Manga Bibles.

So there really are no excuses for not reading the Bible are there? We live in a country where there are no restrictions on religious freedom. We can go into any bookshop or go online to access God’s word but in some countries of the world just owning a Bible can land you in jail or worse.

Another little known fact - what does the Bible have in common with the porn fiction title 50 Shades of Gray? It is one of the top 10 most banned books in the world. In North Korea, if you are found with a Bible you will face imprisonment, torture or even death. It illegal to take a Bible to the beautiful holiday islands of the Maldives or an Arabic translation to into Morocco or Libya. But this doesn’t stop ardent Bible hunters.

During the height of the oppression against Christians, foreign missionaries would risk their lives to smuggle bibles into the country, and locals would then risk the most terrible punishments to distribute the Bibles to those who needed them. In fact our vicar’s wife was one of those who smuggled Bibles from Hong Kong into mainland China.

So why do so many people risk their lives for this book? There’s no doubt it’s a great read, made up of stories of fantastic and failed individuals, battles and miracles, but people generally aren’t willing to risk their lives for a page turner. The sheer fact that so many are willing to lay their lives on the line to read it, is proof that this is no ordinary book.

In his second letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul writes ‘All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness’ (3:16). We know that the Bible is written by human authors. In fact it is made up of sixty six books written by a variety of writers over the past 1,500 years from Moses to the Paul. And it is made up of a wide variety of types of writing from history books to apocalyptic visions, poetry and song to wisdom literature. But all have one thing in common - they are God-breathed or inspired.

It may have been humans who picked up pen or the quill, but the words of the Bible are inspired by God. This does not mean that every word of the Bible must be taken literally. It is important to recognize that while the writers of the Bible were inspired by God he didn’t get them to take dictation. Instead they had to find ways to interpret revealed truths that are beyond our human understanding in the best way they could. The result is a revelation of God’s blueprint for humanity from the creation of the universe in Genesis to the end of the world as we know it in Revelation.

In Hebrews, Paul also writes that ‘the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of the soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart’ (4:12). God’s word is dabar or creative; it is living and active. In Isaiah we read that

‘As the rain and snow

Come down from heaven

And do not return to it

Without water the earth

And making it bud and flourish

So that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater

So is my word that goes out from my mouth

It will not return to me empty

But will accomplish what I desire.’ (Isaiah 55:10-11)

God’s word has been speaking into lives over centuries, transforming them in more ways than we can ever imagine. And words written 1,500 years ago often have startling relevance for our lives today – providing the guidance, challenge and comfort we need. It is important to understand the context in which these words were written, but truths of the Bible are timeless and often speak to us in an amazingly personal way.

One of the other words used to describe God’s word is the Greek logos which means nothing less than ‘the mind of God’. It is also the word that John used to describe Jesus. When we read God’s word we see the ordering principle behind the universe and his love for humanity. It is a book that literally gives us the meaning of life.

So why is it that so many of us find it hard to engage with the Bible regularly?

I once read a story about a young couple who had gone on their honeymoon and due to a flight delay arrived at the hotel in the early hours of the morning. The night manager gave them a key to a box room with a single bed. They were so tired they decided just to suck it up but in the morning complained.

The day manager who had just come on duty accompanied them upstairs and asked if they had noticed the double doors which the couple had assumed was a wardrobe. He opened them to reveal a sumptuous room complete four poster bed, a balcony with a sea view, flowers and champagne on ice. They had spent the night in the lobby – not realizing what lay within.

It came be the same with our Bibles. There is an old Chinese saying that a book unopened is just a block of paper. A Bible unopened though is a tragedy. All too often we pray to the Lord, give us this day our daily bread – our spiritual food – without recognizing the food that lies in front of us in the form of his word – the living logos. We dip in and out of this sacred book without appreciating the full mystery that is unfolding before our eyes.

So on this Bible Sunday why not commit to getting to know the Bible better.

It doesn’t matter where you start – you may decide to read the whole Bible bit by bit over the next year. Or you may decide to get to know the Gospels or Psalms better. You might decide deepen your understanding by reading commentaries. You could may choose to spend time with God’s word at the beginning of the day or the end – or to do what I did and read on the train to work. You might decide to read one of the new translations or to get an app on your phone. It really doesn’t matter. The important thing is that we make God’s living word a critical part of our daily lives.

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk , kooroong.com and Amazon worldwide. Her recent TV series Living a Transformed Life can be viewed on demand on www.tbnuk.org or at www.katenicholas.co.uk .

Wrestling with God's call

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 18:38:19 GMT

After a period of intense prayer and some angst, I have made the very difficult decision not to take up my place for training at Ripon College Cuddesden in a couple of weeks’ time.

It is important to say that my calling to serve in the Church remains undiminished and my faith in Christ is still driving force of my life. But over the past couple of months a whole range of factors and have converged, bring me to a standstill and forcing me to look again at the nature of that calling.

This has been far from an easy process. I thought I know what God wanted me to do with the rest of my life, and I have felt great comfort in this certainty. But at the eleventh hour, God has stopped me in my tracks and forced me to listen to him anew. And after a great deal of prayer and reflection, I am now coming to terms with the fact that my desire to train for ordination may have been a misplaced response to God’s mercy in healing me from advanced cancer.

Looking back I can see that, when against all odds I was healed, I was so grateful that I think I would have joined a convent,if I could as a gesture of gratitude! But as I couldn’t really become a nun, being a priest seemed to be the most wholehearted commitment I could make. But what God actually said to me was ‘I will not die but will live and declare the works of the Lord’ (Psalm 118:17). He has planted in my heart a passion for preaching, teaching and evangelism – and for this you do not have to be ordained.

The Diocese is being wonderfully supportive and has given me time to reflect afresh on exactly what that call looks like, and whether it might be better fulfilled by deepening and broadening my lay ministry. So I now ‘sail in uncharted waters’, as I seek his guidance anew as to how I might use the life he has restored to me to his glory.

Prayers appreciated!

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk , kooroong.com and Amazon worldwide. Her recent TV series Living a Transformed Life can be viewed on demand on www.tbnuk.org or at www.katenicholas.co.uk .

Swimming Pool Theology

Thu, 22 Aug 2019 02:00:38 GMT

Thoughts from the slow lane

As I did my laps this morning in the swimming pool near my mother-in-law’s house in Canberra, I found myself pondering on the nature of God.

It was a beautiful morning. We had driven through the early morning sunshine, through clouds of brilliant white cockatoos and pink breasted galahs, and by the time we arrived at the pool, the brilliant winter Australian sunlight was shining through the windows onto the Olympic sized pool. As I dived beneath the water, slivers of light flickered on the turquoise floor of the pool, like illuminated ripples on a pond.

As I moved beneath the surface, I felt as if I had entered another world, silent and still, in which I flew like a bird suspended by water. As I rose for air, I felt a yearning for the glorious peace and beauty of the world below. And what applies in the sanitised environment of a swimming pool is magnified a hundred fold in the seas around this amazing country, where you can gaze on the alien life forms of the Barrier Reef and the colourful diversity of God’s underwater world.

I once heard that we know more about the make-up and surface of the moon than we do about the deepest reaches of our oceans. The world beneath the water is as mysterious as the nature our creator who exists outside of space and time, beyond the boundaries of our limited understanding. And when we surrender ourselves to the water, it can take us out of the daily round and enable us to see things from another perspective.

So this morning I thought I would share a couple of the thoughts that came to me as I swam.

1. Swimming can be a wonderful form of prayer. If you allow it, swimming laps is a wonderful way of clearing your mind of all the thoughts that tend to crowd out the voice of God. There is something wonderfully meditative about the rhythm of moving through the water, and after a while, though in motion, it is easier to be still and know that he is God.

2. Water is such an important symbol in scripture, representing not only purification, but also the Holy Spirit. In the gospels Jesus refers to the Spirit as living water saying,’Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them”. (John 7:37-39). The act of being in water, reminds of the all-encompassing power of the Holy Spirit, both within us and without us. As we walk the earth, we so often stumble, but in water, it is as if we are held by the arms of God. The natural laws that limit us on earth are suspended, as we move through the water, buoyed and carried by a force greater than us.

3. What I am going to say now does not apply to doggy paddlers who are determined to keep their heads above water. I used to be a determined doggy paddler, but a few years ago my husband bought me a pair of prescription goggles and now when I breast stroke I am able to move beneath and see through the water. It is such a gift. I feel that as I dive beneath the water and resurface for air that I am moving between two worlds; the world in which I habitually move and breathe, and another in which the natural laws of gravity no longer apply. And as I move between the two it reminds me that, as Christians we live in two Kingdoms, the worldly realm in which our desires dominate, and the Kingdom of God. And that our daily lives resemble the path of the swimmer, who longs to dwell beneath water of God’s Kingdom but, as a mere mortal, is forced to return again and again to the world above . . . . until the day that we draw our last breath and are able to dwell is his kingdom forever.

So suggest you get out your swimmers and goggles and make time to listen in this way to the still small voice of God.

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and online at eden.co.uk, kooroong.com and Amazon worldwide. Her recent TV series Living a Transformed Life can be viewed on demand on www.tbnuk.org or at www.katenicholas.co.uk .

Peter's choice

Sun, 30 Jun 2019 18:02:51 GMT

The most profound question we will ever be asked

There are so many choices in modern life aren’t’ there? Every day advertising bombards us with choices between everything from new cars to breakfast cereals. Even buying a coffee these days is a complex business requiring us to navigate our way between decaff soya macchiatos and green tea matcha lattes. The luxury of choice is seen as one of the benefits of living in a relatively affluent society.

It is also seen one of the benefits of living in a democracy; a society where, as individuals, we have the chance to choose between leaders and even our alliances.

In some parts of the world, at least, the idea of choice is deeply ingrained and as Christians our understanding of God includes the fact that he has given us free will. Our God is not a dictator who demands our unfailing loyalty, but a loving father who gives us choices. He wants to be in relationship with us, but will not coerce us into loving him. Rather he wants us to reach deep down into our souls, and willingly make the choice to turn to him.

God’s free will was made wonderfully manifest in the person of Jesus Christ, who came to earth not as an authoritarian leader but as a humble wandering rabbi who knew that, as he sowed the seeds of the gospel, many of his teachings would fall on hard ground.

The reality is that Jesus never goes in for the hard sell, but instead gives us a series of choices. Did you know that there are 150 questions in the gospels? These question are some of the most profound ever asked of humanity; and of these question the most critical is the one that Jesus asked of Peter near the end of his ministry: ‘Who do you say I am?’ (Matt.16:15)

It was this question on which the future of the Christ’s church on earth would turn. Matthew tells us that Jesus asked this question of Peter nearly three years’ into his ministry. Peter and the other disciples had travelled with Jesus throughout Judea and Samaria, listening to his public teaching, witnessing his miracles with intimate access to Jesus and his divine wisdom.

Throughout the country rumours had spread about this miracle working rabbi and there was much speculation and many theories as to who he actually was. Matthew records Jesus asking the disciples ‘Who do people say the Son of Man is?’’ to which they replied ‘Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.’ (Matt.16:13-14

There were many competing voices; the voices of the establishment including not only the Pharisees and the Sadducees but also the Romans, with their God of war, who had conquered the known world. There were also those who sought to overthrow the establishment such as the Zealots. Each had their own view of who Jesus was, and some of these views were very influential.

But Jesus was not interested in who others said he was. Standing in front of Peter, he asked him ‘But what about you? ‘Who do you say I am?’ And Peter answered ’You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.’ (v15-16)

Peter made a choice; a choice not to listen to the dogmatic voices of authority, or to the babble of the crowds; a choice not to listen to the many who rejected Christ, but to listen instead to the still voice of God - the voice from heaven that Jesus says could only have revealed this great truth.

It was a bold choice and it would soon become clear that it was one with implications. When Jesus was arrested only a short while later in Jerusalem, Peter became so aware of the dangerous implications of his choice that he temporarily faltered. And after Jesus’s death, Peter would eventually be martyred in his name. But he would also become the rock on which Jesus’s church on earth is built.

We worship today because of the choice that Peter made when faced with Jesus’s question. He made the choice to believe, and to commit, whatever the implications. And Jesus’s question rings down through the centuries, as he continues to ask each and every one of us ‘Who do you say I am?’ Each and every one of us is asked to make a choice.

We still make this choice against the background of clamoring voices; the voices of ardent secularists who would ridicule anyone who chose to believe that Jesus was anything more than a wise teacher; the voices of materialists who see the whole questions as completely irrelevant in a consumerist society and even the voices of some in the church who would deny the fact of the resurrection.

It is all too easy to be swayed by a society who sees belief as at best as quaint and at worst as dangerous. It would be all too easy to hedge our bets but Jesus doesn’t allow us that luxury.

Jesus asked questions because they force us to have an opinion, they do not allow us to sit on the fence. And he asks us ‘Who do you say I am?’ Forcing us to take responsibility for our faith.

The writer and theologian C.S. Lewis one famously wrote that he wanted to prevent people making the foolish statements about Jesus being just a wise human teacher. He claimed that Jesus’s statement that he was the son of God was so outrageous that he can never be dismissed a great moral teacher. We have to decide if he was mad, bad or was telling the truth. As Lewis points out Jesus knew what he was doing, and that he was forcing us to make a decision.

Faced with Jesus’s claim, all of us must make a choice. Because if Jesus’s claim is true it is the most important truth ever imparted to mankind. If false it is of no relevance but what it cannot be is ‘moderately important’.

We have to make a choice, and that choice will come with implications. Thankfully we are never likely to face the trials that Peter faced for his beliefs. But being a Christian, always has and always will make demands of us and we will have to continue making choices day in day out.

As we live our lives as Christians, we will have to choose seem foolish in the eyes of world. We will have to choose the path of righteousness rather than convenience, to choose to forgive when forgiveness seems too hard and choose to love when it seems humanly impossible.

The choice to be a Christian is not an easy one. It is not a one time commitment but a lifetime journey in which we continue to be challenged and faced with difficult choices, and in which Jesus will ask us again and again’ Who do you say I am?’

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide. Her TV show Living a Transformed Life can be watched online at www.katenicholas.co.uk

The Generosity Gene: is giving a God-given instinct?

Mon, 27 May 2019 18:29:44 GMT

The little girl in the photo above is called Sreyleak and she lives near Siam Reap in Cambodia. I have never met Sreyleak but I have had a connection with her since she was about five years old through a charity concept called child sponsorship.

For the past eight years, Sreyleak and I have been writing to each other sharing hopes and dreams and now I am sending her this personalized journal in this picture – the latest idea that the charity World Vision have come up with to keep this connection alive.

No matter how perilous my financial situation might become, I could never imagine severing the connection with this child who lives half way around the world. Given my roller coaster career (my husband says I never make a career move unless it involves a pay cut) I have in the past had to reluctantly scale back direct debits to the different charities but have never touched the regular monthly payment that I make to the charity who fund services in Sreyleak’s community. So why is that?

Apparently it is all about the connection. I recently watched a brilliant TED talk by happiness researcher Eileen Dunn about the fact that giving makes us happy but it matters how we do it. Dunn proposes that giving is a basic human instinct but that this instinct is only triggered by a sense of connection.

She bases this theory on extensive research which shows that people are most generous when they feel a connection with the recipient of their largess. She points in particular to a Canadian scheme which encourages groups of donors to sponsor refugee families’ move to, and settlement in, Canada. The scheme could work on a purely financial basis but in reality donors inevitably seem to end up with quite profound connection with their new neighbours - so much so that they are often seen as extended family. It seems that generosity and connection are part of the same human instinct.

This should hardly come as a surprise given what we know of the nature of God through the person of Jesus Christ. God’s generosity towards his creation was so great that he took the form of mankind in order to connect with and save us from ourselves.

The price he paid was so very high but throughout all of his time on earth, his ministry was all about connection. He constantly sought to reach out to make connection with the forgotten, the forsaken, the neglected and the despised, pouring out his grace in abundance. When others would turn away, he would reach out and touch the leper, the prostitute and the rejected of society. Finally he gave of himself in an act of generosity so terrible that we can never, ever be grateful enough.

God tells us that we are made in his own image. Nothing we can do will ever come close to Jesus’s great act of generosity and, although our own giving can only ever be a pale imitation, it seems that we are also hard wired to reach out and to create connection with other human beings, and to give something of ourselves to others. And that, in doing so, we are also ultimately connecting with our God. For as Jesus told his disciples, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matt 25:45).

Check out Eileen Dunn’s TED talk at https://www.ted.com/speakers/elizabeth_dunn

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide. Her recent TV series Living a Transformed Life can be viewed on demand on www.tbnuk.org or at www.katenicholas.co.uk .

The Fickle Crowd

Sun, 14 Apr 2019 10:55:13 GMT

The lessons of Palm Sunday for the twenty first century

Every Palm Sunday in my local town of Olney, our congregation commemorates Jesus’s triumphal entrance into Jerusalem, by parading in the town singing songs of praise - an act of uncommon witness in a town where faith tends to be expressed more discreetly within church walls.

My kids always loved this day – particularly because we used to be accompanied by a real live donkey. To be honest, I think the donkey was more of a draw than the worship, but Jesus’s choice of mount was very important to this story as it was a direct fulfilment of the Old Testament prophecy from Zechariah:

‘See your king comes to you

Gentle and riding on a donkey.

On a colt the foal of a donkey.’ (Zech 9:9)

In Luke we are told that Jesus specifically sought out a colt, the foal of a donkey for his entry into the holy city – and the crowd would not have missed the significance of this action.

I am not sure what happened to Olney’s donkey - it hasn’t accompanied us for the last few years - but even without the donkey our Palm Sunday remembrance is an exuberant event.

As we parade, I can almost imagine the excitement of the people of the Jerusalem. They had heard so much about this man Jesus, who had been preaching around the surrounding countryside and performing such miracles - giving the blind their sight, the deaf their hearing, the lame, mobility - and was even rumoured to have raised his friend Lazarus from the dead.

Everyone was desperate to get a glimpse of this man who some were saying was the long awaited Messiah. Certainly he fulfilled some of the key criteria. He was reportedly the illegitimate offspring of a young teenager who claimed to be a virgin (as Isaiah prophesied). He was born in Bethlehem (as predicted by Micah) and was from the line of David (as prophesied again in Isaiah). He had also openly linked his own ministry to Isaiah’s prophesy that the Messiah would:

‘Preach the good news to the poor

Proclaim freedom for prisoners

Recovery the sight of the blind

Release the oppressed

And proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour.’ (Isaiah 61:6)

. . . And of course there was that donkey.

So it was no wonder that the crowds turned out in such force and what they shouted that day was really significant.

The Bible records that the crowds shouted Hosanna - an acclamation of praise more usually reserved for God. Hosanna is a liturgical word and in the Old Testament usually appears in relation to prayers for salvation and help from the Lord. And on that day the crowd shouted ‘Hosanna to the Son of David’ – a reference to that prophecy that the Messiah would come from the line of David. It was a time of great expectation and excitement.

At that moment the mob were carried up in a wave of enthusiasm and were willing to believe that this was indeed the promised Messiah, sent to restore the Kingdom of Israel. But therein lies the rub – because this restoration meant different things to different people. And while the crowd may have been caught up in the fervour of the moment, some may have been excited for the wrong reasons.

Old Testament prophecies indicated that the Messiah would be to destroy Israel’s enemies, restore the kingdom of Israel, extend it over the whole world and, in a final battle, the enemies of God will be destroyed.

Some wished the Messiah to pursue violent military goals in order to overthrow the Romans Empire and to reestablish the kingdom of Israel – and so widespread was this belief that Jesus even had a zealot within his own ranks who would go on to betray him. So Jesus’s choice of mount was very significant. While it fulfilled Zechariah’s prophecy, it also confounded a lot of the expectations that people had of the Messiah.

Kings usually went into battle on strong horses, but instead Jesus road a ‘lowly donkey’, an animal constitutionally unfit for battle and a traditional symbol of peace. In amidst all the excitement, you can imagine some of the more fervent zealots beginning to have second thoughts; to feel let down that Jesus wasn’t the expected battle leader.

But of course Jesus already knew all this. Having entered Jerusalem, he had gone to the temple, and in fury had turned out those who were trying to make a profit by selling sacrifices, and in the following days he would return to the temple to preach. And it was here that he told the parable of the tenants.

This parable tells the story of a man who planted a vineyard and leased it out to tenants who he left to get on with tending the land. The agricultural image of a vineyard and this kind of arrangement would have been very familiar to the crowd gathered to listen to Jesus, but the chief priests and teachers of the law who were also in the crowed would have also known the vine as an Old Testament symbol for Israel.

The owner of the vineyard, naturally, expected his share of the harvest and when the time came he sent a slave to collect. But the ungrateful tenants beat him and sent him away. So the owner sent a second and even a third slave, but they were only beaten and insulted. But the owner did not give up and, in despair at his errant tenants, sent his beloved son, saying ‘perhaps they will respect him’. But instead when the son came among them, they rejected him and killed him.

The owner is, of course, God, the slaves are the prophets, whose predictions the crowds believed they were seeing fulfilled only a day or so before when Jesus entered Jerusalem and the beloved son, of course, is Christ himself.

Jesus knew that the crowd that greeted him on that fateful Sunday were fickle; that when he did not live up to their misguided expectations of what the Messiah would be like, that they would reject him and ultimately kill him in the most terrible way imaginable.

So this parable both looks both backwards and forwards. It looks back to the prophets who predicted the coming of the Messiah and backlash that they received often from their own people. And it looks forward to the events of Holy Week, when, despite the acclamation of the mob on Palm Sunday, would see the man they acclaimed as the Messiah, rejected, humiliated, beaten and killed.

It is very easy to condemn the crowds in Jerusalem who only a few days later were baying for his blood, but it is worth reflecting how easy it is to be caught up with mob mentality.

How often do we laud our leaders until they fail to deliver as we expect? How often do people become caught up in a wave of anger and hatred when they feel that we have been let down? Look for example at the baying mobs outside parliament at the moment, some of whom have verbally assaulted leaders who were once elected by the public. Look at the hatred being piled up on certain leaders in social media – leaders who were once praised. How often in the limbo of Brexit have we expressed our frustration in dehumanising terms. Humanity hasn’t changed that much in the last 2,000 years has it?

But there is an epilogue to this damming parable. As the tenants nailed the landowners son to a cross of wood and raised him up to die, he said ‘Father forgive them for they know not what they do.’ So great was the love of the landowner, that it overcame this terrible death inflicted on his son, and on the third day the son rose again, and now sits at the right hand of the landowner, interceding on our behalf as we seek his forgiveness.

And one day the son will come again, and entry will be so triumphal that the whole world will kneel before him and will say ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide. Her recent TV series Living a Transformed Life can be viewed on demand on www.tbnuk.org or at www.katenicholas.co.uk .

Warrior or Teddy Bear - Reconciling the God of the Old and New Testaments.

Tue, 12 Mar 2019 17:09:12 GMT

What are the aspects of God’s nature that you struggle with the most? And how does that make you feel?

I confess I tend to be sceptical when anyone says that they have never struggled to get their head around the great I am . If we are really honest I suspect even the most Spirit-filled Christians have are likely to have wrestled with some aspect of God as revealed in the Bible.

One of the things that many of us struggle with, for example, is reconciling the character of God as described in the Old and the New Testaments.

I remember my grandfather telling me about his upbringing in the Welsh non-conformist church in Llanelli. He was completely terrified as a youngster by the fire and brimstone preacher who spoke eloquently and passionately about the wrath of God as described in lurid detail in the Old Testament. The God he grew up with was one who was quick to anger, jealous and would punish the sins of a people down through many generations.

This was the God who destroyed his creation with a great flood, who ordered the extermination of the people of Canaan and banished his chosen people into exile and slavery. The God whose sense of justice was sometimes hard to swallow.

In the 21st century, we seem to have gone to the opposite extreme and prefer to focus almost exclusively on the God of the New Testament who loved us so much he gave his only son to die for us. There is nothing wrong with this – we are told God IS love - but we have to beware of turning God into some kind of celestial teddy bear, all warm and fuzzy!

I have been to services in some churches that are more like therapy sessions than a time for worshipping the Almighty I am, the Alpha and the Omega.

Admittedly, the lectionary tends to steer away from some of the gorier episodes of the Old Testament. I am very grateful that I have never had to preach on 1 Samuel 15:3 in which God tells Saul: ‘Now go and attack the Amalekites and totally destroy them and all that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.’

It can be quite hard to reconcile this terrifying and apparently genocidal deity with the God who seeks to shelter his under his wing. In fact it is sometimes tempting to sometimes think of the Old Testament God and the New Testament God – almost as if they are separate divine entities; an Old Testament God who seemed to be rather inexplicably blood thirsty in his fearsome Majesty, and a warmer and more benign New Testament God.

However it is in the person of Jesus that these two faces of God are reconciled. Jesus was the incarnation of God’s boundless love and mercy, but the Victorians – did a great disservice to us in the way they portrayed and thought about Jesus Christ – as expressed in some of our hymns today. Jesus was meek but he was not mild. He was gentle but we also know that he was capable of great emotions; great love but also grief and anger which he expressed so memorably when the turned over the tables in the temple in the week before his death.

And we have to remember that he was considered such a threat to the established order that his own people colluded with their enemy occupying power to ensure that he be executed in the most terrible way.

This was not a mild man or deity.

This division in our thinking between this terrifying wrathful God and the Celestial Care Bear God is also a misunderstanding of Jesus’ mission – something Jesus himself made very clear when he said to his disciples. That ‘he did not come to replace the Law but to fulfil it,’ and this unbroken narrative plays out in Jesus last week’s on earth.

One of the most decisive moments of reconciliation is Jesus’s transfiguration on Mount Tabor. In the gospel of Luke we are told that as Jesus stood on the top of the mountain two men came and spoke to him: Moses who represented the law handed down to the Israelites by God on another mountain top on the Sinai desert and Elijah who represented the time of the prophets and the prophecy that God so loved the world that he would give his only son to die for us.

Together they talk about Jesus’s ‘departure which he was about to accomplish at Jerusalem’ (v. 9:31) – his terrible death by crucifixion. But the word used for ‘departure’ in Greek is exodus, the word which is used to refer to great act of God’s deliverance, when he freed his people from foreign slavery and oppression in Egypt, leading them miraculously to safety through his instrument Moses – reminding us of God’s ongoing deliverance achieved throughout history. And as the light of God shines on the mountain top through Jesus, we are reminded of the light that shone from the face of Moses after he had communed with God on the mountain top in Sinai.

What this gathering on the peak, represents is the various stages of God’s unbroken meta narrative as recorded in both the Old and New Testaments. And it is the person of Christ that our understanding of God of the Old Testament and the New Testaments come together.

Jesus said that whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but have the light of life. This does not mean that we will always fully comprehend his ways. If the disciples sometimes struggled to grasp his meaning what hope do we have of full understanding Christ?

We may also not always like his ways which were sometimes hard; there may be times when we would prefer that our deeds remain in darkness and fear God’s light shining on them. And we may still have many questions – some of which may never be answered in this lifetime, but we, like the disciples are children of the light. We are called to walk in the light and to be God’s light in the world.

We will never be able to do this based on our own inadequate understanding of God – whose nature will always exceed our ability to completely comprehend, in this life at least. The only way we can do this is by being in close and continual relationship with God in Christ.

We have to come to him on our own mountain tops. We have to commune with him, to talk to him as a friend as Moses did, to be with him as Peter, James and John were. And to do this again and again and again in prayer if we are to abide in his light, and he in us. And then and only then can we mere mortals too reflect his true glory and be his light in the world.

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide. Her recent TV series Living a Transformed Life can be viewed on demand on www.tbnuk.org or at www.katenicholas.co.uk .

The dilemma of Dignitas and the request that haunts me

Thu, 07 Feb 2019 22:00:58 GMT

I have been haunted by this week’s news about Geoff Whaley the 80 year old who has ended his own life at Dignitas in Switzerland – aided by his wife of 52 years who could not bear to see him go through the agonizing end promised by motor neurone disease. So many aspects of this are so desperately sad, not least the fact that Mr. Whaley was forced to make this decision by this awful disease. No doubt the anonymous phone call to social services, which led to Mrs. Whaley being interviewed by the police, was made by someone who probably had the best intentions but it robbed Geoff and his wife of hard won peace about their decision. And what an appalling choice this loving wife had to make between helping her husband leave this earth painlessly and with dignity, and abiding by a UK law that meant that she could face prosecution and a fourteen year custodial sentence.

This sorry tale brings back some very difficult personal memories for me - some very recent. In November 2018, I received a call from a friend in Corfu to say that my aunt was suffering from advanced skin cancer and had asked for her nieces to take her to Dignitas to spare her a painful and terrible death. She had no children of her own so, as her eldest niece, I was the first port of call.

Over the past few years she had asked me several times to promise her that that if she ever became infirm or unable to live on her own that I would take her to Dignitas. She was fiercely independent and could not bear the idea of ending up in a Greek care home, or worst of all having to leave her home of the last sixty years and return to the UK. I had always fudged the issue, and failed to give a response – but at the end of last year, time ran out and the ask was not hypothetical but desperately real.

The whole discussion had always filled me with horror. As a Christian I have a deep seated respect for the sanctity of life and a belief that what God has given only he can take away. I don’t profess to have studied the doctrinal views of suicide in detail but I am aware that the church has historically considered suicide as a grave sin; partly because we are made in the image of God, and because suicide suggests no possibility of hope or redemption.

I have a deep rooted dread of the idea of suicide. As I have written about in my memoir Sea Changed, my own father suffered from manic depression and first told me that he wanted to take his own life when I was eleven years old. He eventually of natural causes when I was in my 30s, but I was always terrified as a child and young adult that he would take his own life. When my aunt first asked me if I would assist her in committing suicide through Dignitas it brought back the sense of underlying dread that haunted me for so many years.

But as I got on the plane out to Corfu, I found myself questioning all my assumptions. My aunt had professed to be an atheist most of her life, but we had had some profound discussions about spirituality and ‘that God stuff I did’; so I knew that the task that lay ahead of me was not only practical but spiritual I had to help her die well and that meant helping her in these last days and weeks to prepare to meet her maker; to understand that what awaited her was a love beyond her imagining.

But if she was to grasp the reality of Christ and his promise of eternal life, what would it say to her if the only person she knew who did this ‘God stuff’ turned up and spouted doctrinal reasons for why she should be prevented from suffering such an awful death? If I spouted Bible verses at her to rationalize my own unwillingness to put myself out of my spiritual comfort zone (not to mention risk of prosecution to help her), what would it say about Christian love of neighbor (and relative). How in the face of such lack of empathy and rigid doctrine would she find the God of love in her final days?

In the end the decision was taken out of my hands. When my sister and I arrived in Corfu, we found she was far too ill to travel anywhere let alone Switzerland. She had sworn all her friends to secrecy until it was too late because she was afraid that I would drag her back to England for treatment. In fact I never would have done this – it would have been too cruel.

I have to confess that part of me felt a sense of relief that the decision had been taken out of my hands. Instead, we managed to get her wonderful palliative care at a hospital in Gouvia, which was staffed by angels. In that place, we talked about God, Jesus and what lay ahead, and I was able to pray with, and for, her to the end. And I will always be grateful to the Lord for that time.

But as I got back on the plane, after laying my beloved aunt to rest, I was left with the gnawing knowledge that there are no easy or pat answers to this complex issue. Perhaps the most that we can do if faced with this terrible dilemma is to ask -’what does love look like?’

My best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017) and latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide. And my recent TBN UK TV series Living a Transformed Life can be seen at https://www.tbnuk.org/vod/watch/living-a-transformed-life/our-god-of-transformation

Cancer and Finding Peace in the Storm

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Fri, 18 Jan 2019 20:19:33 GMT

Have you ever struggled to find God in the face of adversity? Check out my interview with Amanda Ofori of Reconcilers Radio in which we talk about how God meets us in even the most challenging circumstances of our lives.

Wishing you a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year.

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Mon, 24 Dec 2018 16:34:45 GMT

Trump, lies and an age old question

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Wed, 14 Nov 2018 19:52:18 GMT

Where does the truth lie? This was the question that I was invited to address as part of a group of experts convened by St Alban’s Diocese last week. Ironically the debate took place on the same day that Donald Trump launched his invective against CNN”s Jim Acosta as he persisted in seeking to determine the truth relating to the US President’s relationship with Russia during the elections of 2016.

Undoubtedly the antics of President Trump have given additional momentum to the increasingly public debate about the nature of truth, particularly in the media and social media, but the question is one that is almost as old as time.

‘What is the truth?’ was the question the Roman Governor Pilate asked Jesus as struggled with a decision that would shape the course of human history. And it is the question that has been asked by scientists and philosophers for millennia. However it is a question that has become increasingly complex over the past couple of decades as we have all but abandoned the idea that there is any such thing as an objective truth to be uncovered. In the 21st century, truth has become subjective and, for the majority, all that matters is that they are authentic to their own idea of the truth.

This idea has, in turn, been reinforced by technologies that are designed to ring fence our view of the world. Social media algothirims learn our biases for everything from handbags to political parties and then feed us our own personalized version of the truth.

A decade ago, I was invited to contribute to a book called Where the Truth Lies edited by Julia Hobswbawm. A stellar cast of media and PR luminaries contributed noble essays on role of the Foruth Estate in maintaining critical objectivity, enabling readers and viewers to contextualize and challenge their own assumptions.

Whether journalists still adhere to such noble aims is of course a matter of debate, but the awful reality is that even if they do see themselves as courageous seekers of the truth, in the age of social media such truth may completely bypass the vast majority.

Newspaper circulation and TV news viewing figures continue to nose dive in the UK, and local newspapers, once of the most trusted source of information for most people, are under severe threat. Increasingly people are building their view of the world based upon the selective confirmation bias of social media newsfeeds.

There also doesn’t seem to be any great desire to seek out this objective truth. A recent study by MIT scholars has found that in fact people (as opposed to bots) spread fake news and false claims far faster and further on twitter than genuine news or information. If it is entertaining, what does it matter if it is not true?

These days those clinging to the concept of objective truth are seen as antiquated and authoritarian, but the reality is that conceit that truth can be subjective is a profoundly arrogant one, based on a very inflated view of our human faculties.

The idea that truth is self-determined is both arrogant and dangerous. It means that we live in a world where those who shout loud enough shape our understanding of the truth. And our increasing reliance on the confirmation bias of social media, means we are ill equipped to detect fake news when it is staring us in the face. And as the Nazi Joseph Goebbels once claimed that a lie told once remains a lie, but a lie told a thousand times (or a million times on Twitter or Facebook) eventually becomes our truth.

Kate Nicholas is a Christian author, broadcaster and preacher. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed and its Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available in Christian book stores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at www.eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide. Where the Truth Lies can be found at https://www.amazon.co.uk/Where-Truth-Lies-Julia-Hobsbawm/dp/1848876866

The Headline I never thought I'd see

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Wed, 17 Oct 2018 15:55:42 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

Earlier this month, I was privileged to speak at an event exploring the Healing Power of God at Whaddon Way Church. This is church is particularly important to me, as it was here that I first sought out healing prayer when I was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer.

I must admit it wasn’t an easy move for me to do this. Over the past few years I have spent quite a bit of time in the US, and when jet lag prevented sleep during the early hours of the morning, I would often flick through the myriad of TV channels and on a number of occasions came upon shows by TV healers.

These self-appointed healers format often involved the apparently miraculous, with the throwing away of crutches or wheelchairs followed by calls for substantial donations. I used to be angered by what I saw as the manipulation of the desperate. . . . that was until I found myself in a place of desperation.

Cynicism and keeping an open mind

I confess that all my cynical filters were well and truly intact when I first made my way to a church in Bletchley recommended by the Christian Healing Mission, the body that trains and supports a network of healing prayer groups. But I ended up being blown away by what I experienced there and the results.

Having once been told that my cancer was so advanced that it might not even be worth doing surgery based on how much time I had left, I have now been clear of cancer for three and a half years. It is more than I ever could have hoped for when I first set out in search of healing.

What I must make clear is that I had very good medical care, and I always advocate against people fighting diseases like cancer on a diet of prayer and carrots. Doctor are God’s hands and feet and all the wisdom behind the amazing medical breakthroughs we see come from him.

‘The Lord created medicines from the earth, and a sensible person will not hesitate to use them . . . , when you get sick, don't ignore it. Pray to the Lord, and he will make you well. . . . Then call the doctor—for the Lord created him.’ (Sirah 38: 4,9,12).

But the reality is that there are some aspects about my healing that can’t be explained, not least the fact that the cancer began to shrink before my treatment even started. And one of the things that I was pleasantly surprised by was the openness of the medics that I met to the fact that not all aspects of healing can be conventionally explained. Many put it down to positive thinking, but as science delves further into our nature, there seems a greater openness to the fact that the world is a more mysterious place than we can ever imagine.

When talking about my experiences, I generally tend to avoid using the M word but I was I fascinated to see a recent poll undertaken by the BBC in which they found that 62% of British adults believe that some form of miracle is possible today.

Belief or embarrassment

Apparently nearly half of those questioned in the survey by market research firm ComRes admitted to praying for a miracle at some time, with 18-24 year olds being the biggest group who believe in the possibility of contemporary miracles.

According to the survey 37% of British adults who attend a religious service at least monthly say they believe the miracles of Jesus, and half this group say that their prayers for a miracle have been answered in the way they hope for. Yet sadly, 37% of Christians also say that they have never prayed for a miracle.

While there are some denominations which actively seek the miraculous, the same cannot be said sadly of most CofE parish churches.

On reflection, perhaps my own reticence to use the M word comes from a sort of Anglican embarrassment about the possibility of God breaking in on the world in answer to prayer. But when I listened to the stories of the delegates at this recent healing event - and reflect on my own story - I can only conclude that it is arrogance to presume that because we do not understand a phenomenon it does not happen. Let’s face it only a few hundred years ago we thought the earth was flat.

Perhaps it is time for us to be more open minded about the possibility of the impossible and remember that for Jesus, miracles were a sign of God’s Kingdom breaking into our reality here on earth.

To find out more about the ComRes survey go to https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45679730 or https://www.comresglobal.com

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed (shortlisted as Christian Biography of the Year 2017), and her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available at Christian bookstores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide.

You can catch up on her recent TV series Living a Transformed Life at

https://www.tbnuk.org/vod/watch/living-a-transformed-life/our-god-of-transformation

or on her website www.katenicholas.co.uk .

Retreats and Writing

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Sat, 15 Sep 2018 16:24:06 GMT

The call of the contemplative community

I have just spent two incredibly peaceful days on retreat at the Society of Sacred Mission (SSM) Priory of St Michael in Willen. It is only about 10 miles from where I live but when I pass through its gates, I feel as if I have entered a different world. The sense of peace and God’s presence in palpable in the air. I can sense Christ beside me as I walk in the beautiful flower garden, as I kneel in the chapel, as I sit in silence listening on the Lord. And as I write, I feel as if he guides my thoughts and my hand.

I decided to go on silent retreat to kick start the process of writing my third book which entitled Soul’s Scribe: Your Story and God’s Narrative . In order to write a book which is essentially about communicating, I find that I have to retreat into a world of silence.

I have always been drawn to religious communities. When I first returned to live in North Buckinghamshire, I used to go and pray at St Joseph’s convent in Olney. There was something about these women, who lived a simple life with such joy. Then when I was at World Vision, I used to sometimes take my team on retreat. The most memorable of these retreats was when, accompanied by two of the directors from my Senior Leadership Team, I spent a few days at the Community of the Resurrection in Mirfield.

The monks of the community follow the Benedictine Rule and as well as undertaking meetings, we also took part in the liturgical life of the community. We joined them for morning prayers, lunchtime Eucharist, Evening Prayer and Compline. We would share a meal with them without words and walk in the gardens wrapped in silence before retiring to bed. I loved the sacred repetition of the liturgy, the rhythm of life in the community.

And now I am in a different season of my life I am once again drawn to spend time with those who have made a conscious choice to give their lives so wholeheartedly to Christ.

The last time I went to spend time with the community at Willen, I was preparing to go to the Bishop’s Advisory Panel who would decide if I would be recommended for training for ordination. This time I was greeted like a returning warrior for God by the wonderful community there who have offered wholeheartedly to support me as I prepare for that training.

For a number of practical reasons (including the need to deliver my new book), I won’t be starting my training at Ripon College, Cuddesden until the next academic year. But I am determined that this ‘gap’ year will be one of profound preparation, in which I hope to come to know Christ more clearly, love him more dearly and follow him more nearly. It was a wonderful God-incidence that I was with the community for the Feast of the Cross and am able to celebrate with them with the Eucharist. And I am very blessed to have been invited to come whenever I want to the Priory, to spend time in prayer, to share meals with the community and to reflect and write in their wonderful library.

What is it that draws people like me to these communities? I am such an extrovert, who works with words and loves the life of a family, but there is something very special about religious communities who choose to share their lives together as the early Christians did. There is a great beauty to the rhythm of Benedictine rule, although I know that I would will never be more than a visitor to this disciplined way of life.

But for a while it is such a blessing to spend time with those who do have the self-discipline to live a life so focused on God, who communicate so clearly their joy in the Lord without words. And every time I spend time with them, I come away with a peace that runs just a little deeper, and a sense of his presence that is just a little clearer.

Her TV show Living a Transformed Life can be seen on Sundays at 9.00 pm GMT on premiere Christian Channel TBN UK (Freeview 65 and Sky 582) with repeats at 11.30 am on Mondays, 3.00 p,m. on Wednesdays and at 6.00 pm. PST on Sundays. You can also see all shows online at

https://www.tbnuk.org/vod/browse/category/ministry

To find out more about St Michael’s Priory and the Society of the Sacred Mission go to:

https://www.stmichaelspriory.org.uk/

The Wisdom of Wishes

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Mon, 20 Aug 2018 18:54:11 GMT

If you were granted three wishes, how do you think you would use them? Perhaps you would wish for a long, life, or for happiness for your family. Perhaps you might even wish to win the lottery. It is such a tantalizing thought isn’t it? Which is why of course the idea of granting wishes has appeared in the folklore worldwide for centuries.

I have just returned from Denmark where I spent some time in Odense, the birthplace of Hans Christian Anderson who wrote hundreds of fairy tales many of which you may be familiar such as 'The Emperor's New Clothes', 'The Little Mermaid' and 'The Ugly Duckling'

One of H.C. Anderson’s best known stories, which I remember vividly from my childhood, is The Tinderbox ; a rather dark tale about an ambitious and ruthless soldier who obtains, through rather nefarious means, an old tinder box which can grant him wishes through the vehicle of three enormous dogs.

The soldier first uses his wish to obtain for riches, his second to gain access to a beautiful princess, and his third to become ruler of his country. It is hardly a moral tale and one can only wonder at what kind of ruler he would have made.

In many countries such as Sweden and France, a similar appears featuring a quarrelsome couple and a comic twist. In this tale, one of the couple mistakenly use their first wish on a sausage for supper, and infuriated by the others’ stupidity their spouse wishes the sausage to attach itself to the guilty party’s nose. And then, of course, they have to use the final precious wish to restore their beloved to their previous state – leaving them no better off than before they were granted three wishes. In England the tale is called the Woodman’s three wishes.

There are two common themes in all of these tales. The first is that the wish is granted by a supernatural power – usually a fairy - although in the Arabian folktales One Thousand and One Nights, the wish is granted by Allah. The second is that of mankind’s inability to use the power of wishes wisely, because of the very human sins of pride and avarice.

These themes are also reflected in the life of the biblical character Solomon. In 1 Kings chapters 2 and 3, King David had passed away and has handed on the mantle of ruler to his son Solomon. David had instructed Solomon well but it still the early days of his reign and the young Solomon has no idea what the future may bring.

But one night in Gibeon, God appears to him in a dream and says to him ‘Ask for whatever you want me to give to you.’ It is Solomon’s version of the three wishes.

Perhaps the most natural thing in the world for Solomon to have done would have been to ask for a long, successful and prosperous reign over his people; a reign of majesty, power and might. Or he might have asked for peace, or the power of conquest over Israel’s many enemies.

But Solomon asked for none of this. Instead he said ‘Give thy servant therefore an understanding mind to govern thy people, that I may discern between good and evil; for who is able to govern this thy great people?”

Solomon didn’t ask for riches or power, but instead he showed uncommon humility in this recognition of his own limitations, Rather than grasping for power, he acknowledged his very inability to control the power given to him – saying ‘I am like a little child, I do not know how to go out or come in.’

Instead, Solomon asks for an understanding mind and the he ability to discern between good and evil – and of course his ability to do this became legendary.

Many of us will have grown up on the story of the two women who came to Solomon claiming that a child was theirs, asking him to adjudicate. Both woman were adamant and would not back down so Solomon ordered that the child be cut in half and divided between the women, at which point of course the real mother stood forward and gives the child up so that it may live. Wise Solomon then restores the babe to its real mother. Never mind fairy tales, the Bible has all the best stories.

So how did God respond to Solomon? Well in 1 Kings 3 we are told that God was delighted with Solomon’s request – not only because he showed humility and good sense, but because of the profound nature of Solomon’s ‘wish’.

In some translations the word used to describe Solomon’s request in today’s reading from 1 Kings is translated as wisdom. And is word wisdom describes something more than just an understanding heart.

Wisdom is one of the intangible qualities of God. In Job, we are told, To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are His.’ (12.13).Wisdom is one of the characteristics of our creator, the Alpha and the Omega.

Moreover in 1 Cor 1:30 we are told, that Jesus Christ, ‘being the very substance of God, ‘has become for us wisdom from God – that is our righteousness, holiness and redemption.’

So what Solomon was asking for was not just a high IQ, but a communion with God so intimate that he might take on his character, and with a renewed mind to be able to discern clearly the will of God.

This is the kind of communion that is also described so powerfully by Jesus in John’s gospel chapter 6 which he likens himself to the bread of life. And says ‘ He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him.’ (56)

What both these passages are describing is an intimate and mystical communion with God, in which we share in his very nature, so that when we look at the world we do so with the compassion, wisdom and love of God.

And God is so pleased with Solomon’s desire to be close to him, he says that a since he asked for wisdom, and not for long life or wealth for himself, nor for the death of his enemies – he would not only do what he asked but would also grant him those unspoken wishes – of wealth, honour and a long life.

We cannot all be Kings, and not all of us will have wealth, honour or even a long life. But we too can ask for God’s wisdom, to abide in him and he is us, to be able to see this world we live in through his eyes of love. And when we come to the Lord, with wishes in our hearts, we need to remember Solomon’s words in proverbs; ‘How much better to get wisdom than gold’ (16.16).

Kate Nicholas is a Christian author, broadcaster and preacher. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed and its Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available in Christian book stores and Waterstones throughout the UK. Here TV series Living a Transformed Life can be seen on premiere Christian channel TBN UK (Freeview 65 and Sky 582) at 9.00 p.m. GMT on Sundays with repeats on Mondays at 11.30 a.m, Wednesdays at 3.00 p.m. and Sundays at 2.00 a.m. and is free on demand at www.tbnuk.org .

The cost of being a follower

Thu, 19 Jul 2018 17:27:05 GMT

Whether its your team at the World Cup or Jesus Christ, being a follower can be costly.

So England is out of the World Cup. I must admit I am not an ardent football follower but even I felt that wave of disappointment as it became obvious that after all the excitement and optimism that football wasn’t coming home after all. What i have been fascinated by, however, is the lengths that some of the fans will go to follow the England team; following the World Cup on site doesn’t come cheap, but thousands flocked out to watch the games in Russia.

Recently I came across a rather amusing if slightly disturbing survey in the Metro newspaper in which people had been asked what lengths they would go to follow the England team if they made it to the final. According to the research, more than a third would call in sick if England got to the final and there was an opportunity to get a ticket. Almost one in six would be prepared to miss a friend’s wedding, while six per cent would skip their own wedding or resign from their job. Less dramatically, fourteen per cent said that cancelling a holiday would be a no-brainer, while rather sadly five per cent of respondents said they would be willing to sell their dog to for a chance at a ticket. Being a follower comes at a cost!

Now I don’t want to stretch the analogy too far but being a follower of God also comes at a cost. Last week I found myself preaching on two very relevant scriptures; Mark 16: 4-26 which tells the familiar story of how Herod’s wife used her daughter’s wiles to manipulate King Herod into beheading John the Baptist, and 2 Samuel 6 which tells how King David lost the respect of his wife Michal – daughter of Saul - as he joyfully and triumphantly danced the ark of covenant in through the gates of Jerusalem (When the ark came home!).

The Ultimate Price

Mark 16 tells the story of how John the Baptist paid the ultimate price for holding up a mirror to the wrongs of society. As a powerful man Herod Antipas believed that he was above the law. And after divorcing his wife Phasaelis, had married Herodias, the wife of his half-brother Philip – a woman who was also his niece. This was in direct contradiction of the Mosaic Law against incest laid down in Leviticus. John knew that Herod was setting an example as a leader that might well undermine other’s commitment to the rules for living laid down by God in the Torah – and that as such he had to challenge Herod, no matter how powerful he was, or what the cost may be.

The great theologian Walter Bruggeman once said that to be prophetic means being willing to take risks and to able and willing to point out the difference between the established order of the day and the value of God’s kingdom. This is exactly what John was doing here; pointing out that the way in which Herod was living and ordering his Kingdom was in direct contradiction to the Kingdom of God which Jesus was describing in such radical terms. And for this, and for following God faithfully, he paid the ultimate price - of his life.

This of course was over 2,000 years ago now, but the reality is that people are still paying the price today. Today there is a charity called Open Doors which runs a World Watch list of those countries in which it is most dangerous to follow Christ. And according to their 2018 survey, approximately 215 million Christians still experience high or very high levels of persecution and 1 in 12 Christians still live in places where Christianity is illegal, forbidden or punished. And many still pay the ultimate price for their beliefs.

Perhaps one of the most famous modern day examples is the German pastor and theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer was known for his staunch resistance to the Nazi dictatorship and was a vocal opposition of the persecution of the Jews. He was arrested in 1943 by the Gestapo and sent to Tegel prison before being transferred to a Nazi concentration camp and, in April 1945, he was executed just as the Nazi regime collapsed. Before he died he wrote an incredible book entitled the Cost of Discipleship.

In the 21st century UK, we are very blessed to live in a country where we can generally follow Christ and share our faith without any threat to life or limb. But just because we worship in the established church of the state, it doesn’t mean that following Christ is completely cost free?

Sticks and Stones

In 2 Samuel, we are told how after making Jerusalem his capital, David brought the sacred Ark of the covenant, the ancient symbol of Jehovah’s presence, to the mount Moriah, to a tent that proceeded the temple. On that day, David was so joyful that, stripping himself of his royal robes, he “danced before the Lord with all his might.” As he entered Jerusalem, his wife Michal was watching from an upstairs window, and seeing her husband David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she “despised him in her heart.” And when David returns to his household she greeted him with biting sarcasm, saying “How glorious was the king of Israel to day,’ Michal had loved David and had in the past risked her life for his safety, but on that day she despised and ridiculed him for his loss of royal dignity in such an excitable demonstration of faith.

The other day I saw a Facebook post from a friend of mine who is an exuberant vicar of a central London church, who wears her dog collar with holy pride. In her Facebook post she said that on a beautiful summer’s morning she had been walking down the street to her church with real spring in her step and a smile on her face, when a group of young men she passed fell about laughing – pointing at her dog collar – and ridiculing her.

Now this experience doesn’t match up to the persecution of Christians in places like North Korea, or the terrible price paid by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, but I am sure it still hurt and smarted. I don’t’ know if you know that old playground saying ‘sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt me’, but anybody that has been ridiculed would tell you that it just isn’t’ true. And the reality is that there are those who will mock our beliefs.

Any of you who have come up against an ardent atheist in an argument will know that it isn’t a comfortable experience and in the workplace today it can also be quite difficult to be a Christian. I know when I ‘came out’ as a Christian when I worked in the media, I was labelled as ‘down right odd’ and probably lacking the critical faculties needed to be a serious journalist. But like David we need to be willing to stand up for our beliefs and our choice to follow God.

When Michal ridiculed him – how did David respond? Did he decide to hide his beliefs in future, to make sure he said his prayers quietly in private and not to make too much of a fuss about all this God stuff in future in case he invited further ridicule? No, he told his wife that it was the Lord who appointed him, that he would celebrate before the Lord and if necessary would become even more undignified!

Now I am not suggesting that anyone here starts disrobing and dancing around the streets with a tambourine, lyre or vuvuzela (even if we did see plenty of this sort of behaviour before we dropped out of the World Cup). But what I am suggesting is that we need to face up to and be willing to embrace the cost of following Christ.

Yes, some of our friends who don’t come to church may think that we are a bit soft in the head, believing in someone we cannot see.

Yes, we may come across some ardent atheists who seem to feel that ridiculing our beliefs somehow lends credence to their own.

But we also need to remember the courage of a great thinker like Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was so utterly convinced of God’s love for him that he was willing to stand up to horrific power of one such as Adolf Hitler and to pay the ultimate price for standing up for what he believed in, for standing up for the values of God’s kingdom.

And in our own small way, we too need to take the risk of standing up for our beliefs. Because we too have been appointed as disciples, and that means being sure of what we believe. In the words of 1 Peter, always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks us to give the reason for the hope that we have - and never, ever, to be ashamed of following Christ.

Kate Nicholas is a Christian author, broadcaster and preacher. Her best-selling memoir Sea Changed and its Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life are available in Christian book stores and Waterstones throughout the UK. Her TV series Living a Transformed Life can be seen on premiere Christian channel TBN UK (Freeview 65 and Sky 582) at 9.00 p.m GMT on Sundays, with repeats on Mondays 11.30 a.m, Wednesday 3.00 p.m. and Sundays 2.00 am, and is free on demand at www.tbnuk.org .

Are you living a transformed life?

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Fri, 06 Jul 2018 10:33:51 GMT

This week sees a dream fulfilled as my new TV series Living a Transformed Life, premieres on the leading Christian channel TBN. I have worked in, and with, the media for most of my life, as a national newspaper journalist, current affairs broadcast commentator and most recently as global communications chief for Christian aid agency World Vision, but I never dreamt that I would have the chance to ‘declare the works of the Lord’ on a channel like TBN UK which provides a platform to reach every home in the UK with the Gospel message. God has an amazing way of taking the challenges of our lives and using them to his greater purpose.

My TV new series originally emerged out of an interview with Leon Schoeman on TBNUK’s flagship programme TBN Meets about my best-selling memoir Sea Changed in which talk about my own journey of transformation and healing from advanced cancer.

I originally wrote my memoir Sea Changed as a legacy for my children, because I wanted them to know how much God had loved and shaped my life even as I faced potentially leaving them but, when I miraculously survived, my ministry became about something bigger. It became about helping people who were struggling to find God in the face of adversity and reassuring people that God can be found in the most unexpected of places – even a cancer diagnosis.

I told Leon how, in my darkest hour, I had repeatedly been given a passage from Psalm 118:17 ‘I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.’ (KJV) and how I had now dedicated my life to declaring his works as a preacher, author and public speaker ̶ and then to my amazement, he offered me a TV show!

The resulting series, Living a Transformed Life, explores one of the great mysteries of faith – God’s transformation and what it means that the purpose of our lives is to be transformed into the image of Christ. Over twelve weeks, I will be exploring how God uses all circumstances to transform us – from the mountain top moments to the valleys of our lives ̶ and what the fruits of this transformation look like, in this life and beyond.

We will look at what it means to live a life transformed by God as well as at how we cope with challenge and change. We will also look at the marks of transformation – what it really looks like when we live a life transformed by God. And finally we will be talking about God’s ultimate transformation which takes place when we pass from this earthly realm to the next.

To do this we will be exploring scripture and the lives of some key biblical characters as well as meeting people with some amazing stories of transformation. I will also share a little about my own story as captured in Sea Changed.

To accompany the show I have also written a companion guide, which covers all the themes we’re looking at and also poses a series of questions for reflection. And it is my hope and prayer that you will be encouraged and helped to life a life transformed by God.

Living a Transformed Life premieres on TBN UK at 9.00 pm on 8 July and will also be show on Mondays at 11.30 a.m, Wednesdays at 3.00 p.m. and Sundays again at 2.00 a.m (for night owls). It is also available free on demand on www.tbnuk.org .

Sea Changed: A Companion – Living a Transformed Life is available to buy online at TBN UK’s online shop (link), Amazon and Christian retailers.

Sea Changed: Coming home, healing and being at peace with God (shortlisted as CRT Christian Biography of the Year 2017) is available at Waterstones and Christian bookstores through the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide.

Living a Transformed Life

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Mon, 02 Jul 2018 18:32:12 GMT

Rejoicing as my new book hits stores throughout the UK

Following on from last week’s launch event, today sees my new book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life is available in bookstores throughout the UK.

As the title suggestions, Living a Transformed Life is a companion guide to my best-selling memoir Sea Changed which tells the story of my own unconventional journey of transformation and healing from advanced cancer.

This new book about one of the great mysteries of faith – God’s transformation; the extraordinary promise that as Christians we are to be transformed into the very image of Jesus Christ in this life and beyond.

The idea for this companion guide grew out of a TV interview with the UK’s largest Christian television channel TBN UK about Sea Changed and my own experience of God’s transformation.

Four years ago, when I was diagnosed with advanced inoperable cancer, a friend of mine gave me a butterfly brooch as a symbol of the fact that God would use even this circumstance of my life to transform me, and that when I emerged I would be something different ̶ like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. And when I miraculously survived, I realized that God can use even the greatest challenges of our lives to bring us along on this journey of transformation.

I initially wrote Sea Changed as a legacy for my children, I wanted them to know how God has shaped my life and lovingly guided me even as a faced potentially leaving them. But I realized that I now needed to take the lessons I had learnt, and use them to help others to embrace the concept of their lives as a journey of transformation – and this is what I have sought to do through this book and a new TV series Living a Transformed Life on TBN UK.

Through this book, I want to invite you to explore how God uses all circumstances to gradually transform us and what the fruits of this transformation look like - including God’s ultimate transformation that takes place at the end of this earthly life.

In each chapter I explore a key theme by examining Scripture and the lives of some key biblical characters, and you are invited to reflect on some questions to enable you to go a little deeper into what God tells us about his plan for our transformation.

I also share a little about the key lessons I have learnt from my own journey of transformation as captured in Sea Changed , and you will be invited to reflect on how what we learn from Scripture and life examples can be applied to your own life, helping you along on your journey.

And, finally, you will be invited to come before God and to pray; to open yourself up to God and living a transformed life.

This book is designed to be used on its own as a resource for reflection and prayer, but can also be used to accompany my 12- part TV series on TBN UK in which I also explore the themes from this book and meet people with their own amazing stories of transformation. Living a Transformed Life premieres on July 8th on Freeview 65 and Sky 582 and is available free on demand on www.tbnuk.org .

Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life is available in Christian book stores and Waterstones throughout the UK and online at http://www.eden.co.uk/shop/sea-changed-a-companion-guide-4554941.html and at Amazon worldwide.

PRESS RELEASE

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Wed, 27 Jun 2018 17:15:06 GMT

For immediate release

Kate Nicholas takes us on a journey into the mystery of God’s transformation in her new TV series Living a Transformed Life on TBNUK and her accompanying book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide launching this July.

Transformation is foundational to our faith as followers of Christ. Indeed the very meaning and purpose of our lives is to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus. But that can seem an impossible goal to achieve when we look at the messiness of our own lives.

So what does it really mean to live a transformed life?

Kate’s own dramatic story of being healed from cancer showed her that God uses the circumstances of our lives as well as the Bible and the Holy Spirit to transform us. In her new book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide - Living a Transformed Life Kate shares some of her personal testimony alongside biblical teaching to help encourage us all to reflect more closely God’s nature. Questions are included for reflection in each chapter so that we can pause, study, and apply the lessons learnt to grow more like him.

The original book, the bestselling memoir Sea Changed, was written largely while Kate was in hospital being treated for advanced cancer and told the story of Kate’s own unconventional faith journey of transformation and healing. During those darkest days, God gave her a passage from Psalm 118:17: ‘I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord’ that transformed her life. “I knew that if God did heal me, my life must change; that I must dedicate the life restored to me to sharing the gospel – that I must ‘declare the works of the Lord’.”

This promise from God came dramatically to fruition as Kate was doing interviews for her book Sea Changed back in 2017. “I was interviewed by Leon Schoeman on TBN UK’s flagship interview show TBN Meets. As our interview came to a close he turned to me and said, ‘I think that God is doing something amazing through you and I think we need to help you with your ministry. How would you like a TV show?’”

The result is Living a Transformed Life , a twelve episode series featuring testimony, teaching and inspiring guest interviews, airing on TBNUK in July, and the companion book which will be launched at the same time.

Kate’s prayer is that this twelve-session practical guide and TV series will encourage us all to live a life transformed by God. So join with her on an adventure of faith!

Kate is available for interviews – please contact us for more details.

New title info can be found here , book image here and a sample chapter here .

Sea Changed: A Companion Guide – Living a Transformed Life by Kate Nicholas is published on 2nd July by Authentic Media, 9781780789965, £7.99, PB.

Living a Transformed Life premieres on TBNUK on July 8th on Freeview channel 65 and Sky 582

Authentic Media
PO Box 6326
Bletchley
Milton Keynes MK1 9GG

Tel: +44 (0)1908 268500
Email: marketing@authenticmedia.co.uk
www.authenticmedia.co.uk

About Kate Nicholas

Kate Nicholas is an author, broadcaster and speaker with more than thirty years’ experience in national journalism and global communications. She now runs a management and communications consultancy and preaches at the Amazing Grace church of St Peter and St Paul in Olney, Bucks.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS WITH KATE NICHOLAS

Y ou have written Living a Transformed Life as a companion guide to your book Sea Changed. Why did you decide to do this?
Living a Transformed Life is a companion guide to my best-selling memoir Sea Changed which tells the story of my own unconventional journey of transformation and healing from advanced cancer.

This new book is about one of the great mysteries of faith – God’s transformation; the extraordinary promise that as Christians we are to be transformed into the very image of Jesus Christ in this life and beyond. The idea for this companion guide grew out of a TV interview with the UK’s largest Christian television channel TBN UK about Sea Changed and my own experience of God’s transformation.

Four years ago, when I was diagnosed with advanced inoperable cancer, a friend of mine have me a butterfly brooch as a symbol of the fact that God would use even this circumstance of my life to transform me, and that when I emerged I would be something different – like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. And when I miraculously survived, I realised that God can use even the greatest challenges of our lives to bring us along on this journey of transformation.

I initially wrote Sea Changed as a legacy for my children, I wanted them to know how God has shaped my life and lovingly guided me even as I faced potentially leaving them. But I realized that I now needed to take the lessons I had learnt, and use them to help others to embrace the concept of their lives as a journey of transformation – and this is what I have sought to do through this book and a new TV series Living a Transformed Life on TBN UK.

What, in your opinion, is the hardest part of the transformation journey to live fully with God?
Undoubtedly the hardest part of the journey is letting go of control. We are created by a God who loves change and expects us to live a life of constant transformation. As Jesus told his disciples, ‘unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven’ (Matt. 18:3); but, if we are honest with ourselves, most of us don’t deal well with change. It is extraordinary how, given a choice, many of us will choose the familiarity of painful and damaging relationships and situations, rather than risk stepping out into the unknown. Instead of opening ourselves up to potential change, we prefer to hold on to our illusions.

However, God’s transformation cannot be achieved without a willingness to let go of our old selves, our old way of life and, in particular, our sense of self-reliance and the illusion of control. We have to be willing to change the habits of a lifetime, which have been shaped by a world which encourages and celebrates our sense of self-reliance and independence.

It seems that whenever we encounter God, he forces us to let go of the illusion that we have control over our lives – a process that often leaves us feeling threatened and vulnerable. But to grasp his promise of life in all its fullness, we must be willing to change and to give up old habits and attitudes, if we are going to allow God to transform us into all he wants us to be.

We need to be willing to embrace the gift of God’s transformation, opening ourselves up and allowing our minds to be renewed into the mind of God – no matter how dramatic a change that might involve.

What was the most memorable part of your transformation journey? How do you feel about it now?
For most of my life I have been a bone fide control freak - but when I was diagnosed with cancer, I found myself in a situation which was completely out of my control. There was absolutely nothing I could do to change it. I was in a place where all I could do was trust in my God that he would do what was best for me. It was as if God was saying to me, ‘Let go, you are holding on too tightly, trust me, let me take the helm,’ and it was only then that he was able to do something wonderful and transformative.

Of course I wish I hadn’t had cancer; and I would have done anything to spare my family the pain they went through, but I can’t wish away everything that came with it. The experience of coming so close to God at that time was incandescent. I was able to experience – and still experience – a peace that passes all understanding, and to find a place of stillness and even joy that previous eluded me.
God works through all the circumstances of our lives, but it is sometimes the hurdles and challenges of our lives that seem to fast track that process.

You wrote most of Sea Changed in hospitals, and said it felt as if you were guided by the spirit to write it. Do you now view writing as spiritual practice, and how did you feel when you were writing Sea Changed: A Companion Guide ?
I still don’t know how I managed to write Sea Changed ; most of it was written in hospital beds, as I was going through treatments and recovering from surgery. I was desperately ill but it was if the words just flowed out of me. Thankfully I didn’t write this companion guide in such extreme circumstances, but I still undoubtedly feel that I have been guided by the Spirit.

Since the publication of Sea Changed , I have been privileged to travel all over the country talking to churches, faith and cancer groups, and the media. And the idea for this companion guide really emerged out of these conversations, and the amazing offer from TBN UK to film a TV series about the lessons that I had learned during my own journey of transformation. And once again when I started to write, the key themes, ideas and even words just seemed to emerge. It was as if it took on a life of its own.

During my darkest hour, I was repeatedly given a passage from Psalm 118: 17 ‘I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord,’ (KJV) and I believe that reflecting on, and writing about, how God has worked in my life and can work in the lives of others, has saved my life.

Where is God calling you to make changes in your life right now?
I have now been free of cancer for three years, praise the Lord, but like others who have been diagnosed with advanced cancer, I will never be completely discharged. Whatever I may believe about my healing, the doctors continue to monitor me and, like others, I am having to learn to live with this sword of Damocles hanging over my head, trusting God day by day. I have also taken Psalm 118: 17 as my mission in life, and vowed that I will declare the works of God.

When I first recovered, I knew that God didn’t want me to go back to business as usual but that he was doing a new thing, so what did I do? I went back to work full time! There were very good reasons; my colleagues had been truly wonderful to me while I was ill and I needed a safe space to grow strong again. God was very patient and gave me a year to recuperate but then forced me to step out of my comfort zone. It actually took a management reshuffle to finally get me to step out in faith and to dedicate myself to ‘declaring the works of God’ as a preacher, author and broadcaster. Today I am so grateful that I took that step, but I definitely needed that little push.

As a wise friend of mine once said, ‘You have to let go of the side of the swimming pool if you are going to learn how to swim.’ It is just that God sometimes has to prise our fingers off the side of the pool.

Where do you feel closest to God?
I always find the experience of being alone in nature transformative. I was brought up in a more innocent era when children were turned out of the house like puppies in the morning and not expected to return until dinner time. I was something of a loner as a child and would spend many hours in solitude wandering the fields and woodlands – but never truly felt alone. As a child, I struggled to articulate what I was experiencing, but I can see now that what I felt was a sense of the ‘numinous’ – the awesome presence of God.

I have also felt this sense of God’s presence high up on mountain peaks in places like Snowdon and the Lake District. Throughout the Bible we hear how Moses, Elijah and others were called to meet God on the mountain tops, and even today, on mountain peaks with only sky above us, we are often filled with awe and wonder. In fact, even those who wouldn’t count themselves as religious, sometimes find themselves experiencing an exaltation that is hard to define as they look down on the world from a different perspective.

There is something profoundly transformative about experiencing the beauty and wonder of God’s creation and, as we recognize the handiwork of the divine, we can almost feel our souls expanding.

These are the moments when, whether we can articulate it or not, we feel closer to God. This moment might come on a literal mountaintop or it might be somewhere else in nature – looking out over the ocean to the horizon, for example, or in the silence and emptiness of the desert.

But our mountaintop doesn’t necessarily have to be a place; it can be an experience that takes us away from the busyness and pressures of daily life, when we are able to see things more clearly and experience God more nearly. For some of us, it may be a piece of music that makes our soul soar, or we may find that, caught up in a wave of worship, we finally feel part of something bigger than ourselves.

Do you have any daily reminders or thoughts that help you to focus on Christ and how close he is?
I try to begin each day taking some time out – even if it is just 15 minutes - by reading and reflecting on scripture, thanking God for his blessings and praising him. There is something profoundly transformative about praise. Isaiah tells us to put on ‘a garment of praise’ (Isa. 61:3). Praising God is so important because it focuses our attention not on our own situation, but on the vast awesomeness and boundless love of God, and when we do this we open the door to God’s transformative power. Even when our circumstances are not all that we would wish for, if we really praise God, if we focus on all that he is, as revealed to us in Christ, he will gift us with his peace and even his joy.

What advice would you give someone looking to transform their life, but unsure of where to start?
A transformed life begins with surrender and learning to trust in God. Not all of us are type-A personalities with control-freak tendencies, but nearly all of us have aspects of our lives that we feel we need to keep control of, and are reluctant to hand over to God. So it is important to ask yourself, what are you holding on to too tightly in your life? Where might you need to ‘let go and let God’? And what does trust look like for you?

In Proverbs 3:5, we are told to, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.’ Rather we are to, like Peter, keep our eye on Christ and to step out in faith. Trust is not passive and it isn’t safe, it requires us to put our money where our mouth is and for our behaviour to reflect our belief. Trust requires us to be willing to step out in faith into the unknown, to take the risk of believing in that which we cannot yet see, putting our faith into action – and when we do so, the action of trusting is truly transformative.

Who did you write this book for?
I wrote this book for anyone who may be struggling to understand God’s plan for their life, or to find Christ in the midst of adversity ̶ even when facing our own mortality.

Transformation is not easy or uneventful. Jesus made clear to us that, if we truly follow him, our lives will not be easy. John chapters 13 – 17 record Jesus’s great last teaching to his disciples before his crucifixion. As they gathered for the Last Supper, Jesus predicted his own betrayal and told them that, ‘In this world you will have trouble.’ But he also told them to ‘Take heart! I have overcome the world’ (John 16:33).

We may not face the persecution of the early Christians but none of us are destined to come through life completely unscathed. Our journey will take us to the mountaintops and through the valleys of the shadow of death – but it is only by embarking on this journey that we will ever truly understand the meaning of life.

For some of us that journey begins in childhood, but many of us only consciously embark on this process of transformation later in life. But whenever we decide to open ourselves up to God, he can begin the work of change within, using the circumstances of our lives to gradually transform us into his own likeness, until finally, one day, we will stand before him in the perfect image of Christ.

Praise for the bestselling memoir Sea Changed

Sea Changed is a riveting read. A beautifully-written personal odyssey of our times. It is full of rich images of Kate Nicholas's eclectic life . An honest and moving account which takes her from an eccentric upbringing in rural England to the corporate offices of London before she leaves it all for a global search to fill the void she feels. What she finally finds is a heart-felt faith which opens her up to the world's marginalized as well as courage to face her own battle with cancer.
Tim Costello, World Vision Australia s Chief Advocate, Baptist minister, leading media commentator and author

Kate's journey from bohemian childhood through the joys and sorrows of family life, from first-world glamour to witnessing the world' s most wretched poverty and from the top of her professional game to life-threatening cancer illuminates a faith revealed by life's everyday experiences. Kate's inspiring story calls us to find an extraordinary God in the gritty challenges of our ordinary human existence. This is an essential read for anyone looking to spot the divine at work in their world.
George Pitcher, journalist, author, cultural commentator and Anglican priest

Read this book! You'll be drawn in to an incredible story of adventure, spiritual discovery, and hope. Kate Nicholas's amazing journey is one of a kind, but in it we see the joys and pains that we all face as well as the faith that carries us through.
Rob Moll, editor-at-large, Christianity Today; and author

A beautifully written, haunting memoir…so much more than an autobiography.
Michele Guinness, writer, journalist

Original Press Release

SILENCE AT THE CROSSROADS

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Fri, 15 Jun 2018 20:09:20 GMT

I have just returned to the noise and bustle of family life after a day of silence at St Michael’s Priory in Willen. I joined the wonderfully welcoming religious community at the Priory for prayers this morning and this evening, and apart from sharing lunch within them in silence, spent the day in this little retreat, overlooking a flourishing garden. The only sound was that of bird song and the occasional distant roar of a plane heading to distant destinations. What a blessing.

Whenever I have reached a crossroads in my life, I have always taken myself off on silent retreat. In the past I have spent time at Launde Abbey, The Community of the Resurrection at Mirfield and at Charney Manor. Usually I prefer to spend two or three days on silent retreat, but even a snatched day is a tonic to the soul. Before I left the world of media to join Christian charity World Vision back in 2006, I spent a week in silent retreat, something I repeated before going on to take up a global role with the charity in 2016. And I have in the past shared much valued time with friends and colleagues in partial silence in a religious community.

As someone who spends most of my life talking for a living – as a speaker, broadcaster and consultant – I have come to treasure the liberation of silence. I know that in my prayer life, I spend far too much time talking to God, telling him what he already knows, and far too little time listening to him. But cocooned in silence, it is as if I can hear him more clearly, feel his presence more nearly, and am more in contact with the very ground of my being. Sometimes I am drawn to Ignatian contemplative exercises such as the Lectio Divina, but more often I simply become still, and alert to the fact that he is God. That as I stand at the crossroads, he stands beside me.

The crossroads I now find myself at is like no other I have encountered in my life. After many years of trying to drown out God’s call, I have finally surrendered and on Monday morning I will be heading to Ely, where I will attend a Bishops Advisory Panel. This is a three day residential, at which a panel of clergy and lay advisors will seek to discern whether I am called to ordination as a priest in the Church of England, and whether I should embark on a three year part-time training course, followed by curacy.

It has taken me twelve years of procrastination, and more recently eighteen months of intense reflection, to get to this point. I first felt called to ordination when I was working in the media, but when I was offered a role with the Christian charity World Vision, I reasoned that I was off the hook. But the call persisted and eventually I trained to become an authorized preacher. However, in recent years, the call has become even more persistent and I have finally faced up to the fact that I am called to make an even deeper commitment.

Things came to a head when I left World Vision last year. I realized that I had always used my job as an excuse, and that this last hurdle had now been removed. And so over the past eighteen months I have been meeting with my Diocesan Director of Ordinands, who has skillfully guided me through a very intense discernment process which has included theological study, essay writing and some pretty deep soul searching. It has not been an easy process, but every time I erected another barrier in my mind, I would seem to meet someone or read something that would demolish my argument, to the point where all I could say was ‘Lord, your will be done.’

This does not mean that I am without doubts even now. But I do feel a deep conviction that this life that has not been restored to me, is to be used in the service of God. I have already been some amazing opportunities to ‘proclaim the works of the Lord’ and I will undoubtedly continue writing and broadcasting but I also believe that I am not meant to be a freelance ambassador for Christ. That my ministry needs to be grounded in the body of Christ. My age means that if approved for training I would be a self-supporting minister, and would continue to work, but beyond this I do not know what my ministry would look like.

Going to a Bishops Advisory Panel is unlike anything else I have experienced. It is not an interview, which you pass or fail. Rather it is a time to collectively discern God’s call, which may be to ordination, but which may also be to some other form of lay ministry.

So today I stood in silence at the crossroads, and what I was granted in the stillness was a sense of peace, that whatever the outcome of the Bishops Advisory Panel will be His will. That he will ‘show me the right path . . . and point out the road for me to follow.’ (Psalm 25: 4).

Kate Nicholas’s best-selling memoir Sea Changed is available at Waterstones and Christian books stores across the UK and online at eden.co.uk and Amazon worldwide. Her latest book Sea Changed: A Companion Guide - Living a Transformed Life will release in the UK on 2nd July.

THE POIGNANT JOY OF THE RETURN

simonknicholas@gmail.com (Kate Nicholas) — Tue, 08 May 2018 17:12:55 GMT

I am writing this sitting in the tiny airport just outside the town of Kerkyra on the Greek island of Corfu. Outside the window, planes taxi down a runway that ends abruptly, hurtling towards their seemingly watery end, taking off just before they fall into the sea. This a routine, I remember vividly from my childhood when my family and I used to come to Corfu to visit my aunt Theresa and my ‘uncle;, her partner Christos Vaholopolous (pictured). Christo is now long gone, claimed by cancer, the only record of his life being his art works which still hang on hotel walls around the island and my aunt’s thinly veiled account of their life together ‘Suntouched’.

The world that he knew, and shared with his friend Gerald Durrell has also gone. The Corfu of my childhood exists only in our memories and Theresa’s paintings of vineyards and ancient villages. IN her minds’ eyes the terracotta streets of the old town are still populated by olive laden donkeys, and black weeds widows. My sister and I have returned to Corfu this weekend to reminisce with my aunt. For many years we would rely upon her occasional visits to her homeland, but ow that she is in her eighties and unwilling to fly, we have returned to Corfu to see her.

In fact, this island is one of the few places in my life that I have ever returned to. For most of my life I have been driven by an almost insatiable desire for new horizons. In my working life, I have always been energized by new ideas and fresh challenges, becoming easily bored and frustrated by anything that smacked of repetition. In my personal life I have also travelled extensively, constantly seeking the unfamiliar, the alien and the exotic. As a young woman, driven by a relentless desire for new experiences, I jacked in a successful career and sold or gave away everything I owned and headed for Nepal. Armed with round the world ticket, I originally intended to travel for just six months but didn’t’ return to Britain until two and a half years later when I had finally exhausted all my funds.

Even when I settled down with my beloved husband John and my precious daughter’s Aly ad Emily, I continued to resist the comfort of familiarity. Whenever the children enjoyed a particular beach, campsite, hotel or beach, their cry would always be ‘can we come back here?’ But, perhaps selfishly, my husband I would always insist on venturing over the horizon. The two of us share a gypsy instinct. We me as travelers and continued to plan our journeys round territories yet to be explored.

I have always revelled in the sensation of waking up in a strange country; lying in bed listening to the cadences of an alien tongue rising up from the streets below; the piquant fragrance of unfamiliar foods wafting through the shutters. And there is little to match the sense of anticipation as you step out into the unknown, with a sense of expectation about new sights to see and people to meet. I am, at heart. an explorer.

I respect the fact that for many the concept of returning provides familiarity and comfort. I know that many of my friends prefer to return to the same beloved area for their holidays each year; and love being greeted like old friends as they temporarily insert themselves in the weave of others lives for a while. However, I found the whole concept suffocating.

For years, I interpreted my reluctance to ever visit the same place twice as the sign of an adventurous spirit, but I now realize that behind all the bravado lay a fear of returning only to find that the world of my memory no longer exists, that it has changed beyond belief. My aunt Theresa never tires of telling me how angry and upset Gerald Durrell was when he returned to the island of Corfu as an adult. By this point, tourism had begun to change the shape of his beloved childhood home almost beyond recognition and she recalls how he wept as he drove past the concrete edifices springing up all over the island. (Theresa also repeatedly tells anyone who will listen that when she arrived on the island there were only ten cars and that she brought in the eleventh on a boat from Brindisi, missing the irony that she added to the burgeoning level of traffic on Corfu). But I think for many of us there also lurks an even deeper fear that while we may have changed, the world may not have kept pace.

I remember the sense of dread that that I felt when I returned to Great Britain in 1993, after spending two and a half years travelling through Asia and Australia. I desperately wanted to see my family and friends but knew that I had in some indefinable way been profoundly changed. I had ended upon a spiritual quest that had taken me through the temples of Australia, where I studied and ultimately rejected Buddhism, and into the eerie empty deserts of central Australia where I had reconnected with God. I had also returned to my home country with my soul mate John, who enabled me to see my country though a fresh and foreign pair of eyes. Yet, when I touched down, I found that little had changed in my absence; that life had continued in a predictable groove for those I had left behind and that I was expected to slot back into the rhythm of existence as if I had never left. When I tried to speak of the profound transformation that God had wrought in me during that journey, I was met with bewilderement. I took me nearly a year to readjust to the life I had left behind.

Now don’t get me wrong, I would never make comparisons between myself and the Almighty, the Word made flesh, but whenever I read the account in Mark 6 of Jesus returning to Nazareth to preach in his home town synagogue I do really feel for him. Since leaving home he grappled with his demons in the desert, come into the fullness of his radical ministry and returned home as God incarnate eager to minister to his own community. However, all that those who had known him all his life could see was the carpenter’s son, and reacted with skepticism to the changes they saw in him.

It is often when we return to our childhood homes or haunts, when we juxtapose our past and present selves, that the changes that life have wrought in us become most abundantly clear. The process of return highlights the changes that have been wrought in our life. This can be uncomfortable; as adults, our childhood homes, schools and favourite haunts often seem smaller and less magical than we remembered. But in recent years I have finally learnt that returning can also be a source of joy.

Cancer has taught me many things, including how to appreciate the process of returning to the familiar. My capacity for exploration has not diminished but I now feel a profound gratitude that against all odds, I have been spared and even been given the chance to retrace the steps of my life journey; that I have lived to be able to once again return to the places where I have forged so many memories.

Theresa is right. The Corfu of my childhood no longer exists; it lives on only in the writing and art work of those who loved it such as Gerald Durrell and my aunt and uncle – as well as the wonderful ITV series The Durrells. But the island is also like a mirror which reflects the transformation that God has wrought in myself and my family over the years; the hard won wisdom but also the accumulated love that continues to envelope, and the deepening knowledge of God. So today, as I travel back to my husband and children, I once again God for the poignant joy of being able to return.

Kate Nicholas is the author of the best-selling memoir Sea Changed which is available in Christian bookshops through the UK and available online at eden.co.uk and Amazon.co.uk. July 2nd sees the launch of Sea Changed: Living a Transformed Life, a twelve part companion guide designed to help us reflect on how God uses the circumstances of our live to transform us, and what this transformation looks like in this life and beyond.